(no subject)
A week or so ago my cousin Carla was killed as she was crossing the street. From the best I can gather she stepped from a blind spot between two cars and was hit by a truck. I haven't written about it because I haven't put the time to consider what it really means to me. I was there at the hospital the night she passed, I saw her boys... the babies I used to watch when she was the girl I knew.. before drugs, before her 1st husband broke her mind.
For a lot of years she has been around and I would see her rarely but it was so sad because like her sister there was a part of them that remembered me, but not enough of them left for me to know the girl that was my cousin, my sister.. the girl I grew up with.
I went to her viewing tonight, I saw family and friends that I hadn't seen in more than 20 years. One of her boys told me the last he remembers of me was when I played "Santa" when he was a little boy and that it was years before he realized who it was in that suit. Funny that it was just a couple of weeks ago that my mom sent me those pictures. It breaks my heart to know she's gone and there's no hope now that she can get help and maybe reclaim some of my girl.
I met the boyfriend she has had for the last little while of her life, apparently he had checked into a rehab in hopes to clean up and make a better life for them. He had been writing her and that is how they found him a few days after she had passed. He was so devastated. Once I figured out who he was I reached out to him and told him how much I appreciated him and that he was so good to her while they were together. I didn't know what else to say.
I really didnt like how she looked in the casket, what made me sad was her mouth. no matter what she always seemed to me smiling or at least the mischievous smirk that I remember from her as we grew up and she was always sneaking around getting dirt being our little detective. I loved the flowers they were wonderful and the very best part was a wonderful picture of her in what I remember as her "best days", the days when she was a "mom" and a wonderful "home maker". I always remembered her having the clean house, the kids were clean and she was always making sure you had a drink in your hand or something to eat and it seamed to me she was glowing with pride as they bought their first house and she made it a home. I believe when you go, you live in your best moment forever. So that is how I see her tonight, that sparkle in her eyes, that happy smile and a goofy little giggle that you couldn't help but laugh with. I so miss her.
I was driving home and for once to the kids delight I turned off the sports talk radio that I always listen to and turned on my CD's and Stevie Ray Vaughn was on and one of his songs came on and it forced me to take some time and put everything into perspective. I still haven't done that, not completely because there is so much more to say and I really don't have the words but I've let some of it out. I did look up the lyrics to that song and copied them below.
Life Without You
by Stevie Ray Vaughan
recording of 1985
from Soul To Soul (Epic EK-40036), copyright notice
Oh oh now baby, tell me how have you been
We all have missed you, and the way you grin
The day is necessary, every now and then
For souls to move on, givin' life back again, and again
Fly on fly on, fly on my friend
Go on, live again love again
Day after day, night after night
Sittin' here singin' every minute,
as the years go passing by, by, by, by
Long look in the mirror, we've come face to face
Wishin' all the love we took for granted,
love we have today
Life without you, all the love you passed my way
The angels have waited for so long, now they have their way
Take your place
For a lot of years she has been around and I would see her rarely but it was so sad because like her sister there was a part of them that remembered me, but not enough of them left for me to know the girl that was my cousin, my sister.. the girl I grew up with.
I went to her viewing tonight, I saw family and friends that I hadn't seen in more than 20 years. One of her boys told me the last he remembers of me was when I played "Santa" when he was a little boy and that it was years before he realized who it was in that suit. Funny that it was just a couple of weeks ago that my mom sent me those pictures. It breaks my heart to know she's gone and there's no hope now that she can get help and maybe reclaim some of my girl.
I met the boyfriend she has had for the last little while of her life, apparently he had checked into a rehab in hopes to clean up and make a better life for them. He had been writing her and that is how they found him a few days after she had passed. He was so devastated. Once I figured out who he was I reached out to him and told him how much I appreciated him and that he was so good to her while they were together. I didn't know what else to say.
I really didnt like how she looked in the casket, what made me sad was her mouth. no matter what she always seemed to me smiling or at least the mischievous smirk that I remember from her as we grew up and she was always sneaking around getting dirt being our little detective. I loved the flowers they were wonderful and the very best part was a wonderful picture of her in what I remember as her "best days", the days when she was a "mom" and a wonderful "home maker". I always remembered her having the clean house, the kids were clean and she was always making sure you had a drink in your hand or something to eat and it seamed to me she was glowing with pride as they bought their first house and she made it a home. I believe when you go, you live in your best moment forever. So that is how I see her tonight, that sparkle in her eyes, that happy smile and a goofy little giggle that you couldn't help but laugh with. I so miss her.
I was driving home and for once to the kids delight I turned off the sports talk radio that I always listen to and turned on my CD's and Stevie Ray Vaughn was on and one of his songs came on and it forced me to take some time and put everything into perspective. I still haven't done that, not completely because there is so much more to say and I really don't have the words but I've let some of it out. I did look up the lyrics to that song and copied them below.
Life Without You
by Stevie Ray Vaughan
recording of 1985
from Soul To Soul (Epic EK-40036), copyright notice
Oh oh now baby, tell me how have you been
We all have missed you, and the way you grin
The day is necessary, every now and then
For souls to move on, givin' life back again, and again
Fly on fly on, fly on my friend
Go on, live again love again
Day after day, night after night
Sittin' here singin' every minute,
as the years go passing by, by, by, by
Long look in the mirror, we've come face to face
Wishin' all the love we took for granted,
love we have today
Life without you, all the love you passed my way
The angels have waited for so long, now they have their way
Take your place