(no subject)
Emily calls me on Tuesday and wants to come over...so I let her. We didn't really do anything all day but watch Euro Trip for the millionth time, go snowskating, and play drinking games with Clint. And it's kinda funny, but apparently Clint can't hold his liquor. He got drunk off of what...two shots? And it was Arbor Mist! Yeah...I almost feel bad for him. Than Wednesday we had nothin better to do but go to the mall. We had to take Adam with us too. He said he was meeting people there, but he ended up hanging out with us the whole time instead of them. And I guess it was "everyone who ever went to Montrose" day at the mall. But I bought a hoodie so that makes it better. Oh and we got stalked. Ya know I don't mind being followed around for a while, but if ya wanna talk to us than just come out and fucking do it. God damn. Lol. Than Adam came home with us and we played more drinking games. After than we came upstairs and smoked a lot..and I mean a LOT..of weed and played some games. Yeah and I guess Adam turns gay when he gets high cause he just, out of no where, starts talking about how he would kiss a guys ass and all this shit and then goes up to my brother and kisses him. Poor, poor Clint. Lmao. We all stayed up all night laughing at the dumbest shit and I'm kinda glad no one was there to witness it lol. But it was fun. Emily went home today and Luke came over, and yeah that's about it.
There is this one thing that's been bothering me. I don't know if it makes sense to any of you, but it does to me. It probably sounds really bad too but I can't help it, it's just the way I feel. Some of you already know what I'm talking about but anyhow...I guess I'm like in this "thing" with this guy named Tony. I do like him alot. He's not like any guy I've ever met. It's complicated. He isn't all about sex, in fact he's the total opposite. Like I never know what he's thinking, and I like not knowing. All the guys I've ever been were way too predictable. But not this one. We can hang out and just do whatever and not have to worry about a thing. It's like we are best friends, but there is just something there..and we both know it. I wouldn't say were "dating" but I know how he feels and I don't want to hurt him. There's only one problem. He's in the army. And he's getting shipped off to Iraq January 19th. I don't know what to do. I can't just wait a year and a half for him to come back. What if he's changed? What if he gets hurt? I can't put myself through that. And we all know I can't stay away from guys that long. He really hopes that I will be here for him when he gets back and he says everything will be better by than...but he knows he can't expect that from me. Not only is the future not looking so good...but what about now. It's like, if I can't expect anything more from this relationship should I even bother with it? I've already done things. Well, I know it isn't a "real" relationship but I still can't help but feel like I fucked up. And it just seems to get worse. I'm really not trust worthy at all when it comes to guys. It sickens me. But it really is true. I can't help but think I could be missing out. And I'm not just gunna settle down with just whatever I find. I need to move on. And it's sad but I get bored so easy. I've had that problem since, as long as I can remember. I wish I weren't the way I am. But I am. I guess I just have to go with the flow. Whatever happens...happens. And as far as the Tony thing, well, I'm gunna try my best to keep him happy. I really do want him happy. <3