??th Report :: [OOC] Char-analysis thingie
I kinda felt like I should do this, and since it might be interesting to other people, imma just leave this here
*Anna & Love
Marco loves Anna, but he won't recognize it as such unless someone points it out to him (or possibly just asks if he does). He assumes he's forgotten how to love, and the part of himself that feels bad for what he does says he doesn't deserve it anyway.
The thing with Anna is she's the first person he's cared for in a long time. When he got to the ship and noticed her connections with shapeshifters he wanted to try and get close to her to figure out what that was/just in case that somehow became an issue. But she was nice to him, and hot, and after a night of drinking he found himself wondering why it should matter. He was in a different world and no longer bound by the rules the Illuminati had set for him, so--aside from his own issues with shapeshifters--there was no reason to watch Anna closely or try to learn her secrets. Old habits die hard, though, especially those drilled into one's head. So he kept close to her, at first simply trying to be 'friends' so she could either be used as an ally or secrets could be mined from her.
Though he did notice he was worried about her when she fell in the caves...he didn't really know what to make of that. She was nice to him, they got along, and he didn't have to watch people there. It shouldn't hurt to have friends, so he didn't worry too much about it and simply ignored it.
Then Jenjen got out, and that worry returned. The way she treated him when he returned just made it worse--that's where he started to have a crush on her, even when not tipsy and simply thinking in a 'she's hot' sort of way. When Jenjen killed Anna it simply made it deeper; Marco still sees it--and by extension all the havoc Jenjen's release caused--as his fault, so he didn't question how worried and upset he was, and how relieved he was when she came back, at the time. The fact that Anna stayed with him when he got completely wasted after discovering his memory issues certainly helped along the way. He doesn't remember much of that night, save for he talked too much and let on at least two things he didn't want to tell her, but the fact that she stayed and took care of him meant a lot.
Somewhere between when Jenjen was released and Marco noticed his memory issues (I can't recall offhand though I could find it if I went back...I think it was very shortly after he died in the air strike), Marco realized that he couldn't get through an issue like that alone. Previously he'd been in some scrapes, but nothing as long lasting and all encompassing as what was happening. If he wanted to survive it--or, better yet, fix it--he'd have to trust someone. Anna was the first one he thought of, followed quickly by Remy (though Remy was for a completely different reason), due to the emotional response he had for her.
The shapeshifter/cat thing was a big issue, though. In general, as of this writing, Marco still hates felines (mostly supernatural ones, but it extends somewhat to natural wild cats), gods and shapeshifters (this is highly rooted in fear, though its so eclipsed by anger its hard to tell). Anna represented (even if her origin story is science fiction instead of fantasy) two of those things. For awhile, Marco hated himself for letting his emotions get the best of him about that, but it cleared up--that is to say, the emotions overwrote the forced conditioning of 'don't get attached' and self conditioning of 'these things are Bad'--after the night he spent wasted with her. He had already figured out (thanks Lilith! ;P) that Anna turned into a tiger by that point, but realized he'd be unable to deal with that issue while things were bad and resolved to talk to her about it once they were calm again/Jenjen was no longer an issue.
At first he didn't mean to talk to her about it on the Isle right away, but in the few hours between getting there and confronting her it gnawed away at him so much he just gave in. He didn't really expect much out of that talk--mostly Anna running off or her getting angry at him and possibly attacking--but he knew that he felt he wanted her to trust him enough to come clean. So, as much as it went against what had been drilled into his head for about three years, he resolved to tell him a little about himself if she did. She deserved to know that the organization he worked for was similar, at least in some ways, to the Facility that she feared so much. Besides, he'd never really be comfortable around her if she didn't know, and if he had to trust her...
The fact that they kind of 'stayed together,' or whatever you want to call it, after those revelations made his feelings for her stronger. At this point it was approaching 'love' but more in a 'i want to date her' sort of way that a 'i want to spend the rest of my life with her' way. But sorting out those feelings was too complicated for him to give it a name yet--he wasn't supposed to care about someone. He wasn't supposed to want anyone to trust him for reasons other than to complete his mission. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to feel about the people he interacted with at all. But he cared about Anna and she gave him a chance he'd been itching for since Izzy killed him and he realized that he really was in another world. A chance to try and be himself--who ever that was now, since he no longer knew--and possibly relax for once, even if he tried his best not to realize it at the time.
After things calmed down was when the paranoia about that set in. When things had been constantly dangerous, trusting someone and taking the few breaks he could get in her presence didn't seem so odd and didn't make him think too much about how he felt. Now that they were calm and safe again he had time to think and to realize how much he liked being able to shake off some of the constant edge he was on. Though the mess with Jenjen had flipped him back into work mode and--as far as he knew, though that's not entirely correct--made him start being cautious of people again he retained the ability to relax with Anna due to how strongly he felt with her. That, and therefor Anna, was more important to him than anything else. So he's terribly paranoid he'll do something to fuck it up and she'll leave him/stop trusting him/he won't be able to trust her anymore. Its not all of the reason he cares so much for her, its just the main reason he tries so hard to please her and not step on her toes--even if he ends up doing so anyway.
