fic : Shattered Faith
title
Shattered Faith
fandom
The OC
summary
Sandy doesn't believe Ryan
timeline
AU, shortly after "The Truth"
beta
If it counts, MS Word 03
a/n
Thanks to jassylou for her great support.
disclaimer
Sadly "The OC" isn't mine, but belongs to others (Josh Schwarz, FOX, ...)
previous
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Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 |
Part 6 |
Part 7 |
Part 8 |
Part 9
a/n
I know, it has been a (very) long time since my last post, but the sad fact is, that work and university keep me really busy and when I have time to write, my muses just won't play along. In the light of this I have decided to post the next part of this fic as it is right now, even though it's not really finished yet.
Anyway, I hope you-all like it and leave me lots of comments ;)
Part 10
Saturday - 2
Once Caleb had locked the front door of his mansion he turned to the others, suggesting “Ryan, why don’t you ride with Kirsten in the Range Rover and Sandy can come along in my car, keeping me company?!”
Sandy was about to protest when Ryan voiced his approval and climbed into the passenger seat of the Rover after stowing his duffle bag in the back.
In the car Sandy finally asked “Cal, why am I riding with you when I should be with my family?”
“Because I think that Ryan needs at least one parent he can trust in and at the moment that isn’t you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean Cal?”
“That means that you’ve screwed up Sanford. You were so absorbed in your work and later Seth being hurt, that you hurt Ryan, but you were too busy to see it and did it again and again over the last week until you finally broke his faith in you completely. Kirsten failed him too, but while talking to Ryan I got the impression that it might be easier for him at the moment to reconnect with her than with you. So I thought it was the best to give them some time alone.”
Meanwhile in the Rover Kirsten had discussed with Ryan where he wanted to go for dinner, but then they’d fallen silent again, Kirsten concentrating on the road and Ryan staring out of the side window.
The silence in the car was only broken by Ryan’s yawn a few minutes later, causing Kirsten to shoot a worried glance at the boy. Ryan was sunken down in the passenger seat, his head leaning on the side window and his eyes half closed.
“You look like you’re falling asleep any moment. Are you sure you are up to this Ryan?”
The long and stressful day had worn him out and he wanted nothing more than a place to sleep. However he really wanted to visit Seth. So not wanting to risk Kirsten canceling their current trip, he tried to hide from her how exhausted he really was. But while straightening up in his seat a sudden pain in his side, caused by a wrong move, made him grimace and of course that didn’t go unnoticed by his foster mother.
“Ryan, is your side hurting again?” Kirsten asked worriedly.
“I’m fine”
“Ryan, you didn’t seem fine just now. You looked like you were in pain.”
“It was nothing, I’m fine Kirsten, don’t worry”
“Ryan Atwood, don’t lie to me! You might usually try to hide it, but I have seen you in pain enough times by now to know, that this wasn’t nothing” Kirsten said sternly.
Surprised by her unexpected outburst Ryan tried to deflect her worries “I just made a bad move. … Nothing to worry about.”
“Have you taken your meds today?” she asked in a softer tone.
Ryan hesitated before he said “I left them in the pool house.”
“If you like, I’m sure we can get you something at the hospital.” Kirsten suggested.
“There is really no need for that. I’ll just have to be careful and avoid hasty moves.”
“Ok. But you’ll take them when we get back home.”
Before he could reply the teen had to yawn again.
Realizing how tired her (foster) son really was Kirsten suggested “What do you say if we skip dinner at the restaurant and drive directly to the hospital? Sandy and my dad can pick up the food, something for Seth too. That way you can spend time with him while you are at least still a little awake but also get to bed soon.”
“Yeah, thanks. I’ll just call them.”
After he finished the call, having told Sandy about the change of plans and what to pick up for Kirsten, Seth and himself, he leaned his head back against the side window and shut his eyes.
Glancing at the boy every now and then Kirsten soon figured that he’d fallen asleep and was surprised when he suddenly started talking to her. He didn’t turn his head away from the window and only spoke quietly, but still loud enough for Kirsten to understand.
