Customer Support funnies
I know this kind of pain.
I actually used to work in a Waldenbooks store years ago, so the book store ones bring back memories.
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Me: “Thank you so much for calling [company name]. How may I help you today?”
Customer: “Hi! My phone is not working. I need you guys to send me a new one!”
Me: “Sure, I’ll be more than happy to assist you with that. First, I need to ask you some questions. Is your phone water damaged?”
Customer: “Not at all! I’m really careful with my phones.”
Me: “Okay, good. Ma’am, has the phone been dropped?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Then what happened to the phone, ma’am?”
Customer: “My little son dropped my phone on his apple juice.”
Me: “Ma’am, I asked you before if your phone was water damaged.”
Customer: “Well, you said water, not juice. It’s not the same, is it?”
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Me: “Hello, guest services.”
Guest: “Yes, my air conditioner has stopped working. Can you send a maintenance man up here right now to fix it?”
Me: “Sir, our maintenance guy will be here at 5 am. I can send him there as soon as he arrives. If the room is unbearable, I will gladly place you in a room with a working air conditioner.”
Guest: “No, I don’t want to switch rooms. If you can’t come up here yourself to fix it now, I am going to jump in your pool!”
Me: “Sir, the pool is closed for the night, but it will open at 7 am. Unfortunately, I am not sure how to fix your air conditioner. However, I will gladly put you in another room.”
Guest: “Listen here, either you fix the machine right now or you let me get in the pool! Or… let me have some cookies.”
Me: “Cookies, sir?”
Guest: “Yes, cookies!”
Me: “Sir, we have cookies down in the lobby 24/7. You are welcome to take all you want.”
Guest: “Ok, I’ll be right there!”
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Customer: “Can you help me find to “Frankenstein” trilogy by James Patterson?”
Me: “Sir, I think maybe you mean Dean Koontz.”
Customer: “No. Patterson wrote it.”
Me: “OK, one moment, let me get that for you.”
(I return with the first book of Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein trilogy).)
Me: “Is this what you wanted?”
Customer: “Yeah. That’s the one. I need the fourth book in the trilogy.”
Me: “I believe there are only three books in the trilogy.”
Customer: “No, I read online. There are four.”
Me: “Alright. One minute, please.”
(I return with the third book in the trilogy.)
Me: “Is this what you needed?”
Customer: “Yeah. That’s it. Have you read these?”
Me: “Yes I have. I thought they were a wonderful re-imagining of Mary Shelley. I really enjoyed Koontz’s ideas about the monster.”
Customer: “Yeah but he didn’t even put Frankenstein in the books. Just some scientist guy. What kind of a name is Victor anyway?”
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Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”
Me: “Sure.”
(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”
Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”
(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)
Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”
From NotAlwaysRight.com
I actually used to work in a Waldenbooks store years ago, so the book store ones bring back memories.
------------------------------------------
Me: “Thank you so much for calling [company name]. How may I help you today?”
Customer: “Hi! My phone is not working. I need you guys to send me a new one!”
Me: “Sure, I’ll be more than happy to assist you with that. First, I need to ask you some questions. Is your phone water damaged?”
Customer: “Not at all! I’m really careful with my phones.”
Me: “Okay, good. Ma’am, has the phone been dropped?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Then what happened to the phone, ma’am?”
Customer: “My little son dropped my phone on his apple juice.”
Me: “Ma’am, I asked you before if your phone was water damaged.”
Customer: “Well, you said water, not juice. It’s not the same, is it?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: “Hello, guest services.”
Guest: “Yes, my air conditioner has stopped working. Can you send a maintenance man up here right now to fix it?”
Me: “Sir, our maintenance guy will be here at 5 am. I can send him there as soon as he arrives. If the room is unbearable, I will gladly place you in a room with a working air conditioner.”
Guest: “No, I don’t want to switch rooms. If you can’t come up here yourself to fix it now, I am going to jump in your pool!”
Me: “Sir, the pool is closed for the night, but it will open at 7 am. Unfortunately, I am not sure how to fix your air conditioner. However, I will gladly put you in another room.”
Guest: “Listen here, either you fix the machine right now or you let me get in the pool! Or… let me have some cookies.”
Me: “Cookies, sir?”
Guest: “Yes, cookies!”
Me: “Sir, we have cookies down in the lobby 24/7. You are welcome to take all you want.”
Guest: “Ok, I’ll be right there!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: “Can you help me find to “Frankenstein” trilogy by James Patterson?”
Me: “Sir, I think maybe you mean Dean Koontz.”
Customer: “No. Patterson wrote it.”
Me: “OK, one moment, let me get that for you.”
(I return with the first book of Dean Koontz’s Frankenstein trilogy).)
Me: “Is this what you wanted?”
Customer: “Yeah. That’s the one. I need the fourth book in the trilogy.”
Me: “I believe there are only three books in the trilogy.”
Customer: “No, I read online. There are four.”
Me: “Alright. One minute, please.”
(I return with the third book in the trilogy.)
Me: “Is this what you needed?”
Customer: “Yeah. That’s it. Have you read these?”
Me: “Yes I have. I thought they were a wonderful re-imagining of Mary Shelley. I really enjoyed Koontz’s ideas about the monster.”
Customer: “Yeah but he didn’t even put Frankenstein in the books. Just some scientist guy. What kind of a name is Victor anyway?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: “Hey, can you help me find this book?”
Me: “Sure.”
(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)
Customer: “Thanks! How’d you do that so fast?”
Me: “Well, I’ve worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author’s name.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A’s before B’s?”
(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)
Customer: “The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all!”
From NotAlwaysRight.com