His love for her is eclipsing his fear of losing and need for a way to relax. When she got angry with him for hacking her conversation with Lucy (which he still doesn't fully understand why telling her he did it didn't help fix the issue), he was more worried about her emotional response to it than losing his 'safe space.' He wanted her to feel better and wanted to be able to see her again, but would have been able to accept it if she refused to trust him again (and still will be on the trust issue). There would have been much depression and drinking and pining for her for a long time afterwards, but he'd eventually get over it...though he probably would have tried once or twice to at least be friends again as time passed.
He hasn't actually realized that the argument that erupted from that lead to Anna's rampage; he suspects it, but he's not sure and does not think asking flat out what happened is wise. Most of the time he happily forgets that she can turn into a 300 pound killing machine, really, since pretending emotional issues don't exist is one of his favorite defense mechanisms.
The rampage itself was a big issue for Marco. He ended up shutting himself in his room for a few days and letting himself war between 'she really is dangerous/she'll just turn on me sometime too/you can never trust a fucking cat, they were right all along' with 'but she's so sweet, and i like being with her/she'd never hurt a fly if she were in her right mind/goddamnit i'm too stubborn to let something that clearly means so much to me slip away over something neither of us can help.' The longer he tried to think over it, the more guilty he felt for not trying to help her and the more lonely he felt for actually doing something so emotionally charged alone. He actually stopped drinking while trying to figure it out, since it hadn't helped! (He'd been using alcohol as a crutch to help him forget his issues since the memory issues started, so favouring fixing something instead of forgetting it was a big step.)
'I care for her more than I know how to say' eventually won out over 'I should hate her/I'm afraid of her' (though he's still a little afraid of her, honestly, he'll get over it). Gradually between 'this Jenjen business is finally over with, thank god' and the rampage, Marco fell really, really hard for Anna. He was used to suppressing weaker emotions, but something that runs as deeply as his feelings for Anna (and, lets face it, makes him feel as good as it does) was something he wasn't equipped to handle. And since he didn't want to enough, he resolved to either find a way that she could actually control it or try to take care of her so it never happened again. The fear that this will somehow drive them apart or will break her is what drives him so hard to 'fix it' (there is a small bit of his issue with shapeshifters mixed it, but that's barely a factor).
Marco doesn't want to shelter Anna so much as help her protect herself. He grew up with both a strong father figure and a strong mother figure, so he has a healthy respect for women and fully believes they can be just as strong/successful as men (though often not in the same ways). His mother fought hard to be just as good a solider as his father, and even though Marco didn't fully grasp that as a child, it stuck with him. He believes that Anna can get over her shyness and fear, and wants to help her do so even if he's not sure how one would go about doing that.
At the same time, he wants to protect her and take care of her, because that's what men always seemed to do for women in the society he grew up in. (Okay, not always but there was still the stigmata of not being 'a real man' if one let a woman take care of them instead of vice versa.) Its a stupidly conflicting problem, and he recognizes it as such, but isn't sure how to balance the need to take care of her and the need/desire to help her help herself.
He's conflicted on the issue of Phoenix and Anna being close physically. He doesn't really feel jealous of it (though he does feel a bit jealous that Anna showed Phoenix her kitty form), but he's uncomfortable with it. Before recent revelations, he was trying to figure out if he wanted to confront Phoenix about it or let Anna decide for herself. (He thinks its obvious she has feelings for him, and suspects them to be similar to his feelings for her, but isn't certain. If she left him for Phoenix he would have been devastated, but slightly 'happy that she's happy.') If Phoenix had done anything to hurt or upset her, Marco would have been pissed enough to use up his warning (something he's trying hard not to do), though.
Of course, it remains to be seen how this will work out after Anna's rampage (and Odette's return?), so it may become a non-issue. If Phoenix breaks off ties with her, part of him will be angry that Phoenix hurt her and part of him will be glad that the competition is gone.
After learning of Phoenix and Anna kissing at Ghadd, he took steps to start 'dating' Anna, though isn't sure if she sees it that way. He still calls their meetings, at least the ones where they eat together or go out and do something, 'dates' in his head. He doesn't exactly refer to her as his 'girlfriend,' because that carries an emotional label he's not sure he's ready for, but thinks she might be somewhere close.
Marco hasn't noticed if anyone else has feelings for Anna or not, and doesn't believe her to feel 'that way' about anyone else. He trusts her enough to assume she'd tell him if she did, or at least believes that he'd be able to pick up on it from her behaviour. He'll be annoyed when he finds out how much Daxter is hitting on her, though (:D) but may not do anything due to the fact that Daxter's well...a deluded rat as far as Marco's concerned.
