(no subject)

[nuages]

One of my friends said something very insightful about ending relationships today. Just because we aren't with that person doesn't mean we don't still love them. I asked, When does one decide one is "over" the person they love, that it's time to move on, or simply try to keep getting through the days? She said something like, When you no longer have the desire to work and fight for it, it is over. I have to agree. I find myself wanting to get to that point, but for now, I feel I have made an enormous mistake and find myself desperately trying to decide whether or not to "get over" it or strive for what feels right at the moment. I have also found myself afraid to show my feelings out of shame and fear of rejection. But, onward soldier, right? I'm tired of feeling like a dupe and a coward. I think things can and will be much better after these things are settled, at least within myself. For now I am simply going to try to ride out the feelings the best I can. What is subject to rising is subject to cessation? I hope you're right, Brandon.

March

Spring has Marched in. It broke
into Winter's house,
stunning a girl.
Desire becomes vacant
when answered by Time's hard
mouth.

Poor, predictable girl! You expected
love
You were a good soldier
You ended up empty

This proves
March is the cruelest month.
April grows a dead hand, combing
promises and parked cars, roaming
poems and foaming rabidly.
Spring broke in rapidly,
demanding the money and the moll,
demanding a face and a telephone call,
but ended up empty.

Winter wore my limping hope like a banner,
but I grew tired of my own words.
I grew tired of unfamiliar faces,
and I hated the echoes of my own voice.

-March 14, 2004