023 ♪ [Forward dated to Monday]

[numanstan]

[It's a lovely day in Mayfield-town, especially in the beautiful park-- except for one particular bench, which seems to be surrounded by a deep, penetrating sense of wrong. On this bench sits Vince, dressed in his punk outfit. He's chatting with a local crow, apparently gossiping about people as they walk by.]

Ha, yeah, she's such a slag, right?

[He'

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[thatsnotaknife]

[Spots Vince. Notices nothing wrong, not in the evil aura, the punk outfit, or the talking to birds. Strolls over, Sam in his arms.] G'day, you lot.

[numanstan]

[Is it weird that the talking to birds thing is the only thing not weird about this situation?]

G'day, convict! [in what might be the worst mock Australian accent ever done]

[thatsnotaknife]

[Nope, it's totally normal!]

[Pauses at that, looking surprised.] The hell'd you just call me, mate?

[numanstan]

Con-vict. What, are y'stupid, too? Y'want me to speak slower so y'can understand?

[thatsnotaknife]

[... Sighs.] Dunno what's crawled up your arse, pommie, but you call me that again and I'll shove your head up there. Reckon you're being tough?

[numanstan]

Don't need to "reckon" anythin'-- I am. And I'll call y'whatever I bloody feel like, roofucker.

[thatsnotaknife]

Please, I've seen tougher hanging out on the steps at Town Hall.

[numanstan]

[HUGE SIGH like he's the one being inconvenienced] Why're all of England's kids such losers? Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the weirdo tree.

[thatsnotaknife]

You know, funny that, I've always wondered why all his people are up themselves poofters.

[numanstan]

And why all of your people're crude, ugly neanderthals, yeah? Mystery of the fuckin' ages.

[thatsnotaknife]

Okay, first of all, I am fucking gorgeous and so are all my people! Second of all, what the hell's your problem, mate?

[numanstan]

Yeah, y'just keep thinkin' that. And my problem's that I'm stuck in some stupid little town with a bunch of whiny cunts and fuckin' losers when I ought to be back in London bein' famous! That's my bloody problem!

[thatsnotaknife]

Oh, so you're just being a whiny little shithead, now?