Its probably important to note that part of the reason Marco cares so much about Anna is simply because she's the first woman he's had feelings for in over three years and the first person he's trusted since the Illuminati picked him up. If it wasn't Anna, he would have fallen hard for any other woman that offered him a chance at those feelings and seemed to feel something for him in return. It would have taken longer for him to mention anything about his past, though, so the trust issues would not have come up as soon. I've yet to figure out how he'll handle if it they break up or Anna disappears. Its not likely he'll feel as strongly, as quickly, with any other woman due to the fact that is no longer 'new.'
*Friends & 'Friends'
As far as Marco's concerned, with the exceptions of Anna and Remy, he only tries to make friends on the ship to further his own ends. Any attempt to be friendly starts out as him attempting to 'blend in,' or at least not stand out too much, or as an attempt to get information from someone. The method of gaining information he's most used to is getting in close, getting someone's trust, and then getting that information and using it how he was supposed to. Of course, back home that meant he was moved somewhere else once he had what he needed, so he's not sure how to deal with people discovering this. After being made Lt. in Godric's task force--and even more so after taking over it--Marco's also attempting to simply gain allies. Even if people don't have an immediate use, they may come in handy later on. As far as he's concerned, if he's trying to make friends with you, its because he has a use for you.
I do not emote this very well in his tags, and I am aware of this. There are various reasons for this, but none of them really need to be explained as I understand them. I'm working on trying to fix it, at least in tags where narrative or poses are included; adding it to simple one line dialog things seems rather unnecessary and cluttered.
Marco is not entirely correct on this. Since he started taking steps to try and trust Anna and Remy, he's been opening himself up more to actually being friends with people instead of just seeming like it. Anyone he gets along well with and talks with in a regular basis probably falls into this category, but I'm too lazy to go through all of his interactions and find them. (I can name a number, but dun feel like listing, so there ;P) He will likely begin to notice this the next time Shit Happens or these people are somehow put in danger. Then I'll sit down and figure out how he deals with it, but its not likely much will be noticeable from an outside perspective.
There are two people on board that Marco considers true friends, and they both mean a lot to him. Anna was discussed above, Remy is the other. (While he was here, Godric was quickly falling into that category, mostly due to how much trust he put into Marco.) Whereas his decision to trust Anna was a purely emotional one, his decision to trust Remy during the Jenjen crisis was an intellectual decision. Remy seemed to be one of the few people who knew what he was doing, and one of the few people who had enough information about the ship that could help. And Remy was willing to work with Marco, so that cemented it. (It also meant that Marco went over Every. Single. One. of Remy's posts to the network, though I only skimmed them.) Since they got along so well, had so much in common and worked so well together during that event, Marco started to grow emotionally close to the man as well. When things calmed down, he saw no reason not to keep up the friendship and level of trust they both showed each other. (He also still trusts Vincent due to their interactions at the end of the Jenjen event, but as those two aren't really close socially he doesn't consider the man a friend.) Getting drunk with Remy and plotting things is always fun, too, and Remy was nice enough to teach Marco how to mix drinks so he'd have something to do.
Like Anna, but not to as extreme of a degree, Marco is protective of his relationship with Remy. He has no romantic feelings towards the man, but if their friendship became somehow strained he'd start working as hard as he could to repair it. He feels he owes Remy for being one of the few friends he has, but isn't entirely aware of this. He just knows he feels grateful and doubt he could make it up to the other man if Remy ever tried to call him on it.
In general, Marco has no idea how to deal with friendships anymore. He's been out of the habit for so long, that its all awkward and weird to him. This is why he's so derpy around Anna and, to a lesser extent, around Remy (though that doesn't usually show) and will start being so around others once he recognizes he feels for them.
*good vs bad vs grey. and how he deals with what he does
Marco's status on the line of "good guy vs bad guy" isn't very clear. I said once "if he's on your side, he's a good guy, if he's on the other side he's a bad guy," though really that could be said for anyone. In terms of attitude and methods he's more of a bad guy, but in terms of goals he's...somewhere in between. When he's not focusing on revenge, he's attempting to make things 'better,' so I suppose that makes him good? He's a very grey-area character. He's a good guy doing bad things or a bad guy trying to be good, or maybe both at the same time. If you want to really nail it down, he does fall on the 'bad' side of things at this time. He may believe that the ends justify the means, but that doesn't mean that he's right when his means are far from clean.
As time on the boat passes he swings slightly more towards 'good,' but that could possibly change based on how things go. Its not likely, however, that is methods will change much; he's not likely to feel guilty about trying to befriend people to gain allies (or information) as long as he doesn't hurt them, or putting them in danger if it will do some good (though he is against putting (most) people in danger for no reason). 'The good of the many outweighs the good of the few' and all that is something Marco believes in firmly. There are, as far as he's concerned, a lot of bad people out there, and he considers most people he meets as dangerous unless proven otherwise, but he does believe there are innocents that need protecting. Although at times its more of a 'i want to believe' than 'i can show you these people who aren't bad.'
