Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 6 2006, 22:16:34 UTC
What Sam loved most about Maddox, was the fact that he didn't care about appearances. As long as he looked presentable to the common eye, he was okay with everything. As long as he was with his family and friends. but everything's different now. But... but what if things weren't different? Her conscience spoke on it's own.
Sam took in a deep whiff of his clean scent. She had missed it. And had missed him. thought ran through her head at such a speed it was hard to process. If it were over...would he be holding me for this long?...What if it isn't over?...Why did it end in the first place?!... His abrupt push away from her snapped her from her thoughts. For a small moment she found herself wanting all over again. A look of frustration and sadness flashed on her face but she quickly replaced it with a smile hoping he hadn't noticed.
Had he moved away because he couldn't stand her anymore? Was she that despieable? Certainly not. Things weren’t that bad, were they?
"I wouldn't say fresh as a daisy..." Sam joked. "Have you been showering with Dari’s soap again?" She felt his eyes on her under scrutiny and suddenly felt the impulse to straighten her skirt but resisted. She simply motioned to the table for two next to them and sat down. "Oh, class. It was..." It was what? Boring...unlively...nothing ever was lively without him. "Fantastic." Sam finally managed to say. "But it wasn’t the best.”
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 7 2006, 01:15:38 UTC
Maddox barely noticed Remy walking by and muttering something to them. Sam didn't appear to notice him, if she did then she was ignoring him. Sounded like a good enough plan. Remy wasn't one to get into confrontations with.
Ignoring the tantalizing tingle of delight that seeing her again created, Maddox eased his false grin into a normal smile. He rolled a shoulder up in a shrug. "Soap is soap." Following her toward the table, he caught a painting's eye. He could have used a shot of something extra in the coffee, but for now he'd just take it black. Maddox flipped the chair across from Sam around and straddled it, settling crossed forearms over the back.
"Yeah? Dunno how you could stand it there... but then you're good at..." he waved a hand in a gesture that seemed to mean, 'whatever it is you were doing over there.' "Besides, my Charms work is awful. The only bits I know is the stuff I memorized to impress Natalie, back in the day." The blue eyes raised a little reminiscently, still smiling.
Sam conjured up their coffee, and Maddox reached for the sugar. "So now that you're settled, what are your plans? Besides criticizing my soap choices."
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 7 2006, 03:44:45 UTC
"Soap is soap." Sam repeated. "I take it that you enjoy smelling like Dari?" She gave off a little chuckle. Maybe it was to relieve her of the nervousness welling inside or maybe she actually found herself, well, funny. Sam eyed the way Maddox sat. It always bugged her, but she never said anything because that just wouldn't be Maddox.
"Oh, please." Sam's brown eyes flickered with annoyance. She really couldn't stand Natalie. Maybe because Maddox liked her so much...or because she was irritating. "Don't mention her. It's bad enough knowing her. Do you have to bring Natalie up?"
Sam picked at the pastry in front of her. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought avoiding everyone could solve all my issues. But I was just running away from them..." Sam sipped her coffee and continued, "I guess spending more time with my friends is a first step. I know I've distance myself away from everyone and buried myself into my work..."
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 7 2006, 04:34:54 UTC
Maddox scowled. "No one would smell like Dari on purpose," he muttered, dumping far too much sugar into his coffee and pretending to be offended. Part of the reason he sat like that was because she got irritated. He liked Sam irritated, because when she was focused on the little things she didn't pay as much attention to the small ones, like the way he admired the line of her neck and shoulder when she looked up and away from him.
Maddox grinned as she looked back at him, blue eyes glinting mischeviously. "Of course I do, because it gets under your skin." He finished stirring his coffee, taking a sip and reaching a hand out to steal the scone Sam had just conjured in front of herself.
"You're not the only one," he replied grimly. "Heard from Lucas lately?" The clouded expression on his face probably meant that he had not.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 7 2006, 04:52:06 UTC
"Only you're sick enough to smell like Dari on purpose." Sam retorted. She took a quick moment to throw her head back and laugh at her own joke. Pathetic, she knows. As she looked back at Maddox, she noticed that she was under his watch. She contained herself from not blushing and simply stirred at her coffee. "You really need to go shopping, living off of Dari's beauty products is not manly."
"Ha. Ha." Sam wasn't sure if she was irritated at Maddox for making it obvious of his enjoyment of her annoyance or gleeful that he cared to pay attention. Sam smacked away his hand and grabbed her scone. She tore it in half and handed the bigger half to him. "Next time," Sam began, "Ask..." She really didn't mind that he wanted any. He can eat the whole thing for all she cared. She just wanted to iritate him as much as he irritated her. what is this called? Oh, yes. Love-hate.
