Golden Compass: Threat or Menace?
So! New Line Cinema is bringing out a movie at the end of this year called The Golden Compass and they're running promotional material already. This 7 month lead has to be some sort of record for promotional-events-before-the-movie (apart from Hollywood planning September 11 to ensure box office success for World Trade Centre, of course), but like all internet memes that appeal to a clique, the furries have gotten all hot under the collar about it. Why? Because this film (which is based on The Da Vinci Code, except it uses Scientology instead of Christianity, according to the promotional blurb that I just made up) introduces the concept of people having souls (which CAP Alert will love) but these souls are physically represented as animals (which causes CAP Alert to say things like "may contain trace amounts of paganism, wiccan concepts"). Oh, and if you don't know what CAP Alert is, www.capalert.com is a place where you can go and type in you favourite movies and obtain *real* *actual* warnings about objectionable content. The most awesome thing I can think about CAP Alert right now is it almost makes my review of Happy Feet sort-of like the real movie. That's right, the crazy things I make up are actually read into the movie by the CAP Alert reviewers, who then go on to tell millions that the movie contains these things too. I have an idea they should be writing me cheques based off this alone, but let's put that aside for now..
Hey, you clicked through the LJ-cut, that makes you a good person! If you can endure some more of my text, you'll get to see my actual Golden Compass results - but only after painstaking and gruelling analysis of the concept aforehand. And no scrolling down past the text either, you low down dirty cheaters.
Where was I? Okay, otherkin. So, one of the problems, one of the many problems with the furry scene is because it's so general, it basically can apply to anyone with a vivid enough imagination. Did you enjoy Wile E Coyote cartoons as a kid and didn't instantly hate them the instant you became an adult? You might be a furry. Did you watch Space Jam? You might be a furry. Do you like animals, even if that just means going to the zoo every couple of years and saying "Damn, lions have awesome teeth, watch to see if Kimba yawns again guys, that was totally awesome"? OH NO, YOU'RE A FURRY. Normally this is fairly harmless because normal people can either see Wile E Coyote's antics as a satire of human ambition and intellectualism or hey, animals are cool, but occasionally crazy, insane, fruitloop fringe groups come along and ruin everything for everyone. Or as was expressed of conspiracy theorist David Icke - "takes a shit in the punchbowl and ruins it for everyone". If you're interested in David Icke, as an aside, here's the 25 words or less: Was a British TV sportspresenter, announced on air he was the son of God, came to his senses a few years later and then 'realised' 6 foot tall lizards from space are plotting to overthrow humanity and it already includes the Royal Family and George W. Bush. Actually, forget 25-words-or-less, Icke really deserves a post of his own. He's written perhaps 23 books or so, all saying "Influential Person K is a 6 foot lizard in a human skin, and eats babies" and his proof of the fact is I NAMED INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE AS LIZARDS WHO HAVEN'T SUED ME FOR SLANDER, THEREFORE IT MUST BE TRUE. Why lizards who want to overthrow the planet (and eat babies) respect the rights of the courts, perjury and the rules of slander remain to be seen, but hey? My point to this digression is ANY conspiracy theorist group can be having a good time and then Icke shows up and says [figuratively] "I'm batshit insane, and I agree with these people!!!!!!" and it ruins what little credibility they may have had. I had to say [figuratively] there because otherwise Icke could have sued me (as he is NOT a lizard). www.davidicke.com is the best way to see for yourself, though I should warn you, the last time I was there it was clip-art intensive as well as heavy on The Matrix-isms.
Occasionally people have an attempt to purge the 'furry fandom' of the outskirt interests that are a little beyond the pale. It's like the Star Trek fans who might enjoy a Kirk vs Picard discussion, but turn their noses up at getting a Klingon marriage. Not that Star Trek people get married. Well, they do, but to other Star Trek fans, so it's not a *real* sort of marriage. Anyway, furries have enough problems without insane people joining the party and giving awkward soundbytes on news shows. Which brings me back, again, to otherkin. Otherkin is this uh, group, of people who genuinely, actually believe they have the souls of animals. And sometimes fictional animals, like dragons. I mean, it's okay to like dragons, dragons are pretty damn awesome (Trogdor, for instance, or Smaug, spring to mind), but I think it's almost a sign of arrogance to say "Dragons are so damn awesome that I am too via connection because I have the soul of a dragon". I mean, you can't say that sort of thing without some sort of proof. And I'm aware empirical evidence of souls is somewhat thin on the ground (there was an tongue in cheek internet experiment a few years back to capture the soul of a recently expired squirrel and then see if they could re-animate it a year later - does anyone remember this? Google's search of Zombie Squirrels only turns up flash games, which while amusing, aren't helpful to this line of discussion. P.S. Be sure to use the 'Block' key in the 3rd level - you can't pass it otherwise), but I mean really, unless you're actually acting like a dragon, you can't get away with claiming to have the soul of one. If you're making your toast with the toaster set to level 6, then sure, you could very well be a dragon but-
Actually, what is 'the deal' with toasters?, he said with his Seinfeld voice. I set the 'browness/toasting' level to 2 and it's not quite brown enough, and 3 is 'burn it to a crisp' setting, and the knob goes all the way to 6.. if our toasters aren't meant to be destroying whatever it is we're making, what could use the '6' setting? Rocks? I've never actually had the courage to set the toaster to level 6 given level 3 is nightmarish enough for me. Maybe one of these days I should unplug the smoke detectors and finally give setting 6 a go. Right after I've accomplished everything I want in life and left very precise instructions about who I want my belongings to go to.