“I’m sorry … for what I said to you this morning … about you not being my mother and also. … It’s not that I would mind you being my mother, but from what I overheard of your talk with Sandy it really seemed like you were about to kick me out. It felt like when m… Dawn did that to me … actually even worse and I … I just couldn’t take it again.”
“It’s ok Ryan. You were angry and felt betrayed. As much as your words hurt, I understand why you said them. I’m just disappointed that we … that I gave you the feeling like I didn’t care and that you couldn’t come to me for help.”
“It’s not like you had a real chance” Ryan muttered barely audible for Kirsten.
“I’m not with you.”
“When you came home from your business trip the damage was already done. … The morning Sandy picked me up from juvie I was beyond angry at him. I’m sure he told you about the argument we had in the car and how I took off. It might have given him the impression that I wanted to be left alone; that I needed some space and of course you two gave in. You were worried about Seth and believing that I just needed some time to cool off you concentrated on him. … I get it now that you were just caught in the fallout of Sandy’s actions. … I’ve lived for so many years with parents I couldn’t trust in, couldn’t count on. I don’t want to have to do that anymore.”
Kirsten, having just parked the car in the parking lot of the hospital, turned to the boy next to her, placed her hand on his shoulder and said “I still think that I should have taken better care of you, Ryan, but what you said means a lot to me. I love you like you were my own son and together we’ll find a way to get through this, however long it takes.”
Ryan didn’t respond, but didn’t pull away from her touch either. While he thought about her words, she was just glad that he seemed to accept her instead of pushing her away. They sat in silence for a little while longer before Kirsten eventually let go of him saying “Let’s go visit your brother, Ryan”
When they walked in Seth’s room they found the boy lying on his side, curled up in a ball with his back to the door and a comic book in his hands.
“Hi Seth” Kirsten greeted her son.
When Seth didn’t react to her presence at all she walked around the bed and tried again standing in front of him “Seth, would you please talk to me?”
“I lost my brother today because you and dad drove him away. I don’t think there is anything left to say” Seth said angrily, barely looking up.
Momentarily forgetting that Ryan was in the room too, she snapped “Do you really believe I wanted that? That it is fun watching your own son leave his family and home, because you’ve messed up?”
“I’m tired, would you leave me alone.” Seth said while putting his comic book on the bedside table.
“Seth ….” Kirsten pleaded near tears.
“Night” the boy cut her off, before turning off the light and rolling over so he was facing away from his mother, in the dark room not noticing the person standing next to the door.
Admitting defeat Kirsten left the room, but not without whispering to Ryan that she’d wait outside for him.
Ryan studied his brother for a little while longer before he made himself known “You realize that that was totally uncalled-for. You better apologize to her.”
“Ryan?” Seth asked surprised, still not noticing his brother in the dark room.
Walking to the side of the hospital bed Ryan continued “I know you’re trying to have my back Seth, but you fighting with your parents is not helping.”
“Since when are you here?”
“I came with your mom, but you were so busy being pissed at her …” Ryan answered, but trailed off.
“Does that mean you’re back for good?” Seth asked hopefully.
“It seems as if.”
“That’s awesome man. I’m really glad you aren’t leaving. It just wouldn’t have been the same without you around.” Seth beamed while Ryan just enjoyed seeing his brother happy again.
They fell in a comfortable silence, for a while simply content with the other’s presence.
Unsurprisingly Seth was the first to break the silence by asking carefully “Can I ask what changed since this morning? I mean they told me about their talk that you overheard, but you seemed pretty determined when you were here earlier. … I guess I just want to know if you and the rents have worked it out or if you leaving will remain a constant threat for the future.”
“Seth, believe me that I’d like nothing more than to tell you that everything is ok again. But the truth is it isn’t. Just think about what almost happened today. I really believed after what I overheard of your parent’s conversation that they were about to kick me out. My relationship with them, especially that with your dad is so heavily damaged, I didn’t doubt it for even a single second. If it wasn’t for your grandfather I wouldn’t be here anymore.” Ryan replied and the other boy suddenly started to laugh.
Not seeing anything funny in all that he asked a little annoyed “Why are you laughing Seth? I don’t think that this is funny.”
“Sorry bro, it’s just, who would have guessed only a few days ago that of all things Caleb Nichol would be the one keeping you from leaving?”
