(no subject)
Heading back to NYC tomorrow after a day and a half trip home to Boston.
Things are as bad as I worried they would be and the doctor pretty much confirmed what I was observing over the few days I was home. That hospice is likely a thing of weeks, not months.
It was weird to feel some little bit of relief about that. I'm not sure if it has to do with my depression which came back with roaring strength in the last few days, the fact that I don't want my mom to continue to burnout like she has, or my own selfish terror of seeing death up close and personal.
That is combined with realizing this is it, and there isn't going to be more time. That helps to bring the stress level right back. I want to enjoy what I have and not spend all my time hoarding it, which I'm not sure is completely possible.
Hell, when I was first reading about the type of cancer my dad has and life expectancy, he's outlived it for almost 6 months. That's precious time already. It always seems like there will be more though.
Things are as bad as I worried they would be and the doctor pretty much confirmed what I was observing over the few days I was home. That hospice is likely a thing of weeks, not months.
It was weird to feel some little bit of relief about that. I'm not sure if it has to do with my depression which came back with roaring strength in the last few days, the fact that I don't want my mom to continue to burnout like she has, or my own selfish terror of seeing death up close and personal.
That is combined with realizing this is it, and there isn't going to be more time. That helps to bring the stress level right back. I want to enjoy what I have and not spend all my time hoarding it, which I'm not sure is completely possible.
Hell, when I was first reading about the type of cancer my dad has and life expectancy, he's outlived it for almost 6 months. That's precious time already. It always seems like there will be more though.