So, otherkin. As far as I can tell, otherkin live otherwise ordinary lives, apart from perhaps having a few more pieces of dragon/animal art hanging on their walls than one normally would. I'm yet to show up at work and find that my coworker Barry says "I'm an otherkin who has the soul of a beaver. By the way, I've shredded 3 months' worth of server logs and built a dam in the supply room with them, as a FYI". But still - the furry community builds itself on the concept that animals can be interesting/fun when anthromopmoop.. anthrompm.. 'made to act like humans would', and making it widespread that 'if you really enjoy animals, maybe you can pretend to be one, spiritually' is the thin end of the wedge. Soon it won't be safe to go into the supply room. Everyone will be convinced it's their right to believe their major moral and religious decisions could be made by a animal who is beyond 'hyooman' jurisdiction.
It will be anarchy. Chaos. Blood in the streets. Those with the fierce animal otherkin spirits will think it's their birthright to pick on those with weaker, less predatory otherkin spirits. Those with large, vivid, creative, colourful otherkin will think they are somehow superior to those of us with small, black-only, otherwise useles otherkin.
And so the true meaning of my message comes to the fore: my spirit animal is.. a Crow. What sort of 'furry' can pride himself on being a black crow? And being sensitive to th N-word, accordingly? (N*v*rmore. Yes, I know it's technically ravens, but Poe didn't live in the time of the Golden Compass)
There still remains hope. Within the next 12 days, my spirit animal can change, based upon how others evaluate my behaviour. Putting aside the fact that everything I've ever said on here is a lie (never had a job drawing Satiricomic, never discovered a conspiracy of ex-girlfriends while I was a drugdealer, never was involved in a recipe-based conspiracy while pretending to be a chef, never done voice-over work as a platypus that encouraged hygiene, never gotten a tattoo twice [2 separate posts], never auctioned off furry art, never been arrested while putting on a kindergarten puppetshow while intoxicated, never... never ANYTHING you have read on here, okay?), I think you all know me pretty well. By evaluation of 5 random questions about how likely I am to match a certain personality type, you CAN change me from an insignificant dirty crow with an incredible fake Greek name that doesn't mean anything into a majestic rainbow coloured Dragon with rocket propelled grenade launchers for arms. This could be the most glorious moment of my online life. Dragons KNOW what to do about the supply room.
All I can hope is that you'll click below and vote with wisdom. With your help, together, we can discover what the '6' setting on my toaster does.
Hey, you clicked through the LJ-cut, that makes you a good person! If you can endure some more of my text, you'll get to see my actual Golden Compass results - but only after painstaking and gruelling analysis of the concept aforehand. And no scrolling down past the text either, you low down dirty cheaters.
Where was I? Okay, otherkin. So, one of the problems, one of the many problems with the furry scene is because it's so general, it basically can apply to anyone with a vivid enough imagination. Did you enjoy Wile E Coyote cartoons as a kid and didn't instantly hate them the instant you became an adult? You might be a furry. Did you watch Space Jam? You might be a furry. Do you like animals, even if that just means going to the zoo every couple of years and saying "Damn, lions have awesome teeth, watch to see if Kimba yawns again guys, that was totally awesome"? OH NO, YOU'RE A FURRY. Normally this is fairly harmless because normal people can either see Wile E Coyote's antics as a satire of human ambition and intellectualism or hey, animals are cool, but occasionally crazy, insane, fruitloop fringe groups come along and ruin everything for everyone. Or as was expressed of conspiracy theorist David Icke - "takes a shit in the punchbowl and ruins it for everyone". If you're interested in David Icke, as an aside, here's the 25 words or less: Was a British TV sportspresenter, announced on air he was the son of God, came to his senses a few years later and then 'realised' 6 foot tall lizards from space are plotting to overthrow humanity and it already includes the Royal Family and George W. Bush. Actually, forget 25-words-or-less, Icke really deserves a post of his own. He's written perhaps 23 books or so, all saying "Influential Person K is a 6 foot lizard in a human skin, and eats babies" and his proof of the fact is I NAMED INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE AS LIZARDS WHO HAVEN'T SUED ME FOR SLANDER, THEREFORE IT MUST BE TRUE. Why lizards who want to overthrow the planet (and eat babies) respect the rights of the courts, perjury and the rules of slander remain to be seen, but hey? My point to this digression is ANY conspiracy theorist group can be having a good time and then Icke shows up and says [figuratively] "I'm batshit insane, and I agree with these people!!!!!!" and it ruins what little credibility they may have had. I had to say [figuratively] there because otherwise Icke could have sued me (as he is NOT a lizard). www.davidicke.com is the best way to see for yourself, though I should warn you, the last time I was there it was clip-art intensive as well as heavy on The Matrix-isms.
