the retreat
so i went to this retreat kind of thing from church. i actually didn't want to go. i didn't want to do anything. but i knew that i had to. so, i went upset and all.
for the first couple of hours i was still upset, but as the event progressed i started feeling better. i learned a lot. one of the main things that i learned was that God doesn't PUNISH. in reality, we are the ones that do these things to ourselves. it's not like God is saying "come to me or I will kill you." it's more like "come to me so that I may protect you and give you life otherwise, Satan is going to come and steal and destroy you." our actions have consequences. and we have that choice. there's so much crap that we do and when the consequence comes, we ask God "why? why me?" as if we were the holiest of holy. but now i know and i hope i don't forget. i think that we don't want to admit to ourselves how wrong and broken and dirty we really are.
another thing that i learned was that God wants us to be wise in all things good, but innocent with all things that have to do with evil. this was a huge revelation to me because i didn't understand. there's so many things that i haven't done and i was just like "well, why not? at least let me know how it feels. what it's like" But God doesn't want that. He wants us pure and spotless. now i get why we have to be vigilant of the things we see,hear,speak, touch and where we go. these things usually seem harmless. what's the big deal, right? but the big deal is that satan uses them as doors to come and break us and we don't even notice.
i also had doubts about Jesus. there's so much stuff that i've heard and all this doubt comes in. there were even people that influenced me into doubting. but not anymore. i don't think that i've been brainwashed. i mean, maybe i was lol. but, this is real. it makes sense and there is proof. There are all these other Gods out there, but i'm making the decision to serve Jesus. His way makes sense.
i also know that there are alot of frauds out there. where they only care about money. i am aware of this. but being in this church has been great. i didn't like it at first. but the pastors know me by name and they genuinely care about us. The pastor in particular, he's awesome. He says that he really likes me.
he said, "Norma, de verdad te quiero mucho" and then he gave me a hug and i just nodded and smiled..said something like "thank you" and that was like, on saturday. then today at church, he was like " de verdad, porque a de ser que quiero mucho a esta nina?" and i just smiled and shrugged lol. then he asked me for a hug lol. i mean, if they're faking it, then they must be REALLY REALLY REALLY good. they seriously show an interest for the people attending church. even other members are really attentive. i don't like them as much as the pastors, i'll be honest about that. but they still genuinely care and they have helped us a lot. so i don't know. i get that people seem really preachy and pushy, but it's to help us.
and also, i got my will to live back.
most of the people that went, had God clean them of past hurts and sins. i had my share of sins and all. but what i needed was to learn more about God. I had already had a spiritual encounter with God before. i felt the burning in my whole being, but i just didn't know what to do next. and now i know how Satan attacks. i still don't know what God wants out of my life. and i am a bit scared to go out and talk to people about God. i mean, i hardly talk at all and despite popular belief, i'm not really confrontational. i need to learn how to defend God against all these other things. but one of the things that i felt that God was telling me to do, was to get baptized. i kept putting off. i wasn't sure. i kept thinking "what if?" but, i've been feeling it now. so, i am willing to put my faith in God and delve into the things of God some more. if all things go well,i will be baptized on saturday. i'm still a little scared because i dont' know what God is going to do with me. But i'm willing to let Him.
:)
for the first couple of hours i was still upset, but as the event progressed i started feeling better. i learned a lot. one of the main things that i learned was that God doesn't PUNISH. in reality, we are the ones that do these things to ourselves. it's not like God is saying "come to me or I will kill you." it's more like "come to me so that I may protect you and give you life otherwise, Satan is going to come and steal and destroy you." our actions have consequences. and we have that choice. there's so much crap that we do and when the consequence comes, we ask God "why? why me?" as if we were the holiest of holy. but now i know and i hope i don't forget. i think that we don't want to admit to ourselves how wrong and broken and dirty we really are.
another thing that i learned was that God wants us to be wise in all things good, but innocent with all things that have to do with evil. this was a huge revelation to me because i didn't understand. there's so many things that i haven't done and i was just like "well, why not? at least let me know how it feels. what it's like" But God doesn't want that. He wants us pure and spotless. now i get why we have to be vigilant of the things we see,hear,speak, touch and where we go. these things usually seem harmless. what's the big deal, right? but the big deal is that satan uses them as doors to come and break us and we don't even notice.
i also had doubts about Jesus. there's so much stuff that i've heard and all this doubt comes in. there were even people that influenced me into doubting. but not anymore. i don't think that i've been brainwashed. i mean, maybe i was lol. but, this is real. it makes sense and there is proof. There are all these other Gods out there, but i'm making the decision to serve Jesus. His way makes sense.
i also know that there are alot of frauds out there. where they only care about money. i am aware of this. but being in this church has been great. i didn't like it at first. but the pastors know me by name and they genuinely care about us. The pastor in particular, he's awesome. He says that he really likes me.
he said, "Norma, de verdad te quiero mucho" and then he gave me a hug and i just nodded and smiled..said something like "thank you" and that was like, on saturday. then today at church, he was like " de verdad, porque a de ser que quiero mucho a esta nina?" and i just smiled and shrugged lol. then he asked me for a hug lol. i mean, if they're faking it, then they must be REALLY REALLY REALLY good. they seriously show an interest for the people attending church. even other members are really attentive. i don't like them as much as the pastors, i'll be honest about that. but they still genuinely care and they have helped us a lot. so i don't know. i get that people seem really preachy and pushy, but it's to help us.
and also, i got my will to live back.
most of the people that went, had God clean them of past hurts and sins. i had my share of sins and all. but what i needed was to learn more about God. I had already had a spiritual encounter with God before. i felt the burning in my whole being, but i just didn't know what to do next. and now i know how Satan attacks. i still don't know what God wants out of my life. and i am a bit scared to go out and talk to people about God. i mean, i hardly talk at all and despite popular belief, i'm not really confrontational. i need to learn how to defend God against all these other things. but one of the things that i felt that God was telling me to do, was to get baptized. i kept putting off. i wasn't sure. i kept thinking "what if?" but, i've been feeling it now. so, i am willing to put my faith in God and delve into the things of God some more. if all things go well,i will be baptized on saturday. i'm still a little scared because i dont' know what God is going to do with me. But i'm willing to let Him.
:)