(no subject)
So I'm slowly going insane.
Or I'm just getting older.
I'm having a hard time telling which.
But the change is indisputable.
It's not too difficult to notice nor too surprising. The hallucinations are more vivid now, the distance between civilization & solitude growing. And I say that despite the fact that I'm getting out more.
I've done away with the notion of returning to school. I don't have the patience for pedantry nor the tolerance for two-bit teachers, and certainly not the will to subject myself to that college lifestyle, especially the lifestyle succeeding it. I've hacked off those desires because they are not my own. They are expectations, more-so commandments, handed down to me by predecessors that aren't concerned about my survival but rather my pursuit of material luxuries. Fuck that shit.
The real lessons in life aren't taught at a community college.
Besides I can see it all play out in front of me...
1)I go back to school.
2)I end up spending $40,000 in student loans.
3)I eventually end up with the degree I'm after.
4)I find a job.
5)I buy things that I don't really need.
6)I retire.
7)I regret the entire process.
8)Suicide.
There's a quote by Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata that comes to mind:
Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
I'm drifting away.
But I'm still standing.
And I've never felt more sure of myself.
Or I'm just getting older.
I'm having a hard time telling which.
But the change is indisputable.
It's not too difficult to notice nor too surprising. The hallucinations are more vivid now, the distance between civilization & solitude growing. And I say that despite the fact that I'm getting out more.
I've done away with the notion of returning to school. I don't have the patience for pedantry nor the tolerance for two-bit teachers, and certainly not the will to subject myself to that college lifestyle, especially the lifestyle succeeding it. I've hacked off those desires because they are not my own. They are expectations, more-so commandments, handed down to me by predecessors that aren't concerned about my survival but rather my pursuit of material luxuries. Fuck that shit.
The real lessons in life aren't taught at a community college.
Besides I can see it all play out in front of me...
1)I go back to school.
2)I end up spending $40,000 in student loans.
3)I eventually end up with the degree I'm after.
4)I find a job.
5)I buy things that I don't really need.
6)I retire.
7)I regret the entire process.
8)Suicide.
There's a quote by Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata that comes to mind:
Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
I'm drifting away.
But I'm still standing.
And I've never felt more sure of myself.