Why does my independence threaten my mother?

[tisha313]

I still live at home and currently I am trying to find a way out. I am in my 20s. My mother is still very abusive. I don't know if its jealousy or some type of personality disorder. She definitely exhibits traits of narcissism

Comments

[rot_chan]

I am so sorry to hear about this terrible situation. First off, I just want to reiterate what you have probably heard before, but what is necessary to say... you are not alone in dealing with this insanity. I feel that so many people have parents like this who are harmful, triggering and have mental/personality issues, but more people just don't talk about it. I feel it's so stigmatized that it's kept secret. I'm one of those people...who wouldn't talk about how screwed up my parents were for so long to others, not even here. But I've learned it's OK to. And I think it's good you reach out here to others about it.

I feel I have to agree with the previous poster and say that your mom most likely feeds off of your presence. Even though she treats you very badly, doing unacceptable things like screaming at you, throwing things and hitting, she seems to need you to fill that 'emptiness' inside that you see with BPD sufferers especially. As you said, it would probably be likely she has a degree of BPD and narcissistic traits. The independence frightens her because she probably suffered abandonment/rejection issues before, and is unfairly thinking your normal, adult independence is rejection, which is sending her into a rage to frighten you into staying. It's a childish maneuver that many with BPD use to get someone to not leave them - abusive behaviors, rages, then crying and even threatening suicide sometimes. So it's not uncommon. I feel terrible that you must continue to live in this triggering and abusive household... do you have ANY friends who might give you some support? Any other place to stay in the area? I know you have to stay in the area to finish school, but maybe you can stay with a friend or get them to be a roommate until you can finish school. I feel that you really need to seek a way out of the situation versus trying to force yourself to get through it. But if it's not possible at all, 100%, maybe seeking help from counseling if you already haven't could help you make it through.

Good luck. Hope you are Ok... from one BPD parent sufferer to another. ♥