(no subject)
Time Check: 0210
status: Listless/unsettled/imsoniac
My redbull addiction is slowly uncovering it's claws lately.
My mind is dysfunctional and thus my body reacts in a similar manner.
Eyes to brain: It's 2:00am..
Brain: Tasha has a morning 2 hour lecture at 8.30am tomorrow. Tasha should.......
Hands: Reaches for the nearest can of redbull.
Tasha: Drank redbull at 2 am, with no intention or the need to still be brilliantly awake at this time.
ugh.
So,
Tomorrow or rather for those usual anal pricks who will go "but now..at this moment, its considered Monday"..today,
marks a new week of school.
It is actually not a new, as in, spanking new week of school.
To many its just ANOTHER week of school.
But for the always out of sync and oblivious student in me, I have yet to warm my gears for academic achievements just as yet.
For the past month, I have riding along or rather floating along with the buzz,
Nothing gets to me and nothing gets INTO me.
I have been a zombified but deliriously calm stranger among the masses of busybusybusy academic chasers.
I have a huge hole to fill in which theirs, are almost 3/4 filled with whatever is necessary.
I realised I have been pleasantly nonchalant when on Saturday I suddenly miss school.
Weird but true.
And I have to snap out of this small comforting bubble I call 'escapism' in which many would rather call 'laziness'
so yes..
*snap*snap*
I live my life everyday as when today leaves and tomorrow emerges.
I live my life with the daily routines i have conjured and the habits I have practised.
I live my life with the pumping of my heart and the inflation of my lungs.
I live my life with the greetings and acknowledgement from the people I love, I despise or do not know.
I live my life as normal as I want it to be.
However, that word normal..
that phrase im normal or im fine..
took a longer time to be said out like how every lie seems to be.
With every laugh and ever neverminds I say, I wished I never said them.
I wish I will just had left the pages unreplied, ignored.
From today onwards every goodmorning, goodafternoon or goodnight will be yours to initiate.
I have given that one soul another chance and now im retracting it all back again.
Its unfair.
I know it.
Im going to fulfill that.
One of the many untruths I thought have been circling around us, until now, you have not told me about her,
the bestfriend I always talked about
The bestfriend who you in fact love and place on a much higher pedestial than me.
As it was said, the truth gets to me without your company.
My brains are tired. My expectations are buried.
We could have made it easier if you didnt said those words. But you did.
And I realised those words you say it to another as well.
This whole episode I am being a girl.
that typical girl you always thought im not.
Today I am.
Friends.
Is that what we are?
I have been sighing for way too long.
I think I will respond to those who responds to me.
-salute-
To: The Mr,
My firefly, I will capture you and place you in a locket next to my heart.
I will forego the stars that only entices, one time there, one time not.
My firefly, I acknowlege you existance.
Stop hurting youself.
My firefly, give me time my eyes will be on you
I promise.
Give me time.
Love Tasha