Prior to the boat and after being picked up by the Illuminati, Marco did a lot of work with the underworld. At first, the fact that he was helping certain groups (okay, mostly the one group and those they controlled) get guns, drugs and various illegal activities on the streets was a bit problem with him. Since he didn't have the option of quitting, he adopted a 'better the devil you know than the devil you don't' attitude about it. The Illuminati didn't have the best interests of everyone in mind, but he couldn't deny that some of the groups they worked on muscling out were much worse than they were. He accepted that these trades would never be stopped, at least not in his lifetime, so it must be better to make them more regulated. Of course he never learned the actual goals behind what he was doing, but it was much easier not to worry about it. Any little thing that made him able to sleep at night.
The fact that he'd been conditioned into accepting that the Illuminati's decisions were the right ones didn't hurt. To avoid a moral crisis, and the emotional issues that would bring, Marco chose to just pretend everything he was doing was fine and what he was being fed was correct. After all, if he wasn't outright making things worse and he'd eventually (so he believed) get what he wanted from the organization it clearly wasn't that important.
Even though he's not 'at work' anymore, the various ideas for mistrust and paranoia drilled into his head remain. Its unlikely he'll ever be able to get rid of them, and even more unlikely he'll be willing to try, but he may be able to lessen their impact on his thought process in time and with help.
As for using people to 'make things right' or protect others, that wasn't an idea fully forced into him by the Illuminati. Sure, they taught him to use people to complete his missions, but the idea was there before. A part of his military upbringing included the idea that civilians were somehow...lacking (he is not entirely consciously aware of this, and would likely deny it if called on it). This was never outright stated, and would have been rejected if it was, but enough of the adults--and their children--he knew had the attitude that it wore off a bit on him. The idea wasn't always that civilians were weak, some of them just weren't cut out for being soldiers (either for physical or mental reasons, or because they were much better suited for a different role in life) but the majority of them were simply ignorant (sometimes of their own choice!) of the 'true state' of the world or of what really needed to be done. Still, unless they ended up in a war zone, Marco would never have considered placing civilians in danger in order to solve things. Unless, of course, there were not enough soldiers...which is how he sees the boat.
This, and the fact that people return from the dead, is why he doesn't have so much of an issue with putting people into danger if it will help fix something. They should be able to tell the dangers at that point, and if they volunteered to help or if their skill set is NEEDED, even if they tried to get out of it, then it needs to be done. Unless things got really bad, its unlikely he'd try to send anyone who made it obvious they'd rather hide into danger. He is not against, however, guilt-tripping or otherwise manipulating people into helping. It should be their duty, as far as he sees it. There are very few people he'd send into danger for no reason other than to get rid of them, though. They have to do something to prove they deserve it first.
With the possible exception of his actual friends, Marco would feel no remorse for anyone that got injured due to him sending them to do something in a crisis. Even if they didn't manage to make things better, even just the data from the failed attempt is something. 'The needs of the many, etc, etc' again.
*straining conditioning and what that conditioning is
And by "conditioning" I mean "brainwashing." Calling it "conditioning" is a throw back to the "Social Conditioning" from the Technocracy that was used on the original version of Marco. That was ~magic~ brainwashing, this version just has a mundane kind.
His conditioning took place in three steps, first when he was in the hospital after being scooped up by the Illuminati and then both times he was trained. All three times used basic concepts of drugs, repetition, forced isolation and controls over what he ate and drank. Aside from a few questions during the first stage, which were quickly countered with moar drugs, and some issues with the last stage, Marco was mostly unaware of what was being done to him. He started to become aware of it while working undercover, but in general he didn't have time to dwell on it so it never caused an issue to the organization. On the boat, though, he's got much more free time and has started questioning parts of it. Mostly the "what we say is Right because we say so," "we know what's best for you," and "these guys are Bad" parts (a lot of the last one, since he was given a lot of "supernatural stuff we don't control is Bad"). Marco has not begun to, nor is it likely he will anytime soon, question or strain against the "information is your life" and "the ends justify the means" sort of bits. There's also a "Trust no one" bit that he's kinda-sorta working on and kinda-sorta avoiding doing so. See above, I suppose.
During and after the first two steps, most of Felix's personality remained unchanged. It was the last step that switched him over to the paranoid, information mongering bastard he is now (mind, he was still a bastard before, just not as much ;P). Marco doesn't really see how much of this was guided by the organization; he thought--largely because they told him so--that it was a natural affect of working how he was. He still does, but events like the age change make him notice how extreme it was. Sadly, he'd prefer not to worry about it much.
Putting him into undercover work is what started Marco on the road to fighting his conditioning. When he was a foot soldier, he worked in a team and was given strict orders. Working undercover, he needed to think and decide for himself (orders were more "you get this done, i don't care how" than "you do this and this and this and stfu"). Occasionally, his feelings, ideas or morals would conflict what he'd been told, though usually the organization was able to reinforce the conditioning when he returned to headquarters.
*Work and/or lack there of
BTing? dealing with so much fucking free time
*fuck you jenjen. and fuck you sully, too
what it says :D
*family and lost memories
he didn't use to care, and he'll stop caring again soon, but why he suddenly missed them
*task force?
why he got involved, how he took being made Lt and what to do now/what he'll do when Shit Happens
*Redd, crew and boat!rules
*fuck, i dunno, something or another
*Anna & Love
Marco loves Anna, but he won't recognize it as such unless someone points it out to him (or possibly just asks if he does). He assumes he's forgotten how to love, and the part of himself that feels bad for what he does says he doesn't deserve it anyway.