Occasionally people have an attempt to purge the 'furry fandom' of the outskirt interests that are a little beyond the pale. It's like the Star Trek fans who might enjoy a Kirk vs Picard discussion, but turn their noses up at getting a Klingon marriage. Not that Star Trek people get married. Well, they do, but to other Star Trek fans, so it's not a *real* sort of marriage. Anyway, furries have enough problems without insane people joining the party and giving awkward soundbytes on news shows. Which brings me back, again, to otherkin. Otherkin is this uh, group, of people who genuinely, actually believe they have the souls of animals. And sometimes fictional animals, like dragons. I mean, it's okay to like dragons, dragons are pretty damn awesome (Trogdor, for instance, or Smaug, spring to mind), but I think it's almost a sign of arrogance to say "Dragons are so damn awesome that I am too via connection because I have the soul of a dragon". I mean, you can't say that sort of thing without some sort of proof. And I'm aware empirical evidence of souls is somewhat thin on the ground (there was an tongue in cheek internet experiment a few years back to capture the soul of a recently expired squirrel and then see if they could re-animate it a year later - does anyone remember this? Google's search of Zombie Squirrels only turns up flash games, which while amusing, aren't helpful to this line of discussion. P.S. Be sure to use the 'Block' key in the 3rd level - you can't pass it otherwise), but I mean really, unless you're actually acting like a dragon, you can't get away with claiming to have the soul of one. If you're making your toast with the toaster set to level 6, then sure, you could very well be a dragon but-
Actually, what is 'the deal' with toasters?, he said with his Seinfeld voice. I set the 'browness/toasting' level to 2 and it's not quite brown enough, and 3 is 'burn it to a crisp' setting, and the knob goes all the way to 6.. if our toasters aren't meant to be destroying whatever it is we're making, what could use the '6' setting? Rocks? I've never actually had the courage to set the toaster to level 6 given level 3 is nightmarish enough for me. Maybe one of these days I should unplug the smoke detectors and finally give setting 6 a go. Right after I've accomplished everything I want in life and left very precise instructions about who I want my belongings to go to.
So, otherkin. As far as I can tell, otherkin live otherwise ordinary lives, apart from perhaps having a few more pieces of dragon/animal art hanging on their walls than one normally would. I'm yet to show up at work and find that my coworker Barry says "I'm an otherkin who has the soul of a beaver. By the way, I've shredded 3 months' worth of server logs and built a dam in the supply room with them, as a FYI". But still - the furry community builds itself on the concept that animals can be interesting/fun when anthromopmoop.. anthrompm.. 'made to act like humans would', and making it widespread that 'if you really enjoy animals, maybe you can pretend to be one, spiritually' is the thin end of the wedge. Soon it won't be safe to go into the supply room. Everyone will be convinced it's their right to believe their major moral and religious decisions could be made by a animal who is beyond 'hyooman' jurisdiction.
It will be anarchy. Chaos. Blood in the streets. Those with the fierce animal otherkin spirits will think it's their birthright to pick on those with weaker, less predatory otherkin spirits. Those with large, vivid, creative, colourful otherkin will think they are somehow superior to those of us with small, black-only, otherwise useles otherkin.
And so the true meaning of my message comes to the fore: my spirit animal is.. a Crow. What sort of 'furry' can pride himself on being a black crow? And being sensitive to th N-word, accordingly? (N*v*rmore. Yes, I know it's technically ravens, but Poe didn't live in the time of the Golden Compass)
There still remains hope. Within the next 12 days, my spirit animal can change, based upon how others evaluate my behaviour. Putting aside the fact that everything I've ever said on here is a lie (never had a job drawing Satiricomic, never discovered a conspiracy of ex-girlfriends while I was a drugdealer, never was involved in a recipe-based conspiracy while pretending to be a chef, never done voice-over work as a platypus that encouraged hygiene, never gotten a tattoo twice [2 separate posts], never auctioned off furry art, never been arrested while putting on a kindergarten puppetshow while intoxicated, never... never ANYTHING you have read on here, okay?), I think you all know me pretty well. By evaluation of 5 random questions about how likely I am to match a certain personality type, you CAN change me from an insignificant dirty crow with an incredible fake Greek name that doesn't mean anything into a majestic rainbow coloured Dragon with rocket propelled grenade launchers for arms. This could be the most glorious moment of my online life. Dragons KNOW what to do about the supply room.
All I can hope is that you'll click below and vote with wisdom. With your help, together, we can discover what the '6' setting on my toaster does.