Still here ............
I don't think I've ever been so scared......
My mind has been going a mile a minute I just wish it would let me catch up. I have lost complete hope in those Assholes we call Doctors, I could do a better job at saving my own life.
Everyone is out to save themselves and make money, who cares about the sick.
I'm having an internal struggle with myself, I guess that is what you would call it.
One thing I know for sure is that I'm not healthy, I have a list of symptoms the length of my arm, and to top it all off, I started spotting again today. I feel completely powerless, all I can do is write everything down and do research. But the writing stuff down is making it even scarier, it's one thing to know in the back of your mind that you have symptoms. But to put them all down in black & white beside each other and then it's really unsettling.
My husband woke me up last night to ask me why I was crying? Suprise to me, I know I wasn't sleeping very good but crying? How weird is that to cry in your sleep and not even know it? I just hope my anxiety doesn't kill me first.
I'm struggling with my inner-self to figure out what I did wrong or who I have atone to to make amends for what I've done wrong. I don't think I deserve this bad karma, I try my hardest to please everyone and better everyone else. What did I do in this life to go through this? Why do the good die young? Why do good people get sick and suffer, and the bad people, killers, cheaters, dark souled people get all the glory, win the lottery find the four-leaf clovers? Can anyone answer that?