The thing with Anna is she's the first person he's cared for in a long time. When he got to the ship and noticed her connections with shapeshifters he wanted to try and get close to her to figure out what that was/just in case that somehow became an issue. But she was nice to him, and hot, and after a night of drinking he found himself wondering why it should matter. He was in a different world and no longer bound by the rules the Illuminati had set for him, so--aside from his own issues with shapeshifters--there was no reason to watch Anna closely or try to learn her secrets. Old habits die hard, though, especially those drilled into one's head. So he kept close to her, at first simply trying to be 'friends' so she could either be used as an ally or secrets could be mined from her.
Though he did notice he was worried about her when she fell in the caves...he didn't really know what to make of that. She was nice to him, they got along, and he didn't have to watch people there. It shouldn't hurt to have friends, so he didn't worry too much about it and simply ignored it.
Then Jenjen got out, and that worry returned. The way she treated him when he returned just made it worse--that's where he started to have a crush on her, even when not tipsy and simply thinking in a 'she's hot' sort of way. When Jenjen killed Anna it simply made it deeper; Marco still sees it--and by extension all the havoc Jenjen's release caused--as his fault, so he didn't question how worried and upset he was, and how relieved he was when she came back, at the time. The fact that Anna stayed with him when he got completely wasted after discovering his memory issues certainly helped along the way. He doesn't remember much of that night, save for he talked too much and let on at least two things he didn't want to tell her, but the fact that she stayed and took care of him meant a lot.
Somewhere between when Jenjen was released and Marco noticed his memory issues (I can't recall offhand though I could find it if I went back...I think it was very shortly after he died in the air strike), Marco realized that he couldn't get through an issue like that alone. Previously he'd been in some scrapes, but nothing as long lasting and all encompassing as what was happening. If he wanted to survive it--or, better yet, fix it--he'd have to trust someone. Anna was the first one he thought of, followed quickly by Remy (though Remy was for a completely different reason), due to the emotional response he had for her.
The shapeshifter/cat thing was a big issue, though. In general, as of this writing, Marco still hates felines (mostly supernatural ones, but it extends somewhat to natural wild cats), gods and shapeshifters (this is highly rooted in fear, though its so eclipsed by anger its hard to tell). Anna represented (even if her origin story is science fiction instead of fantasy) two of those things. For awhile, Marco hated himself for letting his emotions get the best of him about that, but it cleared up--that is to say, the emotions overwrote the forced conditioning of 'don't get attached' and self conditioning of 'these things are Bad'--after the night he spent wasted with her. He had already figured out (thanks Lilith! ;P) that Anna turned into a tiger by that point, but realized he'd be unable to deal with that issue while things were bad and resolved to talk to her about it once they were calm again/Jenjen was no longer an issue.
At first he didn't mean to talk to her about it on the Isle right away, but in the few hours between getting there and confronting her it gnawed away at him so much he just gave in. He didn't really expect much out of that talk--mostly Anna running off or her getting angry at him and possibly attacking--but he knew that he felt he wanted her to trust him enough to come clean. So, as much as it went against what had been drilled into his head for about three years, he resolved to tell him a little about himself if she did. She deserved to know that the organization he worked for was similar, at least in some ways, to the Facility that she feared so much. Besides, he'd never really be comfortable around her if she didn't know, and if he had to trust her...
The fact that they kind of 'stayed together,' or whatever you want to call it, after those revelations made his feelings for her stronger. At this point it was approaching 'love' but more in a 'i want to date her' sort of way that a 'i want to spend the rest of my life with her' way. But sorting out those feelings was too complicated for him to give it a name yet--he wasn't supposed to care about someone. He wasn't supposed to want anyone to trust him for reasons other than to complete his mission. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to feel about the people he interacted with at all. But he cared about Anna and she gave him a chance he'd been itching for since Izzy killed him and he realized that he really was in another world. A chance to try and be himself--who ever that was now, since he no longer knew--and possibly relax for once, even if he tried his best not to realize it at the time.
After things calmed down was when the paranoia about that set in. When things had been constantly dangerous, trusting someone and taking the few breaks he could get in her presence didn't seem so odd and didn't make him think too much about how he felt. Now that they were calm and safe again he had time to think and to realize how much he liked being able to shake off some of the constant edge he was on. Though the mess with Jenjen had flipped him back into work mode and--as far as he knew, though that's not entirely correct--made him start being cautious of people again he retained the ability to relax with Anna due to how strongly he felt with her. That, and therefor Anna, was more important to him than anything else. So he's terribly paranoid he'll do something to fuck it up and she'll leave him/stop trusting him/he won't be able to trust her anymore. Its not all of the reason he cares so much for her, its just the main reason he tries so hard to please her and not step on her toes--even if he ends up doing so anyway.
