(no subject)
So, I'm back from Fort Jackson, SC. I was with C/3-34/165IN BDE. I really enjoyed my time there, shockingly enough. I saw the last 2 weeks of Blue phase and the first week of red phase with a new cycle.
I'm back in Texas, and I'll be here until the 5th. I might write something witty, but I doubt it. So...have some puns:
> King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
> war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of
> the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
> Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
>
> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
>
> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't
> you know who I am? I am the king!"
>
> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
> who you are."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
> destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I
> think I'm shrinking!!"
>
> The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to
> be a little patient."
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
> dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
> seagull eggs. One day, his supply of the gulleggs ran out so he had
> to go out and gather some more. On the way back home, he spied two
> lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped
> over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with......
> transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
> to produce other products and, since they already made the cases
> for watches, they used them to encompass compasses. The new
> compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or
> Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of
> the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
> toilets and urinals, leaving no clues A spokesperson was quoted as
> saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
> man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
> thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to
> bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.
> After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was
> feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the
> malady lingers on."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
> name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
> complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely
> saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
> on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All
> three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The
> one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to
> prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of
> the squaws of the other two hides.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
> remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that
> the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
> constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
> brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds
> like these, who needs enemas?"
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> (By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a
> contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were
> reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns
> would win, but unfortunately........ no pun in ten did.)
O, and check out www.militarymotivater.blogspot.com The one about the night jump happened to my buddy...not gonna let him live that down.
I'm back in Texas, and I'll be here until the 5th. I might write something witty, but I doubt it. So...have some puns:
> King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
> war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of
> the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
> Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
>
> Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
>
> "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't
> you know who I am? I am the king!"
>
> Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
> who you are."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
> destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I
> think I'm shrinking!!"
>
> The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to
> be a little patient."
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
> dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of
> seagull eggs. One day, his supply of the gulleggs ran out so he had
> to go out and gather some more. On the way back home, he spied two
> lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped
> over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with......
> transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
> to produce other products and, since they already made the cases
> for watches, they used them to encompass compasses. The new
> compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or
> Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of
> the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
> toilets and urinals, leaving no clues A spokesperson was quoted as
> saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
> man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
> thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to
> bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.
> After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was
> feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the
> malady lingers on."
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
> name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
> complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely
> saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census.
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
> on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All
> three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The
> one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to
> prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of
> the squaws of the other two hides.
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
> remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that
> the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
> constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
> brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds
> like these, who needs enemas?"
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> (By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a
> contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were
> reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns
> would win, but unfortunately........ no pun in ten did.)
O, and check out www.militarymotivater.blogspot.com The one about the night jump happened to my buddy...not gonna let him live that down.