(no subject)
what you're telling me hundreds of miles away over a telephone is intangible but warm. intangible and warm until i realize that you're stringing me along into believing you are going to change but we both know that you won't. none of us will. i know the two of you build yourself up so high to one another like today is the day you're going to finaly tell me that there is no longer a place for me there but then you speak to me and you crumble. i know that there is nothing back home and there is nothing here and i am dealing with it every way that i know how. i speak to matthew and carissa and they remind me of the good things that i've got in my life instead of reminding me of the things i really have to let go of. so i will see you in 29 days but maybe i won't see you at all but i'm sure that's something like what you've wanted. you can't have your cake and eat it too, because i actually have feelings.