Together In Electric (Re)Dreams
2011 was going to be a brand new year for me, a year of fresh beginnings. It really was. I was going to get my life together and get out more and actually start participating in society. And part of that was, instead of downloading movies and watching them with friends at someone's house eating tacos - I would be going out and watching BIG SCREEN 3D MOVIES WITH FRIENDS IN CINEMAS.
You know, down here in Australia, most movie ads/trailers end with the catchphrase "Only At The Movies!" which seems to be some guerilla "Internet Torrents Don't Exist" promotion. Well, whatever. My friends wanted to watch a movie with me at the cinemas in 3D and given only a few weeks ago we watched (original) Tron that means.. yes..
I paid $22 to watch a Tron reboot.
How was it? Well, uh. It was PRETTY. I'm sure Kanye West loved it. And it inexplicably had references to the Matrix, David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Bladerunner and Terminator 2 [Eddie Furlong's first on-screen appearance: motorbike savvy, home-engineered hacker who's got 1 dead parent and another who knows the secrets of the future but needs to fight against the same technology to save it, whatever] but you know what? If I wanted any of those things, I'd... go and do those things. Did TRON really need any of those things? Did Indiana Jones 4 need aliens? Did a Gulliver's Travels adaptation need a wrestling scene with a gigantic robot? Did any segment of society need a CGI Yogi Bear movie with *voice-changed* Dan Akroyd and Justin Timberlake sounding nothing like themselves, hence removing the needs to cast themselves in the first place? Did we need another M. Night Chama... whoever concept film, even if it gratuitously steals a Agatha Christie plot-device that was over forty years old? (No, I'm not going to attempt to spell his name, either).
And before anyone says I picked the wrong 3D movie reboot movie to start anew on, the previous film I saw in 3D was Alice in Wonderland. All they need to do is make 3D re-imagined version of Top Cat and my childhood's destruction will be complete.
I honestly can't understand it. There must be focus groups out there that clamoured for additional Meet the Fockers and Narnia movies, but unless they were all millionaires with Alzheimers [guaranteeing they'd pay to see the movie several thousand times each], Hollywood is inexplicably busy making remakes of remakes.
I honestly don't want anything to do with this now. I liked 1974's The Taking of Pelham 123. It wasn't an exceptional film, but it was unique. Until people decided to remake it set in modern day with John Travolta. For no discernible reason, apart from preventing 2000ites from having to view 70's fashion and actors who haven't been on Oprah. Apparently now they're remaking Akira as a live-action film with Leonardo DiCaprio in it. I hope it goes as well as the new Speed Racer did. But, honestly, I don't care. I'm really giving up.
And I know I'm sounding not just overly cynical but also totally batshit insane saying all this, but I've reached a point where I can't understand a lot of what's happening in the world and I think that's a normal response. The must be how the Joker started. Someone told me Josh Rogen was appearing in the Green Hornet and all I could say was "I saw 24 minutes of Pineapple Express on cable one night, that fucker owes me a favour". And then they told me it was "Seth Rogen" and I didn't bother remembering the correct name. But Josh (or Seth) Rogen, if you're Googling your name, pay attention: you owe me. And I want my money, deadbeat. I. WANT. MY. MONEY.
...
Anyway, I've (illegally) downloaded a bunch of original Mission Impossibles and MacGyvers and I'm locking myself in a bunker with canned food and some old Mad Magazines. By the time you read this my time capsule will be hermetically sealed until a time that the phrase 'hermetically sealed' no longer exists.
Enjoy Kung Fu Panda 2, fuckers. And 3. Scott Rogen, you can slide the money under the door.
You know, down here in Australia, most movie ads/trailers end with the catchphrase "Only At The Movies!" which seems to be some guerilla "Internet Torrents Don't Exist" promotion. Well, whatever. My friends wanted to watch a movie with me at the cinemas in 3D and given only a few weeks ago we watched (original) Tron that means.. yes..
I paid $22 to watch a Tron reboot.
How was it? Well, uh. It was PRETTY. I'm sure Kanye West loved it. And it inexplicably had references to the Matrix, David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Bladerunner and Terminator 2 [Eddie Furlong's first on-screen appearance: motorbike savvy, home-engineered hacker who's got 1 dead parent and another who knows the secrets of the future but needs to fight against the same technology to save it, whatever] but you know what? If I wanted any of those things, I'd... go and do those things. Did TRON really need any of those things? Did Indiana Jones 4 need aliens? Did a Gulliver's Travels adaptation need a wrestling scene with a gigantic robot? Did any segment of society need a CGI Yogi Bear movie with *voice-changed* Dan Akroyd and Justin Timberlake sounding nothing like themselves, hence removing the needs to cast themselves in the first place? Did we need another M. Night Chama... whoever concept film, even if it gratuitously steals a Agatha Christie plot-device that was over forty years old? (No, I'm not going to attempt to spell his name, either).
And before anyone says I picked the wrong 3D movie reboot movie to start anew on, the previous film I saw in 3D was Alice in Wonderland. All they need to do is make 3D re-imagined version of Top Cat and my childhood's destruction will be complete.
I honestly can't understand it. There must be focus groups out there that clamoured for additional Meet the Fockers and Narnia movies, but unless they were all millionaires with Alzheimers [guaranteeing they'd pay to see the movie several thousand times each], Hollywood is inexplicably busy making remakes of remakes.
I honestly don't want anything to do with this now. I liked 1974's The Taking of Pelham 123. It wasn't an exceptional film, but it was unique. Until people decided to remake it set in modern day with John Travolta. For no discernible reason, apart from preventing 2000ites from having to view 70's fashion and actors who haven't been on Oprah. Apparently now they're remaking Akira as a live-action film with Leonardo DiCaprio in it. I hope it goes as well as the new Speed Racer did. But, honestly, I don't care. I'm really giving up.
And I know I'm sounding not just overly cynical but also totally batshit insane saying all this, but I've reached a point where I can't understand a lot of what's happening in the world and I think that's a normal response. The must be how the Joker started. Someone told me Josh Rogen was appearing in the Green Hornet and all I could say was "I saw 24 minutes of Pineapple Express on cable one night, that fucker owes me a favour". And then they told me it was "Seth Rogen" and I didn't bother remembering the correct name. But Josh (or Seth) Rogen, if you're Googling your name, pay attention: you owe me. And I want my money, deadbeat. I. WANT. MY. MONEY.
...
Anyway, I've (illegally) downloaded a bunch of original Mission Impossibles and MacGyvers and I'm locking myself in a bunker with canned food and some old Mad Magazines. By the time you read this my time capsule will be hermetically sealed until a time that the phrase 'hermetically sealed' no longer exists.
Enjoy Kung Fu Panda 2, fuckers. And 3. Scott Rogen, you can slide the money under the door.