Elfquest movie, Y U No stop failing?
So someone showed me this the other day:
or if you prefer your fail with links, it's a live action EQ fan film with full blessings of the Pinis. Live action women. Posing. Appearing to be concerned about things. Do I see Lonelygirl15 there in the credits? What, wasn't Traci Lords available? (She would have made a pretty good Oddbit, akshully -- no wait what am I saying shut up get out of my head)
TL;DR, the comments you get when you find different media sites reporting about this (about 5 per article, average) run along the following lines:
women: "OMG SQUEE ELFQUEST I REMEMBER THAT!! <3<3<3"
men: "This is porn, right? I'm pretty sure I know what porn looks like... they're gonna make out now, right? Right??"
Women, I am disappoint.
Also, the comments from the creators of the video alternate from "yeah but true EQ fans will understand what we're doing here" and "hey EQ fans you're too picky, knock it off you elf nazis" and "The Pinis let us do it so NYAAAH we're now super speshul uberfans and u r jelus!" It is terrible and beautiful at the same time. Also, goes well with popcorn.
Old me is old: I remember back in the day (late 70's, when dinosaurs and polyester ruled the world) how the Pinis FLIPPED when during the first round of "hey let's make a movie" Nelvana Studios mentioned the possibility of doing the movie live action after their film "Rock and Rule" (which BTW is fucking awesome, so, yeah) did not do well at the box office at all. Mostly because there was almost no distribution for it. Whatever, anyway the Pinis ripped Nelvana a new one through the editorial page of their comic the media, burned the studio to the ground and then pissed on the ashes, and of course, no one ever heard from that little Canadian animation studio again... Oh, wait:
And let's not forget the 80's failed Saturday morning TV series (scripted by some guy named J Michael Straczynski, dude probably never worked again in Hollywood... oh wait) and the execrable "video storybook" produced by Abby Lou productions that they vilified and excoriated after the guy's wife died and the project fell through and... well yeah they killed that company. So, one for three so far...
Let's face it, the Pinis and media do not work well together. Every time someone tries to do something with it they either disapprove/hulk smash it (if it is good, or has the potential to be better than the original) or embrace (if it's just not good, or not good enough, or in some cases plain awful, thereby making the original seem much better in comparison). They have burned through all the possible good will the project could generate. This is what they're left with, strategically. The only way to generate buzz is to generate NEW buzz, because the old fandom has given up, moved on, got tired of their shenanigans, or just left it behind.
This fan film, seriously, would not be on my list of ways to get Warner Bros to get off their asses and use those film rights they're still holding onto. Remember that guy who did the CG fan film version, showing the scene in the troll tunnels, that the Pinis crushed like a bug and then blamed "we have to protect our copyright" even though the dude came to them for approval? Well I do. That guy had talent, and they killed that project... for what, for THIS? This is the crap they greenlight?
ETA: I found it, it's back up. I forgive the temporary voice overs, even as a preliminary work, this sequence rocks over that live action aberration:
And those costumes. Jesus fish, the costumes... all I can say is, Aroree in a danskin. Gah. Oddly enough nowhere in the credits does it say "thanks Moms for making our costumes."
Also, filmmakers? If you want to insinuate that the wolves and the elves might be the same size so that one might ride on the other, don't film your nice little doggie tromping through the center divider greenery on PCH from the same height a human would see it. (ETA not the vomitcam tracking through the woods, the establishing dog-wolf shot. In case that wasn't clear.) /filmmaking101
Bonus Racefail in the Youtube comments with the observation of how they depicted Leetah: because "it's fantasy so she's not black, just tanned" and "there's no Africa in the world of 2 moons." Yeah, because that argument went over SO well with the "Last Airbender" movie... my eyes rolled so far back into my head that my skull makes this sound like maracas.
Yeah, I could go on about this all day, but you know what? I got a friend whose fiance just called it off because he's addicted to a fucking children's card game, and I just don't have time to screw around with this here-we-go-again unfunny fail. So I'll just post this, a screenshot of the current Alexa traffic rankings for the Elfquest website. After a tiny bump in the rankings after this thing came out in April (about 3 months ago), the site no longer tracks them.
I think I know now why Warner is not chomping at the bit to make this film, despite the current Fantasy Hollywood Renaissance where hell they even filmed Eragon fer crissake. The reason is that the Pinis are their own worst enemy. Worse for themselves than Ann Rice. They are Streisand Effect-ing themselves out of the movie biz (and the comic biz while they're at it), unaware or just plain ignoring the fact that the dictum "there's no such thing as bad publicity" is, well, WRONG.
The studio can make the film, but once the creators get big time media exposure, there's no way Warner can save the film for regular distribution. Authors often disassociate themselves with filmed works (and after Warner already dealt with Alan Moore refusing his name to be associated with his two biggest creations, Watchmen and V For Vendetta) but how the hell can Warner back away from the authors whose works they optioned to film? Is there such a thing as a reverse Alan Smithee?
See also: reasons why a Cerebus movie will never be produced in Dave Sim's lifetime. The moment the author opens his mouth, the studio associated with his project sees a big GAME OVER.