His love for her is eclipsing his fear of losing and need for a way to relax. When she got angry with him for hacking her conversation with Lucy (which he still doesn't fully understand why telling her he did it didn't help fix the issue), he was more worried about her emotional response to it than losing his 'safe space.' He wanted her to feel better and wanted to be able to see her again, but would have been able to accept it if she refused to trust him again (and still will be on the trust issue). There would have been much depression and drinking and pining for her for a long time afterwards, but he'd eventually get over it...though he probably would have tried once or twice to at least be friends again as time passed.
He hasn't actually realized that the argument that erupted from that lead to Anna's rampage; he suspects it, but he's not sure and does not think asking flat out what happened is wise. Most of the time he happily forgets that she can turn into a 300 pound killing machine, really, since pretending emotional issues don't exist is one of his favorite defense mechanisms.
The rampage itself was a big issue for Marco. He ended up shutting himself in his room for a few days and letting himself war between 'she really is dangerous/she'll just turn on me sometime too/you can never trust a fucking cat, they were right all along' with 'but she's so sweet, and i like being with her/she'd never hurt a fly if she were in her right mind/goddamnit i'm too stubborn to let something that clearly means so much to me slip away over something neither of us can help.' The longer he tried to think over it, the more guilty he felt for not trying to help her and the more lonely he felt for actually doing something so emotionally charged alone. He actually stopped drinking while trying to figure it out, since it hadn't helped! (He'd been using alcohol as a crutch to help him forget his issues since the memory issues started, so favouring fixing something instead of forgetting it was a big step.)
'I care for her more than I know how to say' eventually won out over 'I should hate her/I'm afraid of her' (though he's still a little afraid of her, honestly, he'll get over it). Gradually between 'this Jenjen business is finally over with, thank god' and the rampage, Marco fell really, really hard for Anna. He was used to suppressing weaker emotions, but something that runs as deeply as his feelings for Anna (and, lets face it, makes him feel as good as it does) was something he wasn't equipped to handle. And since he didn't want to enough, he resolved to either find a way that she could actually control it or try to take care of her so it never happened again. The fear that this will somehow drive them apart or will break her is what drives him so hard to 'fix it' (there is a small bit of his issue with shapeshifters mixed it, but that's barely a factor).
Marco doesn't want to shelter Anna so much as help her protect herself. He grew up with both a strong father figure and a strong mother figure, so he has a healthy respect for women and fully believes they can be just as strong/successful as men (though often not in the same ways). His mother fought hard to be just as good a solider as his father, and even though Marco didn't fully grasp that as a child, it stuck with him. He believes that Anna can get over her shyness and fear, and wants to help her do so even if he's not sure how one would go about doing that.
At the same time, he wants to protect her and take care of her, because that's what men always seemed to do for women in the society he grew up in. (Okay, not always but there was still the stigmata of not being 'a real man' if one let a woman take care of them instead of vice versa.) Its a stupidly conflicting problem, and he recognizes it as such, but isn't sure how to balance the need to take care of her and the need/desire to help her help herself.
He's conflicted on the issue of Phoenix and Anna being close physically. He doesn't really feel jealous of it (though he does feel a bit jealous that Anna showed Phoenix her kitty form), but he's uncomfortable with it. Before recent revelations, he was trying to figure out if he wanted to confront Phoenix about it or let Anna decide for herself. (He thinks its obvious she has feelings for him, and suspects them to be similar to his feelings for her, but isn't certain. If she left him for Phoenix he would have been devastated, but slightly 'happy that she's happy.') If Phoenix had done anything to hurt or upset her, Marco would have been pissed enough to use up his warning (something he's trying hard not to do), though.
Of course, it remains to be seen how this will work out after Anna's rampage (and Odette's return?), so it may become a non-issue. If Phoenix breaks off ties with her, part of him will be angry that Phoenix hurt her and part of him will be glad that the competition is gone.
After learning of Phoenix and Anna kissing at Ghadd, he took steps to start 'dating' Anna, though isn't sure if she sees it that way. He still calls their meetings, at least the ones where they eat together or go out and do something, 'dates' in his head. He doesn't exactly refer to her as his 'girlfriend,' because that carries an emotional label he's not sure he's ready for, but thinks she might be somewhere close.
Marco hasn't noticed if anyone else has feelings for Anna or not, and doesn't believe her to feel 'that way' about anyone else. He trusts her enough to assume she'd tell him if she did, or at least believes that he'd be able to pick up on it from her behaviour. He'll be annoyed when he finds out how much Daxter is hitting on her, though (:D) but may not do anything due to the fact that Daxter's well...a deluded rat as far as Marco's concerned.
Its probably important to note that part of the reason Marco cares so much about Anna is simply because she's the first woman he's had feelings for in over three years and the first person he's trusted since the Illuminati picked him up. If it wasn't Anna, he would have fallen hard for any other woman that offered him a chance at those feelings and seemed to feel something for him in return. It would have taken longer for him to mention anything about his past, though, so the trust issues would not have come up as soon. I've yet to figure out how he'll handle if it they break up or Anna disappears. Its not likely he'll feel as strongly, as quickly, with any other woman due to the fact that is no longer 'new.'
