(no subject)
I woke up realizing I think I have fully "given up the ghost," for lack of a better way of putting it. Though I will think about it all day at work, and probably later this evening, and though it will fill me with sadness and consume me eventually, there are some decisions to which I must stick and be firm. Andey's new gal pal, Jessie, was right when she said, "Joy, however, is the feeling of satisfaction regardless of circumstances. When you choose to be joyful, to remove your focus from the things you don't have, you begin to love the things that you do have. The fulfillment in stillness is because what you long for you probably already have; it is simply not as you expect it to be."
Joy is what I feel. Though shadowed a little by my doubt and its newness, I am now content with whatever is between Johnny and I (and also with everything in general), not because I've done all I can for us to stay together and now must give up, but because I've done what I had to regardless of fear and sadness.
Okay. Enough. I must go to work now. Norman and Brandon, you will be mine tonight, I've decided.
Joy is what I feel. Though shadowed a little by my doubt and its newness, I am now content with whatever is between Johnny and I (and also with everything in general), not because I've done all I can for us to stay together and now must give up, but because I've done what I had to regardless of fear and sadness.
Okay. Enough. I must go to work now. Norman and Brandon, you will be mine tonight, I've decided.