I haven't posted here in a long ass time...
No idea why I'm doing this really. I just feel like bitching and to be honest, I don't really know how to talk to people. Occasionally I'll pull it off and work a conversation, but when shit goes down and I can't just depend on just myself anymore, I am helpless.
First off, my work. I'm busting my ass off so they will give me extra hours at that damned job, so I can make enough money to not only support myself and pay a portion of rent, but to save up for college as well. I get up at 5:30 in the morning, so I can catch the damned bus. I don't stay up late, even when hanging out with friends (I'll just leave early), on days that I work the next morning so I won't oversleep. All so I can put books on a fucking shelf for five fucking hours a day, and then return the carts to see them filled right back up. I am, with great difficulty, polite to customers. I don't stop working to talk to co-workers. Yet, despite talking to managers and anyone else with some fucking influence, I still don't get any hours above the twenty-five a week. Why? I had no clue, until today. It turns out that because about twice a week I arrive eight minutes after seven O'Clock. Almost always because the Bus is ahead of schedule (or not as behind), and it passes me by as I'm running across the street hoping to meet it. Now, this would not piss me off if it weren't for two reasons.
1)There are mother fuckers half an hour late every god damn day, without fail! Yet I'm the one fucked over for fifteen or so minutes a week?
2)I found this out from a co-worker rather than a manager. I don't even get the damn respect to be told how I could get the extra hours I need.
I'd like to make some joke to wrap that up, but I can't really think of any good ones.
Then there is the bit with Marie. The whole, leaving me for Robert (the hick) thing. Though its not quite that. The problem is I can't stop thinking about her. And its not even the least bit hateful! When I'm shelving at work, sitting at my computer, playing music, or laying in bed waiting for sleep, I think about her and I start worrying about her. Because (unlike her), I realize what a dick and pig Robert is, and I know he's going to treat her like shit and cheat on her. I can't even think to myself, "What a bitch", and mean it. And I know that in the (hopefully) impossible situation of her wanting me back, I know that as stupid as it would be, I wouldn't even think about saying no. I can't stop feeling the same way I have about ever since I first really talked to her. Its not that I haven't moved on, its that while I can ignore it with a bit of effort, it won't damn go away. I've even talked to her once or twice since then and even just that gave me the damned feeling I always got from her. It isn't making me happy, since she makes me pretty damn horrible. Its not really anything I'd explain on LJ.
God I fucking hate Livejournal. This will not be a habit.
First off, my work. I'm busting my ass off so they will give me extra hours at that damned job, so I can make enough money to not only support myself and pay a portion of rent, but to save up for college as well. I get up at 5:30 in the morning, so I can catch the damned bus. I don't stay up late, even when hanging out with friends (I'll just leave early), on days that I work the next morning so I won't oversleep. All so I can put books on a fucking shelf for five fucking hours a day, and then return the carts to see them filled right back up. I am, with great difficulty, polite to customers. I don't stop working to talk to co-workers. Yet, despite talking to managers and anyone else with some fucking influence, I still don't get any hours above the twenty-five a week. Why? I had no clue, until today. It turns out that because about twice a week I arrive eight minutes after seven O'Clock. Almost always because the Bus is ahead of schedule (or not as behind), and it passes me by as I'm running across the street hoping to meet it. Now, this would not piss me off if it weren't for two reasons.
1)There are mother fuckers half an hour late every god damn day, without fail! Yet I'm the one fucked over for fifteen or so minutes a week?
2)I found this out from a co-worker rather than a manager. I don't even get the damn respect to be told how I could get the extra hours I need.
I'd like to make some joke to wrap that up, but I can't really think of any good ones.
Then there is the bit with Marie. The whole, leaving me for Robert (the hick) thing. Though its not quite that. The problem is I can't stop thinking about her. And its not even the least bit hateful! When I'm shelving at work, sitting at my computer, playing music, or laying in bed waiting for sleep, I think about her and I start worrying about her. Because (unlike her), I realize what a dick and pig Robert is, and I know he's going to treat her like shit and cheat on her. I can't even think to myself, "What a bitch", and mean it. And I know that in the (hopefully) impossible situation of her wanting me back, I know that as stupid as it would be, I wouldn't even think about saying no. I can't stop feeling the same way I have about ever since I first really talked to her. Its not that I haven't moved on, its that while I can ignore it with a bit of effort, it won't damn go away. I've even talked to her once or twice since then and even just that gave me the damned feeling I always got from her. It isn't making me happy, since she makes me pretty damn horrible. Its not really anything I'd explain on LJ.
God I fucking hate Livejournal. This will not be a habit.