how can you crack a smile if you can't laugh at yourself?
Sort of going crazy.
I'm starting to believe I have cabin fever. There are very few friends in the area, and going from last year (in school, too much to do) to this year (at work, little to do) has hit me pretty hard. I can't do this job, I can't do any job in this field, it's just not working. I feel myself growing more irritable at work, and I don't want to be, especially to people who have done nothing wrong.
I have 3 apps going out: Florida State, San Francisco State, Boston University. BU is really my only good shot, and only marginally good at that. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in. Sit at this desk for another year? How do people do this? How do they ignore that they're dying every day? At least in school I had too much to worry about to care that every day meant a day closer to death, but now, it's all I can think about. Almost all I can think about. I have a ray of sunshine on weekends, but she can't amuse me 24/7 and she can't get me into graduate school, no matter how much I believe she is the reason that I'm getting my shit together and applying.
I don't know what the next step is. If I don't get in, where do I go? What do I do? I can't stay and live like this, it doesn't fit me, I don't know how I ever thought it would fit me. My room seems smaller every day, and every day I die some more, which wouldn't matter if I didn't spend so much time thinking about it.
I need a hobby.
I'm starting to believe I have cabin fever. There are very few friends in the area, and going from last year (in school, too much to do) to this year (at work, little to do) has hit me pretty hard. I can't do this job, I can't do any job in this field, it's just not working. I feel myself growing more irritable at work, and I don't want to be, especially to people who have done nothing wrong.
I have 3 apps going out: Florida State, San Francisco State, Boston University. BU is really my only good shot, and only marginally good at that. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in. Sit at this desk for another year? How do people do this? How do they ignore that they're dying every day? At least in school I had too much to worry about to care that every day meant a day closer to death, but now, it's all I can think about. Almost all I can think about. I have a ray of sunshine on weekends, but she can't amuse me 24/7 and she can't get me into graduate school, no matter how much I believe she is the reason that I'm getting my shit together and applying.
I don't know what the next step is. If I don't get in, where do I go? What do I do? I can't stay and live like this, it doesn't fit me, I don't know how I ever thought it would fit me. My room seems smaller every day, and every day I die some more, which wouldn't matter if I didn't spend so much time thinking about it.
I need a hobby.