1o4; somebody loves you.

Nov 19, 2008 06:33

i gave my last pound to a homeless man today. he was cold, it's winter. he was shivering, covered in tatty rags and torn jackets. he had a dog next to him, lying next to him like a guardian angel. a black lab. the cutest thing i've ever seen, i'm sure. gosh, he was a precious thing. he looked so hungry, too. i just wanted to feed him some roast lamb and doggy biscuits and pat him until he knew no lonliness anymore. i wanted to hug the man and tell him that things would be okay. tell him that every cloud has a silver lining and that he doesn't really have to sit on the cold concrete ground, legs crossed, arms folded and wishing away his days. he was growing a beard, a long, lanky thing that hung from his chin like a spider's web. i wanted to wash it for him, then i wanted to hurt him. i wanted to kick him and tell him to get up off his ass and do something with his life.

"life can be so good if you don't make yourself a target."

what's going on in his head? what's going on? i want to listen. i want to listen to his mind with my innocent ears and see if i'm still so pure afterwards. i wanted to sit with him, next to him, share his mouldy blanket and tell him that i care. tell him that lots of people will care, if he cares for himself first.

"is it really that difficult to take the first step?"

i think so, actually. i think it probably is. don't they say the first step to solution is acceptance? i think so. i think so.

i looked at the sky and could see a mixture of horrid grey within happy blue. it's a cold day today, but somebody, somewhere, is happy. i know they are. if they can be happy, then can't we all? can we all smile today? can we all hug each other and say: "i'll be there for you, okay? rest your head on my chest and sleep, tomorrow will be brighter."

so i hugged him. the homeless man on holburn street. his eyes, they were stinging. he was trying not to cry. i looked at the dog, his chocolate eyes melting my own. and i cried too. "it's okay," i said to him, "it's going to be okay."

and we sat for the rest of the afternoon, drinking vegetable soup for 70p. it's a bargain, i thought. i don't think he agreed. and i hugged him, the dog and him. i hugged them close and i whispered:

"tomorrow will be brighter."
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