With the hint of a smile Ryan answered “Yeah, who would’ve”
“So buddy, when are you moving into the big house then?”
“I’m not sure Seth. I know you all want me to move inside, but I don’t know if I’m up to that at the moment. There’s also still the matter of social services. I don’t want to move into the house, only to have to move out again, if Mrs. Stevens decides I’m better off somewhere else.”
“I haven’t thought about that. This sucks.”
“What are you telling me? Before last week I would’ve asked your dad to get things sorted out, but now all I can do is wait for Mr. Stevens decision” the blond boy said with a defeated sigh.
After a few moments of this time uncomfortable silence Ryan said “I’ll go and get mom, so you can apologize.”
“Thanks” Seth replied absently, lost in his own thoughts.
It wasn’t before the click of the door that he realized what the other boy had said and he couldn’t stop the stupid grin that was forming on his face. He hadn’t thought that the absence of a single word could mean that much.
Outside of Seth’s room Ryan spotted Kirsten at the end of the hallway, her arms wrapped around her midsection, while she was staring out of the window.
He walked up to the window and stopped right beside her. He too looked out in the dusk, but only for a moment and then made his presence know by a soft “Hey”.
Seemingly startled Kirsten turned to face him, but not before she’d quickly wiped the tears off her face, which of course didn’t go unnoticed by her foster son.
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to cause tension between you and Seth. All the more now that I can see how much it upsets you.”
“Oh Ryan, I’m not really upset because of Seth’s attitude. If anything it just proves how protective he is of you; how much having you as brother means to him.”
“What is it then?”
“Your impression was partially right. The moment I left the room, I was angry at Seth, but then I thought about what he said and no matter why he said it, he is right. We almost lost you today because of the way we treated you or rather ignored you. It was our behavior that almost drove you away and I don’t think I would have been able to forgive myself if that had really happened - not ever. … I’m not sure if you know it, but Sandy and I always wanted more kids, siblings for Seth. We tried, but it obviously didn’t work. Then there were you. I know I was anything but welcoming in the beginning and in hindsight I’m really sorry for that. However, when Sandy and I became your guardians, you were no longer just Seth’s friend, but became his brother and a second son to Sandy and me.”
“Foster son.” he interjected quietly.
“What?”
“I’m only your foster son.”
“From a legal point of view you are right, but that just means that in addition to us you have your biological family too. However, it doesn’t change the way I think of you, the way I love you just the same way I love Seth. I’ll always do my best do be there for you, Sandy too.”
“I’m not so sure of that” Ryan muttered barely above a whisper, yet loud enough for Kirsten to understand.
“Why’d you say that? Sandy loves you, don’t you know that?” his foster mother questioned.
“My mom loved me too. It never stopped her from hurting me, though.”
“Sandy would never intentionally hurt you” Kirsten tried to reassure him, even though she was inwardly chilled by what Ryan implied.
“We should get back to Seth. I think he wants to apologize to you.” the teenager said, trying to avoid his foster mother’s question.
He was about to walk back to his brother’s room when her soft and concerned “Ryan, please wait” stopped him mid-step.
“I know that this is difficult for you, but I need an answer. This … You are just too important.”
When he hadn’t said anything or at least looked at her after a few moments she asked again “Ryan, do you believe that Sandy would intentionally hurt you?”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore.” the boy sighed after looking at her. “I mean I don’t think he would, but then I also believed him when he claimed to care about me, yet he managed to hurt me in a way I hadn’t thought him capable of.”
Kirsten was stunned. Not by the fact that Ryan basically admitted being afraid of Sandy’s capabilities to hurt him, but by her lack of surprise about it. Sandy had filled her in on what had transpired over the weekend and even though Ryan had told her hardly anything so far, the few things he did tell her made it obvious that Sandy had done a pretty good job at hurting him.
She also had to admit, that Ryan had a point. Sandy’s behavior had been everything but what she had expected. She could comprehend that he had to have been pretty shaken by Sunday’s events. God knows she had been, when he’d called her with the news about both of her sons having been admitted to the hospital and one of them fighting for his life. Sandy also informed her about his suspicion that Ryan had been the one who’d beat up Seth. If she hadn’t been too shocked to process anything else but the fact that her kids had been hurt; one maybe dying, while she’d been on the other end of the states, she would have had Sandy’s head for even thinking that right then.