"What problem could you possibly be going through?" Sam wanted to know. Was it her? "I owled him the other day..." Hey, no harm in still being friendly, right?
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 7 2006, 05:06:55 UTC
Maddox gave her a flat look, and then lowered his eyelids halfway in what was a universal code for "you-offend-my-male-ego, feel-ashamed." That look never worked, but it didn't stop him from using it. He had to smile when she laughed, though. It seemed to him as if Sam never really let herself go enough for a good laugh, which might be one of the reasons why he was always trying to get her to do it. "I am not living off of Dari's beauty products. I've got enough manly beauty already." So there, the smirk said.
He knew the smack was coming, but gave her a grateful look when he got half the scone anyway. "Sure," he replied, grinning. They both knew this meant he wouldn't ask next time, and they'd just go through the same thing again.
Maddox bit into the scone, but stopped mid-chew at her question, which, to him, seemed mildly mocking in tone. He put the scone down; well, dropped it with the irritation he felt, more accurately. He looked away from her and brushed his hands off, concentrating on not being angry with her. "Glad to hear Lucas is peachy-keen, wherever the hell he buggered off to," he replied, in a stiff voice that meant he was angry about the whole thing. That and his ears were starting to go slightly pink... a bad sign.
"What problem could I be going through," he repeated, sardonically, hiding the hurt. "Gee, I don't know, Sam." He paused, significantly, then said, "Say, what day is it?" Without waiting for a reply he plunged on in a cold, restrained tone. "Subtract two years." The blue eyes gave her an intense look, and it wasn't one that was particularly flattering. He waited for the date to dawn on her, and waited for her to rewind to the day his muggle aunt and uncle were mysteriously killed. Well, not so mysteriously if you were a wizard. Maddox had a hell of a time explaining that one to his parents.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 7 2006, 05:32:45 UTC
"Hmmm." Sam leaned in closer to Maddox as if to get a closer look, but she didn't need to. She's known every bit of that face over the past six years. "Sorry," She smirked, "i don't see any manly beauty in there." She leaned back and looked at him in the eye to smile. Even though she's studied is face for hours on end, there was something now-a-days that he didn't have before; what bugged her most was she couldn't place her finger on what that something was.
The scone dropped with a "clunk." She stared down at it for a minute and slowly put hers down. It was all Sam could do from throwing the thing at him. She knew he was irritated but there was no need to take out whatever anger he had, out on her.
"You know, Maddox," Sam tried not to yell at him, but only managed to replace the noise level with an irritated tone that would have matched his, "I'm sure Lucas has his reasons for not contacting us. Im sure you haven't thought of that. You're too wrapped-up in Quidditch to worry about anyone lately. It wouldn't hurt to be the first to extend the hand of friendship." Everyone knew that Sam had trouble with controlling her emotions and being with Maddox didn't help either.
"You know, you can keep the sarcasm out of this." Under the table Sam clutched at her skirt to avoid from smacking him. She folded her arms against her chest. A sign that she wasn't backing down from this fight. "I know what day it is. I didn't want to mention it, knowing how touchy you can be. I'm not a git, you know." If Sam didn't look irritated, then her voice surely didn't hide it.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 7 2006, 06:47:48 UTC
Sam's hold on her temper was nothing short of supernatural. Mads was very human, and his ears went from pink to red at an accelerated pace. Some things didn't change. Gone was the cold calm. His hand jerked and some coffee spilled over the side onto his hand, making him curse and shake it, sending scalding drops of coffee in all directions. Random younger students looked over at his angry exclamations.
"You're always defending him! Have you got any nice chatty letters lately, Sam? Because I sure as hell haven't. Not one sodding line. 'Hey, Maddox. I'm fine. Tell your mum not to worry. -Luke' That would sure take a lot of effort, wouldn't it? What reasons could he have for turning his back on everyone that went through hell with him? The hols are over, for Merlin's sake! Do you even know where he is?"
Her tolerant pose just served to anger him further. The red was flushing his cheeks now. He leaned back into his chair so hard it went back an inch or so with a screech. The entire hallway winced. "And I am not touchy!"
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 7 2006, 06:58:06 UTC
As the coffee flew, it hit Sam in the face and she wiped away the drops in anger. "Thank you for my shower." Sam spat sarcastically. She jerked back from her chair to avoid anymore coming towards. Plus, the distance between them would keep her from lunging at his throat and going completely insane.
