more then me
.I was never anything that I seemed, not these soft words of coiling phrases,
not a poet or a girl or anything but light refracting in the near darkness
bending itself in inspection.
and I look at my illumination as if it where foreign,
for it stalks about me like tamed men trying to clasp my life
trying to cut all my fierceness in a blink.
but my heart is stammering sluggish in my body,
it tells me there is no need for cages, for girl shaped nets.
I am bleeding out on ghostly sheets of paper
I am not hard to catch these days.
All of my pieces lay conquered between margins,
all my protest sound of defeated whispers.
These days I am less doe-eyed and more headlight-caught.
I swear I was such a willing thing once,
and now I don't even recognize these hooved hands,
bare palms and digits meld clumsily, trying to play goof with cheap metaphors,
but I can not make something because I say it is so.
I can not make my self white-tailed or light or happy just because i want to.
and I have trapped myself in my own darkness with such thoughts,
that I will never be anything more then I appear to be,
just sodt words framed as a girl.
not a poet or a girl or anything but light refracting in the near darkness
bending itself in inspection.
and I look at my illumination as if it where foreign,
for it stalks about me like tamed men trying to clasp my life
trying to cut all my fierceness in a blink.
but my heart is stammering sluggish in my body,
it tells me there is no need for cages, for girl shaped nets.
I am bleeding out on ghostly sheets of paper
I am not hard to catch these days.
All of my pieces lay conquered between margins,
all my protest sound of defeated whispers.
These days I am less doe-eyed and more headlight-caught.
I swear I was such a willing thing once,
and now I don't even recognize these hooved hands,
bare palms and digits meld clumsily, trying to play goof with cheap metaphors,
but I can not make something because I say it is so.
I can not make my self white-tailed or light or happy just because i want to.
and I have trapped myself in my own darkness with such thoughts,
that I will never be anything more then I appear to be,
just sodt words framed as a girl.