Remind Me (part 1, chapter 9)
Chapter 9 - They Don't See
Yoochun has been annoying Jaejoong all morning. From the moment Jaejoong woke up. All throughout Jaejoong getting ready. Even now as they shut their dorm room door behind them and head to breakfast, Yoochun is still annoying him.
"Seriously, you and the Yunho in your world aren't like that?"
"What does that mean, like that?"
"You know," Yoochun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and makes kissy-faces and smooching noises. "Like. That."
Jaejoong hits him. "No, of course not!"
Yoochun rubs at his now sore triceps and appears to be absolutely dumfounded. “Seriously? Why not?”
"Because we're not gay!" Jaejoong shouts, catches himself, looks around nervously and breathes a sigh of relief when he's met with only an empty hallway and Yoochun’s disbelieving stare. Thank goodness it's Sunday and most of LSM’s student population won't be getting up until noon. "We're not gay!" He hisses in an undertone at Yoochun again, because the younger boy just does not seem to be getting that point.
"So, yesterday when we were all hanging out, the way you and Yunho-hyung behaved with each other, are you usually like that with the Yunho in your world too?"
Yesterday…
Jaejoong thinks back and smiles at the memory of lunch together with Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin, and Seunghyun. He thinks he may have fed Yunho…a lot, even though Yunho already had his own food. Still, though, Yunho was an athlete and Jaejoong wasn’t going to eat his fruit salad anyway.
What else?
Oh, the epic ping pong battle that had taken place in the dorm's common room afterward. In which the Junsu of this world proved to be just as equally gifted as the Junsu in Jaejoong’s world. And the Yunho of this world proved to be just as sulky a loser as the Yunho in Jaejonog's world. So, of course, Jaejoong had to hug him and make him feel better.
The dinner that had followed had been great, if a little subdued because of Seunghyun’s departure (who had gone to have dinner with Hyunjoong in the latter’s dorm room). But Seunghyun had met the five of them later, once again in the common room, where they'd all taken over the large couch in front of the television to watch movies, but mostly just to talk for the rest of the night. Jaejoong remembers falling asleep sometime around midnight. He can vaguely recollect Yunho carrying him back to his dorm room and Yoochun stumbling tiredly beside them.
But there's nothing Jaejoong can recall about those events and his interactions with Yunho during them that he feels was unusual. Jaejoong shrugs and answers honestly. "Yeah, usually."
"And neither of you are gay in your world?"
"I've told you, like, a million times already, no!"
"You do remember that you fell asleep on Yunho-hyung, right?" Yoochun presses.
"Seunghyun fell asleep on Changmin." Jaejoong adds.
"Yeah, on his shoulder." Yoochun stresses the last word. "You fell asleep in Yunho-hyung's lap. His lap, Jaejoong-hyung! And he let you."
Jaejoong tilts his head to the side in puzzlement. "I don't see your point."
Yoochun shakes his head, utterly incredulous. "What's that river again, the one that runs through Egypt?"
"The Nile." Jaejoong responds automatically.
"Exactly."
Jaejoong blinks, oblivious. "I don't get it."
Yoochun sighs. "Okay, I know the Jaejoong-shi that belongs here is a complete dick and all, but at least he's not completely ignorant."
"What's that -”
"It doesn't matter." Yoochun cuts him off quickly. "Last question."
Jaejoong huffs out a breath. "Fine."
"Is the Junsu in your world and the Me in your world like that?"
For a second Jaejoong thinks that Yoochun’s just messing with him, but then he actually takes a good look into Yoochun’s eyes and realizes that the other boy is dead serious. "No…you're not." Jaejoong says and feels inexplicably burdened all of a sudden.
"Why aren't we?" Yoochun wants to know.
"Well, neither of you are gay." Jaejoong cries in exasperation. "I'm not gay. You're not gay. Yunho’s not gay. Junsu's not gay. And Changmin is definitely not gay. For the last time, already, none of us are gay in my world, okay?"
"How do you know? That the Me in your world isn't gay? How do you know that?"
Jaejoong wonders why Yoochun is being so persistent about all of this. "Yoochun-ah, the You in my world is a playboy. He's had more girlfriends than the rest of TVXQ combined?"
"How do you know it's not just a cover?" Yoochun questions solemnly. "Because he's actually in love with Junsu."
Jaejoong stares. "Yoochunnie, are you in love with Junsu?"
"It's stupid, right?" Yoochun swallows and looks at Jaejoong with pleading eyes. "I've only really known him for a few days, but I...for the rest of my life, Jaejoong-hyung, I don't think I'll ever feel about anybody the way I feel about Junsu. I don't know if that's love, but I know that I want him with me. Forever, if that's possible."
