(no subject)

[num_nums312]

Contemplating tomorrow
Yesterday is all I see
Remembering what I let go
Remembering what I had
Knowing that what I have
Is nothing that I want it to be
Too focused on the now
I forgot about the future

Afraid of the pain
Afraid of the temptation
The skipping beats of the heart
Want, need, desire
I’m terrified

Too lost in what has happened before
Mind is obsessed with “what if”
It could happen again
It could hurt so bad
I could be ripped apart from the inside
Once more

I push
Away
Push so far away, if it comes too close
If I start to feel a happiness within me
Because it’s not real
It can’t be
It never was before

Please don’t let it happen again
I ask this of you
You
Whom I don’t know
I just feel
Protect me
Tear away these things that try to push you away
That try to push these emotions away from my heart

Make me feel again
Make me love again
Make me accept a happiness that I’ve never truly known
For I feel as if in living, without you, I am dying

You
Whom I don’t yet know
Take me
Take my love that I won’t offer
Take if forcibly
And make me accept it

I feel empty
Please fill it
Make me whole again
The way I was when I was child
When things were what they were suppose to be
When people loved each other
When families stayed together
And love wasn’t murdered with malevolent words

Just make me love again
Love
Such a tearful word for something so sweet
Love me
Love you
I want to love
You
Whom I don’t yet know
I just want to live
My life
Once more
Happy