*Friends & 'Friends'
As far as Marco's concerned, with the exceptions of Anna and Remy, he only tries to make friends on the ship to further his own ends. Any attempt to be friendly starts out as him attempting to 'blend in,' or at least not stand out too much, or as an attempt to get information from someone. The method of gaining information he's most used to is getting in close, getting someone's trust, and then getting that information and using it how he was supposed to. Of course, back home that meant he was moved somewhere else once he had what he needed, so he's not sure how to deal with people discovering this. After being made Lt. in Godric's task force--and even more so after taking over it--Marco's also attempting to simply gain allies. Even if people don't have an immediate use, they may come in handy later on. As far as he's concerned, if he's trying to make friends with you, its because he has a use for you.
I do not emote this very well in his tags, and I am aware of this. There are various reasons for this, but none of them really need to be explained as I understand them. I'm working on trying to fix it, at least in tags where narrative or poses are included; adding it to simple one line dialog things seems rather unnecessary and cluttered.
Marco is not entirely correct on this. Since he started taking steps to try and trust Anna and Remy, he's been opening himself up more to actually being friends with people instead of just seeming like it. Anyone he gets along well with and talks with in a regular basis probably falls into this category, but I'm too lazy to go through all of his interactions and find them. (I can name a number, but dun feel like listing, so there ;P) He will likely begin to notice this the next time Shit Happens or these people are somehow put in danger. Then I'll sit down and figure out how he deals with it, but its not likely much will be noticeable from an outside perspective.
There are two people on board that Marco considers true friends, and they both mean a lot to him. Anna was discussed above, Remy is the other. (While he was here, Godric was quickly falling into that category, mostly due to how much trust he put into Marco.) Whereas his decision to trust Anna was a purely emotional one, his decision to trust Remy during the Jenjen crisis was an intellectual decision. Remy seemed to be one of the few people who knew what he was doing, and one of the few people who had enough information about the ship that could help. And Remy was willing to work with Marco, so that cemented it. (It also meant that Marco went over Every. Single. One. of Remy's posts to the network, though I only skimmed them.) Since they got along so well, had so much in common and worked so well together during that event, Marco started to grow emotionally close to the man as well. When things calmed down, he saw no reason not to keep up the friendship and level of trust they both showed each other. (He also still trusts Vincent due to their interactions at the end of the Jenjen event, but as those two aren't really close socially he doesn't consider the man a friend.) Getting drunk with Remy and plotting things is always fun, too, and Remy was nice enough to teach Marco how to mix drinks so he'd have something to do.
Like Anna, but not to as extreme of a degree, Marco is protective of his relationship with Remy. He has no romantic feelings towards the man, but if their friendship became somehow strained he'd start working as hard as he could to repair it. He feels he owes Remy for being one of the few friends he has, but isn't entirely aware of this. He just knows he feels grateful and doubt he could make it up to the other man if Remy ever tried to call him on it.
In general, Marco has no idea how to deal with friendships anymore. He's been out of the habit for so long, that its all awkward and weird to him. This is why he's so derpy around Anna and, to a lesser extent, around Remy (though that doesn't usually show) and will start being so around others once he recognizes he feels for them.
*good vs bad vs grey. and how he deals with what he does
Marco's status on the line of "good guy vs bad guy" isn't very clear. I said once "if he's on your side, he's a good guy, if he's on the other side he's a bad guy," though really that could be said for anyone. In terms of attitude and methods he's more of a bad guy, but in terms of goals he's...somewhere in between. When he's not focusing on revenge, he's attempting to make things 'better,' so I suppose that makes him good? He's a very grey-area character. He's a good guy doing bad things or a bad guy trying to be good, or maybe both at the same time. If you want to really nail it down, he does fall on the 'bad' side of things at this time. He may believe that the ends justify the means, but that doesn't mean that he's right when his means are far from clean.
As time on the boat passes he swings slightly more towards 'good,' but that could possibly change based on how things go. Its not likely, however, that is methods will change much; he's not likely to feel guilty about trying to befriend people to gain allies (or information) as long as he doesn't hurt them, or putting them in danger if it will do some good (though he is against putting (most) people in danger for no reason). 'The good of the many outweighs the good of the few' and all that is something Marco believes in firmly. There are, as far as he's concerned, a lot of bad people out there, and he considers most people he meets as dangerous unless proven otherwise, but he does believe there are innocents that need protecting. Although at times its more of a 'i want to believe' than 'i can show you these people who aren't bad.'