Just sayin.
Click to viewor if you prefer your fail with links, it's a live action EQ fan film with full blessings of the Pinis. Live action women. Posing. Appearing to be concerned about things. Do I see Lonelygirl15 there in the credits? What, wasn't Traci Lords available? (She would have made a pretty good Oddbit, akshully -- no wait what am I saying shut up get out of my head)
TL;DR, the comments you get when you find different media sites reporting about this (about 5 per article, average) run along the following lines:
women: "OMG SQUEE ELFQUEST I REMEMBER THAT!! <3<3<3"
men: "This is porn, right? I'm pretty sure I know what porn looks like... they're gonna make out now, right? Right??"
Women, I am disappoint.
Also, the comments from the creators of the video alternate from "yeah but true EQ fans will understand what we're doing here" and "hey EQ fans you're too picky, knock it off you elf nazis" and "The Pinis let us do it so NYAAAH we're now super speshul uberfans and u r jelus!" It is terrible and beautiful at the same time. Also, goes well with popcorn.
Old me is old: I remember back in the day (late 70's, when dinosaurs and polyester ruled the world) how the Pinis FLIPPED when during the first round of "hey let's make a movie" Nelvana Studios mentioned the possibility of doing the movie live action after their film "Rock and Rule" (which BTW is fucking awesome, so, yeah) did not do well at the box office at all. Mostly because there was almost no distribution for it. Whatever, anyway the Pinis ripped Nelvana a new one through the editorial page of their comic the media, burned the studio to the ground and then pissed on the ashes, and of course, no one ever heard from that little Canadian animation studio again... Oh, wait:
And let's not forget the 80's failed Saturday morning TV series (scripted by some guy named J Michael Straczynski, dude probably never worked again in Hollywood... oh wait) and the execrable "video storybook" produced by Abby Lou productions that they vilified and excoriated after the guy's wife died and the project fell through and... well yeah they killed that company. So, one for three so far...
Let's face it, the Pinis and media do not work well together. Every time someone tries to do something with it they either disapprove/hulk smash it (if it is good, or has the potential to be better than the original) or embrace (if it's just not good, or not good enough, or in some cases plain awful, thereby making the original seem much better in comparison). They have burned through all the possible good will the project could generate. This is what they're left with, strategically. The only way to generate buzz is to generate NEW buzz, because the old fandom has given up, moved on, got tired of their shenanigans, or just left it behind.
This fan film, seriously, would not be on my list of ways to get Warner Bros to get off their asses and use those film rights they're still holding onto. Remember that guy who did the CG fan film version, showing the scene in the troll tunnels, that the Pinis crushed like a bug and then blamed "we have to protect our copyright" even though the dude came to them for approval? Well I do. That guy had talent, and they killed that project... for what, for THIS? This is the crap they greenlight?
ETA: I found it, it's back up. I forgive the temporary voice overs, even as a preliminary work, this sequence rocks over that live action aberration:
And those costumes. Jesus fish, the costumes... all I can say is, Aroree in a danskin. Gah. Oddly enough nowhere in the credits does it say "thanks Moms for making our costumes."
Also, filmmakers? If you want to insinuate that the wolves and the elves might be the same size so that one might ride on the other, don't film your nice little doggie tromping through the center divider greenery on PCH from the same height a human would see it. (ETA not the vomitcam tracking through the woods, the establishing dog-wolf shot. In case that wasn't clear.) /filmmaking101
Bonus Racefail in the Youtube comments with the observation of how they depicted Leetah: because "it's fantasy so she's not black, just tanned" and "there's no Africa in the world of 2 moons." Yeah, because that argument went over SO well with the "Last Airbender" movie... my eyes rolled so far back into my head that my skull makes this sound like maracas.
Yeah, I could go on about this all day, but you know what? I got a friend whose fiance just called it off because he's addicted to a fucking children's card game, and I just don't have time to screw around with this here-we-go-again unfunny fail. So I'll just post this, a screenshot of the current Alexa traffic rankings for the Elfquest website. After a tiny bump in the rankings after this thing came out in April (about 3 months ago), the site no longer tracks them.
I think I know now why Warner is not chomping at the bit to make this film, despite the current Fantasy Hollywood Renaissance where hell they even filmed Eragon fer crissake. The reason is that the Pinis are their own worst enemy. Worse for themselves than Ann Rice. They are Streisand Effect-ing themselves out of the movie biz (and the comic biz while they're at it), unaware or just plain ignoring the fact that the dictum "there's no such thing as bad publicity" is, well, WRONG.
The studio can make the film, but once the creators get big time media exposure, there's no way Warner can save the film for regular distribution. Authors often disassociate themselves with filmed works (and after Warner already dealt with Alan Moore refusing his name to be associated with his two biggest creations, Watchmen and V For Vendetta) but how the hell can Warner back away from the authors whose works they optioned to film? Is there such a thing as a reverse Alan Smithee?
See also: reasons why a Cerebus movie will never be produced in Dave Sim's lifetime. The moment the author opens his mouth, the studio associated with his project sees a big GAME OVER.
Just sayin.