twilight merchandise! the 18+ catalog
just in time for Christmas! Come on you know someone who will want these under their tree. Literally. You'll see what I mean.
(Incidentally, I am getting a LOT of usage out of this icon, boy let me tell you...)
cut tagged for your protection, and caution: links are definitely NSFW! Or anywhere else, really. Hat tip to
jack_rowen for the first two. The others just seem to find me... I'm sure there's more, but you know, I'm just not that interested in finding them. They know where I live.
kids in the other room? Boss looking the other way? Great! Let's bring out the TWILIGHT THEMED ADULT TOYS!
Exhibit A: The Vamp
take careful note of the advertizing text. It can't tell you it's a Twilight dildo, but you can read between the lines. Or read the actual lines. Do they actually suggest putting it into the fridge for "that authentic experience"? AIEEEEE!!!
The current ad copy is different from the previous pre-order copy. See if you can see what they're trying to say (emphasis mine) then see what SMeyer's lawyers made them change it to the current ad copy:
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon’s glow. Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
The Vamp is a web only exclusive offering through TantusInc.com for $39.99. We are currently taking pre-orders for this one of a kind toy. We will be shipping them first come first serve starting 9/1/09. Don’t let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.
The new ad copy:
Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.
JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling out to you in the night. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.
Okay, that's just... okay, let's move on.
Exhibit B: Count Cockula!
for the male Twilight fans. Both of them. Yes, nothing says erotic like masturbating into a can. Except this one has FANGS! Oh that makes ALL the difference... :-/
and now we have Exhibit C, otherwise known as OMG the panties! which found me today, on the pages of Failblog. Yes, it delivered itself self-labeled. I think the autograph makes it just that much more special. There is no way, NO WAY I would put that face on my hoo-hah, even as a silkscreen. Just sayin.
You know, when I saw the Twilight Shower Curtains awhile back (come on you morons, $75 for a freaking shower curtain?) I seem to remember saying something like "what's next?" and now I deeply, deeply regret even thinking about how they could make this worse.
Although I suppose it's a good thing there's no pink baby jumpers out there with "don't bother, someone's already imprinted on me" on it. Oh snap I said it out loud didn't I? *sob* I can hear the Cafepress store opening even as we speak...
(Incidentally, I am getting a LOT of usage out of this icon, boy let me tell you...)
cut tagged for your protection, and caution: links are definitely NSFW! Or anywhere else, really. Hat tip to
jack_rowen for the first two. The others just seem to find me... I'm sure there's more, but you know, I'm just not that interested in finding them. They know where I live.
kids in the other room? Boss looking the other way? Great! Let's bring out the TWILIGHT THEMED ADULT TOYS!
Exhibit A: The Vamp
take careful note of the advertizing text. It can't tell you it's a Twilight dildo, but you can read between the lines. Or read the actual lines. Do they actually suggest putting it into the fridge for "that authentic experience"? AIEEEEE!!!
The current ad copy is different from the previous pre-order copy. See if you can see what they're trying to say (emphasis mine) then see what SMeyer's lawyers made them change it to the current ad copy:
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon’s glow. Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
The Vamp is a web only exclusive offering through TantusInc.com for $39.99. We are currently taking pre-orders for this one of a kind toy. We will be shipping them first come first serve starting 9/1/09. Don’t let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.
The new ad copy:
Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.
JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.
The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling out to you in the night. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.
Okay, that's just... okay, let's move on.
Exhibit B: Count Cockula!
for the male Twilight fans. Both of them. Yes, nothing says erotic like masturbating into a can. Except this one has FANGS! Oh that makes ALL the difference... :-/
and now we have Exhibit C, otherwise known as OMG the panties! which found me today, on the pages of Failblog. Yes, it delivered itself self-labeled. I think the autograph makes it just that much more special. There is no way, NO WAY I would put that face on my hoo-hah, even as a silkscreen. Just sayin.
You know, when I saw the Twilight Shower Curtains awhile back (come on you morons, $75 for a freaking shower curtain?) I seem to remember saying something like "what's next?" and now I deeply, deeply regret even thinking about how they could make this worse.
Although I suppose it's a good thing there's no pink baby jumpers out there with "don't bother, someone's already imprinted on me" on it. Oh snap I said it out loud didn't I? *sob* I can hear the Cafepress store opening even as we speak...