Closure
Lisa and I took Friday off work (she had already scheduled a vacation day because we were supposed to be going up to Reno this past weekend) and drove down to Visalia for the whole "dog and pony show" funeral weekend. We spent some good quality time with my in-laws Friday evening and went to dinner at Colima's as usual. My brother-in-law came over later that night and brought a shitload of pictures of LIsa's sister and they stayed up until about 2am making a collage for the memorial the next day.
Saturday morning we woke up and went to bury Lora's ashes, which was different. I didn't know that they actually buried them too, as opposed to just putting them in the wall crypt. So that was short and sweet, and just family. The minister was borderline retarded though. Lisa and her mom wanted to stay to watch the actual burial, and the worker from the funeral home was very graceful and respectful in his actions, asking the family if they would like to put anything in the outer box before he puts it in the ground. It was very emotional but it was nice.
Later that afternoon was the actual memorial service, or "phase 2 of the dog and pony show" according to her dad. I agree with that sentiment, as this is usually when everyone is at their most superficial. Again, the same minister performed this part and I must say that I think his reading level was below my son's, and he is in 3rd grade. After that 5 minute long "speech" they decided to trot everyone in the place up to "pay their respects" to the family. I'm glad my stepson needed to go to the bathroom and go out to get his clothes from his other grandmother, because I was able to escape for a couple minutes.
We got back late Sunday night, and I'm hoping this helped bring some closure for my wife, although she's still really mellow, and having a hard time with all of this. If anyone knows my wife, they know she is not really a mellow person. I'm hoping she can find her peace, and until then I will be there for her the best I can. I've lost many people close to me, so hopefully the encouragement I've been giving her helps. Only time will tell with these things. She asked me how long it took to get over my father and my son passing, and I told her I'm still not over it...but it gets easier to deal with as time passes and you can't put a deadline on grief.
Thats about it. I'm still exhausted.
Saturday morning we woke up and went to bury Lora's ashes, which was different. I didn't know that they actually buried them too, as opposed to just putting them in the wall crypt. So that was short and sweet, and just family. The minister was borderline retarded though. Lisa and her mom wanted to stay to watch the actual burial, and the worker from the funeral home was very graceful and respectful in his actions, asking the family if they would like to put anything in the outer box before he puts it in the ground. It was very emotional but it was nice.
Later that afternoon was the actual memorial service, or "phase 2 of the dog and pony show" according to her dad. I agree with that sentiment, as this is usually when everyone is at their most superficial. Again, the same minister performed this part and I must say that I think his reading level was below my son's, and he is in 3rd grade. After that 5 minute long "speech" they decided to trot everyone in the place up to "pay their respects" to the family. I'm glad my stepson needed to go to the bathroom and go out to get his clothes from his other grandmother, because I was able to escape for a couple minutes.
We got back late Sunday night, and I'm hoping this helped bring some closure for my wife, although she's still really mellow, and having a hard time with all of this. If anyone knows my wife, they know she is not really a mellow person. I'm hoping she can find her peace, and until then I will be there for her the best I can. I've lost many people close to me, so hopefully the encouragement I've been giving her helps. Only time will tell with these things. She asked me how long it took to get over my father and my son passing, and I told her I'm still not over it...but it gets easier to deal with as time passes and you can't put a deadline on grief.
Thats about it. I'm still exhausted.