Do you think you will mourn your NMom or NDad's death?

[tisha313]

I wouldn't mourn my father's death...at this moment I cannot find any redeeming qualities about him at all. I'd probably feel free. Something tells me he's going to live a very long time, though

anyone else care to share on this subject matter?

Comments

[pwalkeri]

I think I will, more for who they should, or could, have been and less for who they really were. :-/

[athinker]

Wow, that is exactly what I was going to say. With my alcoholic father his death left me with the same feelings.

[pwalkeri]

Glad I'm not alone!

[parlance]

Definitely not alone. I've been NC with my father for over 20 years now, and he was already oldish the last time we spoke, so I've had plenty of time to think about this. I spent a lot of time mourning what he should have been, and I've mostly moved on.

I also had a dress rehearsal of sorts a couple of years ago when my uncle, his brother, passed away. It was the first time I'd seen my father in 18 years, and we didn't speak, and I felt nothing for him. I just found out recently that he complained that I didn't speak to him, even though all he did was stare at me. So nothing's changed. I live in another city on a tight budget, so I doubt I'll go to the funeral unless someone wants to pay for my plane ticket... so in other words, it won't happen.

[delwynmarch]

*snort* No!

I mourn (present tense) the mother I thought I had, and have realised never existed.

I mourn the person she could have been, and I'm sorry for her that she should hate herself so completely, because nobody deserves to feel such utter and complete misery.

But I will not mourn the death of the person she IS. There's nothing to mourn there. She's an empty shell of a person, full of toxic anger and jealousy and viciousness. I won't mourn her death any more than I'd be sad over the deactivation of a bomb - and yes, I'm aware I'm comparing a human being to an object, but when even my guinea pig treats me better and shows me more love than my mother, how much of a human being can I really see in her?

[chickenweed]

I feel exactly the same way as you delwynmarch.

[bastet11191967]

I think I would mourn what could have been, as I had waited a long time for my mother change to a "better person". Aside from the initial tears, I think relief would be the biggest thing I would feel. Relief that the constant worry about walking on eggshells is finally over, and relief that she would no longer be miserable, because her miserable behavior says more about her than anyone else.

[coldspaghetti]

No, I don't think I will mourn. If anything, I expect a feeling of overwhelming relief.

[shabenanizer]

Nope.
Thanks to their tenacity to keep on living for a damn long time, I've already mourned along the way and am pretty much over them by now.