(no subject)
i realized ive been updating quite a bit recently.. but really, typing calms me down.. it allows me to write things down as fast as my brain is thinking..
so it would have been sweet if i had been invited to the emmy formal.. cuz then i could have gone home 2 weekends in a row.. that would have been GREAT!! but i really dont know the emmys that well, so i didnt get invited.. which is fine.. it just would have been fun to walk around downtown.. or go to beaners and see my boys.. :) but at least i get to do that next weekend.. thank god.. cuz im gonna go crazy staying here..
so last night i was mad at him, but i understand better what he was saying after sleeping on it.. so im not mad.. im actually kinda glad he said it.. in a messed up weird sort of way.. but i wish he hadnt drawn it out so long.. had he gotten straight to the point, and not tried to find ways around it, it would have made things much easier.. but oh well.. at least he knows how i feel and i know how he feels, well, sort of.. and were still friends.. drama free.. no strings attached.. ha ha..
and then theres the other part of the night.. i kinda wished i had listened to him when he told me it wasnt my problem anymore.. but i have this "hero" complex i guess you could say.. i feel like i have to make sure the people i went out with make it safely back to the dorm.. no matter what it takes.. if i had just gone to bed, i wouldnt have gotten so upset.. i wouldnt have flipped out.. i wouldnt have had to ignore phone calls.. but i did.. and now things arent going to be the same.. it hurts when someone tells you "i love you, but right now i HATE you!!" at first i thought i could deal with it.. shes drunk, she doesnt know what shes doing.. but after having it repeated more then once, it just eats away at you.. but i need to learn to take care of myself before taking care of others.. thats my new goal..
YEAH!! for going home next weekend.. i get to see BAILEY!! and go to the easter egg hunt.. good memories.. and lunch with my favorite person in the world.. and BEANERS!! to see my boys.. and my mom.. and clara.. itll do me good.. especially because i might go back home and not come back to hope.. im gonna stick it out another semester and see if things get any better.. if not, then im for sure going home.. no more florida.. itll be HOME i go until i decide what to do from there.. but i wont be living with my parents.. ill probably get an apt with bailey, or move in with channing.. or something.. even moving in with christle.. like we always planned.. but well see..
now im off to work..
so it would have been sweet if i had been invited to the emmy formal.. cuz then i could have gone home 2 weekends in a row.. that would have been GREAT!! but i really dont know the emmys that well, so i didnt get invited.. which is fine.. it just would have been fun to walk around downtown.. or go to beaners and see my boys.. :) but at least i get to do that next weekend.. thank god.. cuz im gonna go crazy staying here..
so last night i was mad at him, but i understand better what he was saying after sleeping on it.. so im not mad.. im actually kinda glad he said it.. in a messed up weird sort of way.. but i wish he hadnt drawn it out so long.. had he gotten straight to the point, and not tried to find ways around it, it would have made things much easier.. but oh well.. at least he knows how i feel and i know how he feels, well, sort of.. and were still friends.. drama free.. no strings attached.. ha ha..
and then theres the other part of the night.. i kinda wished i had listened to him when he told me it wasnt my problem anymore.. but i have this "hero" complex i guess you could say.. i feel like i have to make sure the people i went out with make it safely back to the dorm.. no matter what it takes.. if i had just gone to bed, i wouldnt have gotten so upset.. i wouldnt have flipped out.. i wouldnt have had to ignore phone calls.. but i did.. and now things arent going to be the same.. it hurts when someone tells you "i love you, but right now i HATE you!!" at first i thought i could deal with it.. shes drunk, she doesnt know what shes doing.. but after having it repeated more then once, it just eats away at you.. but i need to learn to take care of myself before taking care of others.. thats my new goal..
YEAH!! for going home next weekend.. i get to see BAILEY!! and go to the easter egg hunt.. good memories.. and lunch with my favorite person in the world.. and BEANERS!! to see my boys.. and my mom.. and clara.. itll do me good.. especially because i might go back home and not come back to hope.. im gonna stick it out another semester and see if things get any better.. if not, then im for sure going home.. no more florida.. itll be HOME i go until i decide what to do from there.. but i wont be living with my parents.. ill probably get an apt with bailey, or move in with channing.. or something.. even moving in with christle.. like we always planned.. but well see..
now im off to work..