At Yoochun’s confession Yunho’s face floats through Jaejoong’s mind for reasons he isn't comfortable dealing with at the present time. They've reached the swinging doors leading into the dining hall and Jaejoong pushes through. It's very hard to look at Yoochun right now, because all Jaejoong seems to see is himself. He's almost to the food line when a hand catches at his elbow, forcing Jaejoong to turn back.
"What is he?" Yoochun’s eyes are focused on something off to Jaejoong’s left. Jaejoong shifts his gaze in that direction and finds Junsu, Changmin, and Seunghyun already seated at their usual table. Junsu laughs and a small smile tugs at the corner of Yoochun’s lip. "In your world, what is Junsu to me?"
How to explain that? Jaejoong wonders. He thinks about when his Yoochun first came to them, a new group member strait from America. Jaejoong remembers Yoochun’s playful charm, but he also remembers the way Yoochun had seemed so fragile underneath his big smiles and silly antics. The dark moods that seemed to hit the baritone at sporadic moments. And Jaejoong remembers the way Junsu would intrude into Yoochun’s personal space in careless innocence, making the other boy light up despite himself.
"He - he's your illumination." Jaejoong says like revelation, mostly because it is.
Yoochun smiles as if he knew it all along. "Yeah." He leads Jaejoong into the food line, where the slow pace and mundane task of placing food to tray, helps the both of them shake off the overwhelming realization that they both might care a little bit more than they should about people they really shouldn’t.
"Why am I up this early?" Seunghyun complains, once Jaejoong and Yoochun get to the table. He sounds strikingly like Changmin.
"Because Sundays are the only time the school serves waffles."
"Minnie, you know me so well. You're, like, the missing part of my soul.” Seunghyun says, staring at Changmin with hearts practically jumping out of his eyes.
Changmin doesn't pause in his eating to respond, "I'm still not giving you my bacon."
Junsu laughs and Yoochun sits down next to him, pretending like he isn’t affected by the way Junsu smiles. "Where's Yunho-hyung?" Yoochun asks, cutting into his waffles, unable to say anything more when Junsu takes the bite right off of his fork.
"You have your own plate, Junsu-hyung." Changmin points out.
"I finished my food already." Junsu grins then steals another bite of Yoochun’s food. "But I don't know what's taking Yunho-hyung so long. I hope he gets here soon.”
Jaejoong feels his stomach drop out uneasily, because he kind of hopes Yunho doesn’t, and he kind of knows why, but he really doesn’t want to admit it. He can still hear Yoochun’s declaration in his head and all that “I love Junsu” nonsense is really beginning to screw with him. Jaejoong latches onto to the first distracting thought he can find, or rather not find, and runs with it in sheer desperation.
"Seunghyun-ah, is Hyunjoongie not coming?"
"He, um," Seunghyun coughs uncomfortably. "No, he’s not.”
“Oh,” Jaejoong forks a bite of waffle into his mouth and chews absently. “Is it because of me? Maybe I should go find him. Talk to him. Try and clear things up between the two of us. Do you think he’s had enough time to calm down? It’s been a whole day. Maybe, right? I’m sure he has. Yeah, he has. You’re right. I - I’ll go talk to him. Yeah, I’ll go do that right now!”
The other four blink up at Jaejoong in bewilderment as he pushes away from the table in excessive determination. He’s crazy. They all know it. Worse, he’s a horrible friend, because his wanting to talk to Hyunjoong has less to do with actually wanting to mend their relationship and more because he’s trying to avoid Yunho.
"Wish me luck.” Jaejoong says and, yup, he is the worst friend ever.
"Um, okay. Good luck." Seunghyun gives him a supportive thumbs up.
Junsu raises a fist in the air, "Fighting!"
"Don't forget, we're all meeting in the music room later." Yoochun reminds.
"Got it." Jaejoong nods and smiles shakily before heading off. Three seconds later, though, he turns back, blushing sheepishly. "Um, Seunghyun-ah, what dorm is Hyunjoongie in again?"
Seunghyun raises one eyebrow. "Are you sure you don't have -”
"Fine, fine!" Jaejoong throws his hands up in defeat. "I have brain damage! Now, just tell me the room number."
"255."
"Right! Here I go!"
Changmin watches Jaejoong march away then reaches across the table to pluck the uneaten bacon off of Jaejoong’s plate before Seunghyun can.
~~~
Hyunjoong’s dorm room is just off the main stairwell, a sharp turn left, and the third door on the right. It's slightly ajar when Jaejoong gets there, but he thinks better of just barging in, all things considered. He's about to knock when he hears Yunho’s voice through the small opening.
