That's Quite Enough
I havn't updated this journal since the day after Leroy left. After this entry I'm not sure I'll update it again, I just have no motivation to come on here and write a bunch of shit that no one will read, and I will feel less than compelled to come back and read at some point in time down the road.
If someone would have told me back when I started this journal that in a few years everything would change, and yet much would stay the same I'd say that was a contradiction and probably not possible. Somehow now the statement makes too much sense.
Basically I feel quite a bit lost. I never realize that one person could actually mean that much to my life, and me. I didn't learn it until Leroy left how important having him around was, and how much both of us took advtantage of the friendship. But I don't think we would have ever guess he would have left, possibly permanently.
I wish I could express, truly express what it's like to hang out with someome numerous times during the week, and not do anything at all but feel like so much got accomplished, but that's what we always did.We used to just get in the car drive to a gas station, buy a bunch of snacks and drinks and shit we didn't need, and he the road, end up somewhere far away and make the best of it by finding food somewhere and talking for hrs. We could always make each other crack up, knew everything going on. It was like we were brothers. The time that he had left before he had to leave went by SO fast, we had so much we wanted to do before he left....people wouldnt be able to understand unless they've been this close with someone, but now that he's gone...the thing I wish we could do one more time is get in the car, goto the mall and just walk around and crack jokes, and tell stories, and look at shit we don't need.
I'd love to just hang out once more with him, the way things were...the way things should be now, I should be able to pick the phone up and call him tomorrow and go someplace during or after work. Get food and talk about anything...ANYTHING at all...it wouldnt have mattered. And I can't even call him, all I can do is write a letter, and wait for his letter to get here.
It's like a piece of me, of my personality, of my childhood, and of my life has been taken away, and I had no say in the matter, nor do I have any say on if it'll return, and if it does whether it'll even be remotely the same.
I don't talk about how much it bothers me often, I don't want to be someone that whines about stuff. There's no point in constantly getting down and talking about the bad stuff in life...I think that defines a weakness in not being able to keep yourself and your problems together. But if this is my last journal entry here on livejournal I just wanted anyone that reads this to know how I felt when I came to a period of time in my life of completel uncertainty because one opf the biggest factors of support and understanding in my life is gone. And I'll move on, and someday it won't hurt...but for now it burns inside of me...so bad, and I don't want anyone's sympathy...it's not the end of the world, it's not even anything important to anyone except me, and the people I'm close with. I just needed to get it out, as I'm sure I'll have to again in the future. But probably not here, I feel like to start a new chapter old chapters need to close, and maybe a small step would be closing this journal.
So either this is my last update here...or I'll cave and write again...in any case I made some good friends here, I'm not sure anyone will read this...but if you do...PLEASE...put the people you love in perspective and appreciate the simple things aboput the relationship you have with them. Nothing last forever, not even the things you wouldn't have given a second thought about. ANYTHING can change.
Good Day.
"Adversity introduces a man to himself"
If someone would have told me back when I started this journal that in a few years everything would change, and yet much would stay the same I'd say that was a contradiction and probably not possible. Somehow now the statement makes too much sense.
Basically I feel quite a bit lost. I never realize that one person could actually mean that much to my life, and me. I didn't learn it until Leroy left how important having him around was, and how much both of us took advtantage of the friendship. But I don't think we would have ever guess he would have left, possibly permanently.
I wish I could express, truly express what it's like to hang out with someome numerous times during the week, and not do anything at all but feel like so much got accomplished, but that's what we always did.We used to just get in the car drive to a gas station, buy a bunch of snacks and drinks and shit we didn't need, and he the road, end up somewhere far away and make the best of it by finding food somewhere and talking for hrs. We could always make each other crack up, knew everything going on. It was like we were brothers. The time that he had left before he had to leave went by SO fast, we had so much we wanted to do before he left....people wouldnt be able to understand unless they've been this close with someone, but now that he's gone...the thing I wish we could do one more time is get in the car, goto the mall and just walk around and crack jokes, and tell stories, and look at shit we don't need.
I'd love to just hang out once more with him, the way things were...the way things should be now, I should be able to pick the phone up and call him tomorrow and go someplace during or after work. Get food and talk about anything...ANYTHING at all...it wouldnt have mattered. And I can't even call him, all I can do is write a letter, and wait for his letter to get here.
It's like a piece of me, of my personality, of my childhood, and of my life has been taken away, and I had no say in the matter, nor do I have any say on if it'll return, and if it does whether it'll even be remotely the same.
I don't talk about how much it bothers me often, I don't want to be someone that whines about stuff. There's no point in constantly getting down and talking about the bad stuff in life...I think that defines a weakness in not being able to keep yourself and your problems together. But if this is my last journal entry here on livejournal I just wanted anyone that reads this to know how I felt when I came to a period of time in my life of completel uncertainty because one opf the biggest factors of support and understanding in my life is gone. And I'll move on, and someday it won't hurt...but for now it burns inside of me...so bad, and I don't want anyone's sympathy...it's not the end of the world, it's not even anything important to anyone except me, and the people I'm close with. I just needed to get it out, as I'm sure I'll have to again in the future. But probably not here, I feel like to start a new chapter old chapters need to close, and maybe a small step would be closing this journal.
So either this is my last update here...or I'll cave and write again...in any case I made some good friends here, I'm not sure anyone will read this...but if you do...PLEASE...put the people you love in perspective and appreciate the simple things aboput the relationship you have with them. Nothing last forever, not even the things you wouldn't have given a second thought about. ANYTHING can change.
Good Day.
"Adversity introduces a man to himself"