She knew that Ryan loved them all, but especially Seth. She had seen the bond between the two boys from the very first moment they had met. Seth had his first real friend in Newport, a “bad boy” he could look up to and would do anything for, which was one of the reasons she’d been so against Seth hanging out with Ryan at first. But she’d soon gotten to know the “real” Ryan behind the though exterior of the kid from Chino. The Ryan that was sweet, smart and way too caring about his loved ones, as the Oliver incident had been sad proof of. She just knew that Ryan would do anything for Seth, but never would he intentionally hurt him. In fact she was more afraid of the trouble Ryan could get into by giving into Seth’s wishes than on his own. She still couldn’t understand why in hell Seth had even proposed the idea of going to Tijuana considering that Ryan wasn’t allowed to leave the state, let alone the country due to his probation, but she also didn’t get why Ryan gave in, thereby taking the enormous risk of ending up back in juvie.
Watching the blond boy in front of her, her son, who was trying to figure out how to overcome the latest obstacle in his life; recognizing the pain and uncertainty in his eyes - it broke her heart, but she didn’t know what to do or say to make this easier for him.
“Thank you for being honest with me Ryan. … Let’s go back to Seth.” she finally said, before putting her arm on his shoulders and leading him back to Seth’s room.
Ryan didn’t evade her touch, didn’t even tense and it gave her hope that they could get through this; that he would let her be there for him, let her help him get through this.
When Sandy and Caleb, both laden with take-out boxes, walked into Seth’s hospital room a few minutes later, they found the youngest Cohen reading a comic book in his hospital bed, lying slightly on the side to make room for his brother, who was just like only a few days ago sitting next to the bed, bent-forward, his head resting on top of his crossed arms next to the other boy’s torso, fast asleep.
While Kirsten, who had been sitting on the other side of the bed, quickly cleared the table, Seth carefully shook the blond boy by his shoulder, trying to wake him.
Wanting to sleep on, Ryan still half asleep grabbed with his hand for the offending something that was shaking him and soon enough had Seth’s wrist pinned to the bed and snuggled his head back in his arms.
Completely surprised by Ryan’s uncharacteristical reaction Seth was stunned for a moment until a smile formed on his face while he contentedly savored the way his brother held onto his arm, his head resting peacefully on top of it, the trace of a smile on the blond boy’s face.
While her father and husband were still busy unpacking the food, Kirsten had had the chance to watch the interaction between her two sons. The way Ryan seemed to be able to relax in Seth’s presence made her feel warm all over, but at the same time it raised even more questions about her husband’s recent mistrust in their eldest son.
Remembering him voicing his doubts during the Oliver incident about bringing Ryan home in the first place, she gradually got the impression that even thought Sandy had been the one to bring Ryan into their lives, he still hadn’t accepted him in the same way Seth and eventually she herself had done - as a Cohen; a brother and son. She doubted that he did it intentionally; that he was even aware of it, but somehow he treated Ryan like a second class son, like a foster son. In the daily life the small difference went unnoticed, but it was obvious once Seth was hurt and Ryan seemed to be the one to blame.
Meanwhile Seth was slowly making progress on his current task of waking the sleeping teenager. He was really curious how Ryan would react if he shook him again, but considering that at least his mother was already watching them he thought better of it and took his chance by talking him into waking up.
It didn’t take long before the blond boy began to stir, slowly raised his head a little and looked around the room, blinking a few times until everything came into focus. Still far from being fully awake he stared blankly in front of him when Seth nudged him. Turning his head so that he was looking at his brother, he tiredly raised his brows in a questioning manner, while he fought hard to keep his eyes open.
“Can I have my arm back?” Seth asked quietly.
Noticing the confused expression on Ryan’s face, he slightly tilted his head to the side, his gaze indicating at his still pinned down wrist.
When Ryan finally caught on he quickly released Seth’s wrist and mumbled a sheepish “Sorry”.
next
tbc