NPD feels that they validate your life

[tisha313]

Nothing in my life is validated unless my mother witnesses me doing something or has proof. It can be as simple as me doing household chores. If she wasn't there watching me vacuum the carpet, mopping the floors and cleaning off the countertops then I have not done anything in her eyes, and I am likely to be a liar. She is like that with anything.

Comments

[discoveringtt]

I sympathize with you. My wife is like that. She goes to work and I work from home full-time. It was her usual pattern to come home and ask, "What have you done all day?" Many times she would add, "I saw you sitting there when I left, and you're still sitting there." For a while I would give her an accounting of my day. She would often say also, "I didn't seen you do that,"

I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not, but I eventually have challenged her by saying that I don't need to give an accounting of my work day to her because she is not my (work) boss. I've also had to say that just because she didn't see me do it doesn't mean that I didn't do it. She has stopped doing the things above, but I don't know if she is just keeping it to herself or actually changing on the inside.

I'm just learning about NPD now, and I am coming to realize why there has been so much pain in our family. I used to think that if I appeased my wife, things would be better. But that is not the case. I am learning now to be stronger and stand up for principles and boundaries. My wife is not happy though.