happy b-day to me (x-posted to depression community)
i just turned 29 on the 27 of this month, and none of my friends in town noticed. no one called, no one wrote, no one texted, no one emailed. just nothing. and it's not as if i wanted some stupid gifts. i can buy myself stupid gifts that'll distract me for a very short time. i just want someone to care, and....... that didn't happen. not even when i was pretty blatant around said "friends" that my b-day was coming up, and that i wanted to do something for it. i just want a little attention for myself, but i'm evidently not worth it. so much so that i've found myself (no offence to those of you reading this or posting at this hour) posting on a journaling site in the late hours of a saturday night. i don't know what else i can do to make things better for myself.
every two weeks, i see my psychiatrist and therapist. every day i take my medications - about seven of them. yeah. seven. i work as much as i can. i volunteer as much as i can, which is about 40 hours a month. and i try to write something or other every day (mostly poetry). and i read a LOT. but it doesn't seem to matter that i've become considerably more active, that i seem to be in a better mood or whatever. i'm just not worth caring about or giving attention to.
i don't know what else to say. i can sort of feel myself derealizing as i type. i'm just watching me type crap and crap and crap.
ugh
every two weeks, i see my psychiatrist and therapist. every day i take my medications - about seven of them. yeah. seven. i work as much as i can. i volunteer as much as i can, which is about 40 hours a month. and i try to write something or other every day (mostly poetry). and i read a LOT. but it doesn't seem to matter that i've become considerably more active, that i seem to be in a better mood or whatever. i'm just not worth caring about or giving attention to.
i don't know what else to say. i can sort of feel myself derealizing as i type. i'm just watching me type crap and crap and crap.
ugh