Fuck, bugger, bum, shit and poo
Well I thought that the elation I felt wouldnt last, and unfortunately I was right. As you can probably tell from the time stamp it has been a late night, and yes a fair bit of grog has been consumed. For this reason I need to get my head onto paper or it will actually explode.
This will not be a cryptic post as I really dont have the time or inclination to write it as such.
About this time last year I met a girl, she captivated my attention and intrigued me as she is something of an anomoly. Not only is this girl gorgeous but she also has a brain.....apparently they do exist. I told her on my birthday last year that I had feelings for her. She told me at that time that she was not in the position to really have feelings for anyone (cop out). I assumed that that meant a friendship was all that was on offer, and I happily accepted. Since then she has had a couple of boyfriends but has always acted extremely friendly with me. curling up on the couch with me and that sort of shit.
The second boyfriend has been on the scene for a few months now, and apparently it has been a long time building as they went to uni together and there was always something there that they never had the opportunity to take to the next level. However he lives in Mildura and travels back to Melbourne some weekends. During the week I tend to see a fair bit of this girl, in the capacity of cooking each other dinner and watching movies and all that normal shit.
Last Wednesday week ago she came out for drinks with me and we eneded up back at Dann's establishment in the wee small hours of the morning. Dann pulled her aside and said to her that she needs to tell me how she feels, she needs to make a decision between Ben and myself and she needs to do it soon as it is fucking me up to much. Not exactly how he said it but he is a pretty blunt boy so it wouldnt have been to far off. I found this out after she had left saying that she had stuff to think about and couldnt talk about it then.
Thursday we trade a couple of emails back and forth and she told me that her interpretation of the chat she had with Dann was that I thought she was leading me on. That she wants to give things with Ben a good go and she cant do that if she is thinking of taking things with us to the next level. That she really values me as a friend and doesnt want to lose that but at the same time doesnt want me to hang about on the off chance that she and Ben will break up.
I told her that this was not the case, I respect her decisions and that I am happy with friendship first and formost.
Fast forward to Friday night, we have been out drinking, she comes back to my place to stay (which has happened before, so nothing unusual) we get into bed and cuddle up together. I kiss her goodnight on the forhead and the next thing I know I am getting totally and thoroughly kissed. This continues for Saturday and Sunday, among other things. I spend a fair bit of time with her over the next week. However none of that time was alone, and under no circumstances was any real affection shown, as he housemate is on of Ben's good friends.
This weekend she has gone back to Melbourne to attend a couple of parties and to catch up with Ben who is down in Melbourne as well. Here in lies the problem, we have not had a talk about where everything stands, and as much as I want to know I am afraid of what the outcome may be.
I spoke to Dann about it tonight, ie the prompting for this ranting entry, and he told me that I need to just tell her that she needs to choose one or the other and accept the decision. I shouldnt let myself be fucked around, and more to the point I dont deserve to be fucked around. I need to tell her that if she chooses Ben over me that I will need some time to deal with it and not expect me to be hunky dory. If she says me then all well and good. However if she is indecisive I will make up her mind for her. I will not be fucked about.
I have set my deadline to be Monday. If she has not spoken to me about what is going on then I will bring things to a head because there is a big difference between putting yourself out there and grabbing your ankles and asking for a shafting.
The most humbling thing of the entire night was that Stacey told me why Sarah and the girls dont particuly like this young lady. I originally thought that it had a tiny bit to do with me and everything to do with her not being part of the 'circle of trust'. Tonight I found out that the way they feel about her is based wholy on the fact that they dont think she has treated me right and that I dont deserve to be treated the way i have. It was so nice, and so surprising to realise that these girls care about me so much that they would want to protect me to this level.
Anyways that is enough of my ranting and raving, I am going to try and get some sleep before the teachers meeting. Hopefully getting this down on paper will assist with that.
Hope all of you are well and happy. I am sorry for this rant, I will cut it so that you can skim it if you dont want to listen to another dumb fuck bitching about nothing.
This will not be a cryptic post as I really dont have the time or inclination to write it as such.
About this time last year I met a girl, she captivated my attention and intrigued me as she is something of an anomoly. Not only is this girl gorgeous but she also has a brain.....apparently they do exist. I told her on my birthday last year that I had feelings for her. She told me at that time that she was not in the position to really have feelings for anyone (cop out). I assumed that that meant a friendship was all that was on offer, and I happily accepted. Since then she has had a couple of boyfriends but has always acted extremely friendly with me. curling up on the couch with me and that sort of shit.
The second boyfriend has been on the scene for a few months now, and apparently it has been a long time building as they went to uni together and there was always something there that they never had the opportunity to take to the next level. However he lives in Mildura and travels back to Melbourne some weekends. During the week I tend to see a fair bit of this girl, in the capacity of cooking each other dinner and watching movies and all that normal shit.
Last Wednesday week ago she came out for drinks with me and we eneded up back at Dann's establishment in the wee small hours of the morning. Dann pulled her aside and said to her that she needs to tell me how she feels, she needs to make a decision between Ben and myself and she needs to do it soon as it is fucking me up to much. Not exactly how he said it but he is a pretty blunt boy so it wouldnt have been to far off. I found this out after she had left saying that she had stuff to think about and couldnt talk about it then.
Thursday we trade a couple of emails back and forth and she told me that her interpretation of the chat she had with Dann was that I thought she was leading me on. That she wants to give things with Ben a good go and she cant do that if she is thinking of taking things with us to the next level. That she really values me as a friend and doesnt want to lose that but at the same time doesnt want me to hang about on the off chance that she and Ben will break up.
I told her that this was not the case, I respect her decisions and that I am happy with friendship first and formost.
Fast forward to Friday night, we have been out drinking, she comes back to my place to stay (which has happened before, so nothing unusual) we get into bed and cuddle up together. I kiss her goodnight on the forhead and the next thing I know I am getting totally and thoroughly kissed. This continues for Saturday and Sunday, among other things. I spend a fair bit of time with her over the next week. However none of that time was alone, and under no circumstances was any real affection shown, as he housemate is on of Ben's good friends.
This weekend she has gone back to Melbourne to attend a couple of parties and to catch up with Ben who is down in Melbourne as well. Here in lies the problem, we have not had a talk about where everything stands, and as much as I want to know I am afraid of what the outcome may be.
I spoke to Dann about it tonight, ie the prompting for this ranting entry, and he told me that I need to just tell her that she needs to choose one or the other and accept the decision. I shouldnt let myself be fucked around, and more to the point I dont deserve to be fucked around. I need to tell her that if she chooses Ben over me that I will need some time to deal with it and not expect me to be hunky dory. If she says me then all well and good. However if she is indecisive I will make up her mind for her. I will not be fucked about.
I have set my deadline to be Monday. If she has not spoken to me about what is going on then I will bring things to a head because there is a big difference between putting yourself out there and grabbing your ankles and asking for a shafting.
The most humbling thing of the entire night was that Stacey told me why Sarah and the girls dont particuly like this young lady. I originally thought that it had a tiny bit to do with me and everything to do with her not being part of the 'circle of trust'. Tonight I found out that the way they feel about her is based wholy on the fact that they dont think she has treated me right and that I dont deserve to be treated the way i have. It was so nice, and so surprising to realise that these girls care about me so much that they would want to protect me to this level.
Anyways that is enough of my ranting and raving, I am going to try and get some sleep before the teachers meeting. Hopefully getting this down on paper will assist with that.
Hope all of you are well and happy. I am sorry for this rant, I will cut it so that you can skim it if you dont want to listen to another dumb fuck bitching about nothing.