"I'm really not the person you should be asking about this."
Jaejoong panics for one stupid second, dropping down to his knees and cringing like he’s been caught doing something wrong, when he’s actually just standing outside of an open doorway, accidentally listening in on a private conversation.
He hears a derisive snort, then Hyunjoong’s mocking voice retorting, "I know that, but the person I should be asking is even more confused than I am."
Realization hits Jaejoong like a kick of brains to the head and he chuckles to himself, before quickly slapping a hand over his mouth. Since the discussion between Yunho and Hyunjoong is already underway, Jaejoong decides that it would be rude of him to interrupt now. He’ll just wait his turn quietly. He’s only pressing his ear to the door so that he’ll know when exactly that turn is. Really.
"Then the only advice I can offer you," Yunho is saying, "is to give Jaejoong the time and space he needs to figure it out."
Jaejoong nods at the simple wisdom in that statement.
"Easy for you to say. Every time I give him time and space, he always ends up in exactly the same place: with you."
Jaejoong blushes because he can’t actually refute Hyunjoong’s claim.
"I'm not trying to steal your best friend, Hyunjoong-shi."
Of course not, Jaejoong affirms to himself, Yunho’s not that kind of person.
"And yet, here we are."
Jaejoong frowns, because apparently, Hyunjoong doesn’t agree with him. There’s a sigh and a long pause, and Jaejoong is slowly edging closer when Yunho finally speaks again.
"You should really talk to Jaejoong."
The right side of Yunho’s body suddenly fills up the crack Jaejoong had been trying to peak through, and the older boy scrambles back in alarm, falling onto his butt. As he rubs consolingly at his injured posterior, he hears Hyunjoong sneering.
"I don't get. What the hell is so wonderful about you that you have practically this whole school on their knees, begging for just a scrap of your attention?"
Yunho sighs again. "Hyunjoong-shi, you're intelligent, good-looking, and you have the monetary freedom to pursue any ambition you want. And, from my own observations, you have two very good friends who care for you a great deal. I'm sure that once you stop trying to find fault with all the things you don't have, and start appreciating more all the things that you do have, others will begin to appreciate you more, too."
The door swings in by a frightening centimeter and Jaejoong hastily scrambles to his feet, searching the hallway wildly for a place to hide as Yunho's voice continues.
"Talk to Jaejoong or don't, but figure out your own head first, before you try to figure out his."
Jaejoong dashes off towards the staircase, rounding the corner and plastering himself against the wall. He hears the sound of a door swinging shut down the hall and counts to ten, trying to slow down his heartbeat and his breathing. Then it hits him. He hasn’t heard any footsteps, not a single one. Jaejoong strains his ears but, no, he still can’t hear anything. Edging his head cautiously around the corner Jaejoong comes face to face with a grinning Yunho and promptly screams like a girl. Yunho’s arms catch him just as he’s about to trip down two flights of stairs to his graceless death.
“Easy.” Yunho soothes, as he hauls Jaejoong against a firm chest and wraps the smaller boy firmly in his arms. And Jaejoong doesn’t remember why he was trying to avoid Yunho in the first place, when just being with the other boy now feels like the most right thing in the world. “Jaejoongie,” Yunho asks, “what are you doing here?”
“I wasn’t eavesdropping!” Jaejoong blurts, then winces, feeling like an idiot.
Yunho grins. “And clearly you’re not lying either.”
“Well - well, maybe I was eavesdropping.” Jaejoong stutters. “But not on purpose…at least, not in the beginning…I wanted to talk to Hyunjoongie…but then I heard you in the room, so I couldn’t…”
Yunho raises both eyebrows as Jaejoong stumbles his way through an explanation. Finally the taller boy laughs and slaps a hand over Jaejoong’s mouth. “Okay, okay. You can talk to Hyunjoong later. He probably needs some time right now. Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?” Jaejoong asks, as Yunho takes his hand and pulls him up the stairs.
“The music room, remember? Yoochunnie wanted us all to meet up there after breakfast.”
“Oh…right.” Jaejonog stares down at their linked hands, unable to look away, which is stupid because they've held hands a hundred times before. Or, at least, Jaejoong has held hands with his Yunho, the one he's never kissed. Even though he's never kissed this Yunho either, the Jaejoong-shi of this world did; and Jaejoong finds new meaning in the way their palms touch and the way their fingers interlace...and it's a little disturbing.
“Breakfast.” Yunho’s stomach rumbles over the missed meal, breaking Jaejoong away from his musings. “Damn Hyunjoong! I’m starving!”
Yunho's claim makes Jaejoong giggle all the way to the music room and he doesn't let go of Yunho's hand even once.
10 | Afterward | 11 |