Another Typical Night In Vegas, Now With Celebrity Fail! UPDATED
I post this here which is to the best of my recollection the first phone call I got last night at work, minus some of the tedious routine stuff. And because it's fucking hilarious.
ME: Thank you for calling [where I work] my name is [me--my name is different on the phone, btw] how may I--
FEMALE CALLER: (interrupts) My name is mumble personal assistant to mumble mumble
ME: (ookay...) And how may I assist you?
FEMALE CALLER: Mumblemumble would like three tickets for tonight's late show. Mumblemumble is a famous actress...
ME: (alrighty then!) Um. (selling twenty different shows on a Saturday) Which show are you calling for?
FEMALE CALLER: [names popular show which I actually sell for]
ME: Certainly, may I--
FEMALE CALLER: Stand by for mumblemumble. (different voice now, still female) Hello, I'm mumblemumble, I'm a famous actress (note: yes she said it herself) and I've been told your show is fabulous so I want three tickets for tonight's late show. The best seats, right in the front!
ME: (okay, the theater for that show is shaped like a bowl, so, the closer you are to the stage, the more you look up. I've seen it five times, you do NOT want to sit in the front., but if people ask for it I'm not about to talk them out of it) Certainly, I have some second row seats, there are only three in that row, so...
FAMOUS ACTRESS: Okay, I want to pull that trigger, pull that string. (pause. I think she gets I have no idea what she's talking about.) Let's do this. (another pause) Because I'm famous.
ME: (don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh) All right, let me advise you these are nonrefun--
FAMOUS ACTRESS: (sounds impatient)* Here, talk to my lawyer, he'll finish the deal.
ME: uh...
(Male voice comes onto the phone)
LAWYER: Okay, we'll be using such and such a card... The last name is Boyle. First name Laura.**
ME: Is there a middle initial on the card?
LAWYER: F.
ME: F as in Frank?
LAWYER: (dramatic pause, minor sigh) F as in Flynn.
ME: ?!? (this is the first time I've heard the name pronounced other than mumblemumble. Laura Flynn Boyle. I think I know that name but I am so not into celebrity stuff I have no idea from where I know it, only that I do, vaguely.)
(we go through billing address, etc. Card number. Okay. I read back the info on date, time, show, seat location... And then the lawyer proves that his client really should pay him more.)
LAWYER: Second row? Is that really the best place to see that from?
ME: Honestly, I prefer to see it a little further back, but Ms. Boyle requested the closest seats, so...
LAWYER: Is there something better, maybe a little further back?
ME: (of course there is) I have sixth row available, on an aisle. Still close but not too close.
LAWYER: Let's get those instead.
ME: (good choice, thinks I) Let me just swap those out for you... Okay let me verify purchase of [show] for tonight at [time], total charge is [price], let me get you a confirmation number, is there anything else I can assist you with?
LAWYER: Nope, that's it.
ME: Thank you for calling, have a great time at your show!
LAWYER: (heavy sigh usually associated with the put-upon) Yeah. Thanks.
ME: (after call concludes, to my neighbor who reads gossip mags) Who the heck is Laura Flynn Boyle?
COWORKER: (shrugs)
ME: Clearly not as famous as she believes, then...
__________
*on reflection I think she was kind of ticked off I didn't recognize her name and/or start the celebufawning. Honestly, I couldn't understand her freaking name until later in the call, and even then... whatever
** have just been informed that Ms. Famous Actress is actually Lara Flynn Boyle. Not Laura. Yeah, famous. Whoops my bad XD
ME: Thank you for calling [where I work] my name is [me--my name is different on the phone, btw] how may I--
FEMALE CALLER: (interrupts) My name is mumble personal assistant to mumble mumble
ME: (ookay...) And how may I assist you?
FEMALE CALLER: Mumblemumble would like three tickets for tonight's late show. Mumblemumble is a famous actress...
ME: (alrighty then!) Um. (selling twenty different shows on a Saturday) Which show are you calling for?
FEMALE CALLER: [names popular show which I actually sell for]
ME: Certainly, may I--
FEMALE CALLER: Stand by for mumblemumble. (different voice now, still female) Hello, I'm mumblemumble, I'm a famous actress (note: yes she said it herself) and I've been told your show is fabulous so I want three tickets for tonight's late show. The best seats, right in the front!
ME: (okay, the theater for that show is shaped like a bowl, so, the closer you are to the stage, the more you look up. I've seen it five times, you do NOT want to sit in the front., but if people ask for it I'm not about to talk them out of it) Certainly, I have some second row seats, there are only three in that row, so...
FAMOUS ACTRESS: Okay, I want to pull that trigger, pull that string. (pause. I think she gets I have no idea what she's talking about.) Let's do this. (another pause) Because I'm famous.
ME: (don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh) All right, let me advise you these are nonrefun--
FAMOUS ACTRESS: (sounds impatient)* Here, talk to my lawyer, he'll finish the deal.
ME: uh...
(Male voice comes onto the phone)
LAWYER: Okay, we'll be using such and such a card... The last name is Boyle. First name Laura.**
ME: Is there a middle initial on the card?
LAWYER: F.
ME: F as in Frank?
LAWYER: (dramatic pause, minor sigh) F as in Flynn.
ME: ?!? (this is the first time I've heard the name pronounced other than mumblemumble. Laura Flynn Boyle. I think I know that name but I am so not into celebrity stuff I have no idea from where I know it, only that I do, vaguely.)
(we go through billing address, etc. Card number. Okay. I read back the info on date, time, show, seat location... And then the lawyer proves that his client really should pay him more.)
LAWYER: Second row? Is that really the best place to see that from?
ME: Honestly, I prefer to see it a little further back, but Ms. Boyle requested the closest seats, so...
LAWYER: Is there something better, maybe a little further back?
ME: (of course there is) I have sixth row available, on an aisle. Still close but not too close.
LAWYER: Let's get those instead.
ME: (good choice, thinks I) Let me just swap those out for you... Okay let me verify purchase of [show] for tonight at [time], total charge is [price], let me get you a confirmation number, is there anything else I can assist you with?
LAWYER: Nope, that's it.
ME: Thank you for calling, have a great time at your show!
LAWYER: (heavy sigh usually associated with the put-upon) Yeah. Thanks.
ME: (after call concludes, to my neighbor who reads gossip mags) Who the heck is Laura Flynn Boyle?
COWORKER: (shrugs)
ME: Clearly not as famous as she believes, then...
__________
*on reflection I think she was kind of ticked off I didn't recognize her name and/or start the celebufawning. Honestly, I couldn't understand her freaking name until later in the call, and even then... whatever
** have just been informed that Ms. Famous Actress is actually Lara Flynn Boyle. Not Laura. Yeah, famous. Whoops my bad XD