Prior to the boat and after being picked up by the Illuminati, Marco did a lot of work with the underworld. At first, the fact that he was helping certain groups (okay, mostly the one group and those they controlled) get guns, drugs and various illegal activities on the streets was a bit problem with him. Since he didn't have the option of quitting, he adopted a 'better the devil you know than the devil you don't' attitude about it. The Illuminati didn't have the best interests of everyone in mind, but he couldn't deny that some of the groups they worked on muscling out were much worse than they were. He accepted that these trades would never be stopped, at least not in his lifetime, so it must be better to make them more regulated. Of course he never learned the actual goals behind what he was doing, but it was much easier not to worry about it. Any little thing that made him able to sleep at night.
The fact that he'd been conditioned into accepting that the Illuminati's decisions were the right ones didn't hurt. To avoid a moral crisis, and the emotional issues that would bring, Marco chose to just pretend everything he was doing was fine and what he was being fed was correct. After all, if he wasn't outright making things worse and he'd eventually (so he believed) get what he wanted from the organization it clearly wasn't that important.
Even though he's not 'at work' anymore, the various ideas for mistrust and paranoia drilled into his head remain. Its unlikely he'll ever be able to get rid of them, and even more unlikely he'll be willing to try, but he may be able to lessen their impact on his thought process in time and with help.
As for using people to 'make things right' or protect others, that wasn't an idea fully forced into him by the Illuminati. Sure, they taught him to use people to complete his missions, but the idea was there before. A part of his military upbringing included the idea that civilians were somehow...lacking (he is not entirely consciously aware of this, and would likely deny it if called on it). This was never outright stated, and would have been rejected if it was, but enough of the adults--and their children--he knew had the attitude that it wore off a bit on him. The idea wasn't always that civilians were weak, some of them just weren't cut out for being soldiers (either for physical or mental reasons, or because they were much better suited for a different role in life) but the majority of them were simply ignorant (sometimes of their own choice!) of the 'true state' of the world or of what really needed to be done. Still, unless they ended up in a war zone, Marco would never have considered placing civilians in danger in order to solve things. Unless, of course, there were not enough soldiers...which is how he sees the boat.
This, and the fact that people return from the dead, is why he doesn't have so much of an issue with putting people into danger if it will help fix something. They should be able to tell the dangers at that point, and if they volunteered to help or if their skill set is NEEDED, even if they tried to get out of it, then it needs to be done. Unless things got really bad, its unlikely he'd try to send anyone who made it obvious they'd rather hide into danger. He is not against, however, guilt-tripping or otherwise manipulating people into helping. It should be their duty, as far as he sees it. There are very few people he'd send into danger for no reason other than to get rid of them, though. They have to do something to prove they deserve it first.
With the possible exception of his actual friends, Marco would feel no remorse for anyone that got injured due to him sending them to do something in a crisis. Even if they didn't manage to make things better, even just the data from the failed attempt is something. 'The needs of the many, etc, etc' again.
*straining conditioning and what that conditioning is
And by "conditioning" I mean "brainwashing." Calling it "conditioning" is a throw back to the "Social Conditioning" from the Technocracy that was used on the original version of Marco. That was ~magic~ brainwashing, this version just has a mundane kind.
His conditioning took place in three steps, first when he was in the hospital after being scooped up by the Illuminati and then both times he was trained. All three times used basic concepts of drugs, repetition, forced isolation and controls over what he ate and drank. Aside from a few questions during the first stage, which were quickly countered with moar drugs, and some issues with the last stage, Marco was mostly unaware of what was being done to him. He started to become aware of it while working undercover, but in general he didn't have time to dwell on it so it never caused an issue to the organization. On the boat, though, he's got much more free time and has started questioning parts of it. Mostly the "what we say is Right because we say so," "we know what's best for you," and "these guys are Bad" parts (a lot of the last one, since he was given a lot of "supernatural stuff we don't control is Bad"). Marco has not begun to, nor is it likely he will anytime soon, question or strain against the "information is your life" and "the ends justify the means" sort of bits. There's also a "Trust no one" bit that he's kinda-sorta working on and kinda-sorta avoiding doing so. See above, I suppose.
During and after the first two steps, most of Felix's personality remained unchanged. It was the last step that switched him over to the paranoid, information mongering bastard he is now (mind, he was still a bastard before, just not as much ;P). Marco doesn't really see how much of this was guided by the organization; he thought--largely because they told him so--that it was a natural affect of working how he was. He still does, but events like the age change make him notice how extreme it was. Sadly, he'd prefer not to worry about it much.
Putting him into undercover work is what started Marco on the road to fighting his conditioning. When he was a foot soldier, he worked in a team and was given strict orders. Working undercover, he needed to think and decide for himself (orders were more "you get this done, i don't care how" than "you do this and this and this and stfu"). Occasionally, his feelings, ideas or morals would conflict what he'd been told, though usually the organization was able to reinforce the conditioning when he returned to headquarters.
*Work and/or lack there of
BTing? dealing with so much fucking free time
*fuck you jenjen. and fuck you sully, too
what it says :D
*family and lost memories
he didn't use to care, and he'll stop caring again soon, but why he suddenly missed them
*task force?
why he got involved, how he took being made Lt and what to do now/what he'll do when Shit Happens
*Redd, crew and boat!rules
*fuck, i dunno, something or another