"Oy!" Sam couldn't help but exclaim. His tempermental yells scared her half to death. "I'm not sure what I'm more irritated at, the fact that you're yelling at me because Luke's refused to talk to you or the fact that you're acting insanely jealous over your two best friends. It's not like he threw himself on me. I only contacted him because Darin asked me too. You're not the only one that's in despair over the war, Maddox."
All her words spilled out because she was sick and tired of his obscene temper. Sam lowered her voice and looked down at the floor. "Let me ask you something, if you lost love ones after a war, would you want to talk to anyone? You know Luke better than I do. Don't blame me for your problems."
Sam immediately took a napkin beside her and started to wipe down the table obsessively trying to take out her anger on it. "And you are touchy. If you're not, then you're completely mental."
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoondani_littletonAugust 7 2006, 07:15:34 UTC
Dani was walking out of a classroom, bag flung over her shoulder, as she headed on her way back to the common room. She hoped that some of her housemates would be at the Hufflepuff table, and if not, she'd just go find Nick and eat dinner with him. As she zoomed down the hallway, the sound of yelling caught her attention, and she recognized the voices as Sam's and Maddox's. Wait, what? Maddox was a nice guy, just like Nick; he didn't yell. She wanted to interrupt and ask if everything was okay, but decided it was none of her business.
So with that, she strolled off with a very confused look on her face. She didn't really think Maddox was all that touchy.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 7 2006, 21:07:02 UTC
This time Maddox hadn't even noticed Dani, which was probably a good thing.
The sarcasm in the air was thick. Maddox just glared at Sam, as subtlety was a lost cause at this point. "I'm yelling at you because you won't stop acting like everything is fine, even when Luke is off with his head down a hole and pretending the world can't see him." He was overreacting, and he knew it, but his temper was in control now and he couldn't seem to stop himself. It was fortunate the table was between them, because even when he was at his angriest the look in her newly widened eyes made his gut clench. It frustrated him even more he couldn't just kiss her and get this idiotic discussion over with.
Maddox lowered his voice too--to an angry hiss. "'If? If?!'" It seemed like he couldn't grasp the meaning of her last sentence. "If I lost someone! Why--" For once, he was at a loss for words. After a second of sputtering anger that would have been funny if his vision hadn't gone red, he snapped, "I am not in despair! And neither is Luke." (At least, Maddox hoped not.) He almost crossed his arms like a stubborn five year old, but resisted. Narrowing his eyes at her frantic cleaning, he leaned a bit forward. "I am talking to people. I've got a life, and I'm not hiding from my friends or running off to wherever to get away from them. Your excellent memory will recall--yes, I did lose someone."
His hand shot out and covered hers, stopping it and the napkin from the scrubbing. The contact crackled through him. His gaze on hers, he said, "And not just Mary and Philip."
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 7 2006, 23:27:45 UTC
The only reason Sam ever bothered to argue with Maddox was to show she was only looking out for him! Now it seems like a lost cause as much as the subtlety was. "I am not acting like everything is fine. And if I were, it's because I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon." She could remember the last time she said that to him (ignoring the fact it made her a hypocrite…).
Sam ran her hand through her hair and glared back at him. "If you're so worried about Luke, go to him. You are his best mate. I can't get through to him, but you can. Everyone knows that Luke keep everything insides of him." Sam paused and contemplated if she should say her next thought. Oh, what the hell? "...Like someone I know." Hey, hypocrisy again!
Damn, Sam thought, he has to over-analyze everything. "Oh, damn, Maddox! You're overreacting to a simply misuse of the word 'if'" Sam stood from her seat. She would do anything to get him to shut-up, but she wasn't backing down. "Oh, so the bags under your eyes, the pale look on your face, and your lack of happiness lately isn't despair? Surely it's not because of me..." Of course it wasn't. Par of his family had died, for Merlin's sake.
Sam sat back down wanting to calm herself. She was seventeen and having an arguement in the middle of public. Bloody brilliant, Sam, really. Sam looked down at their hands. Half of her wanted to jerk away and the other half wanted to hold it. She could feel the memories rushing back towards her. The hot tears wanted to roll out but she refused to lose her calm. She simply let her hand lie there.
"Don't drag anything else into this. As you may recall, I didn't shy away because I wanted to… I was I running from friends..." Sam looked back up at him. The brown orbs that were her eyes searching in his blue ones, she added, "...Just you."
His last words seered into her and she knew what he meant. "I lost someone, too. Not physically. Just emotionally." If he hadn't recalled, it was him who withdrew from her.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 8 2006, 07:50:19 UTC
Perhaps doubt flickered behind his eyes, but it was momentary until they hardened. He frowned at her until she sat back down again. "Luke's going to a lot of effort to preserve his privacy," he said, stiffly. Merlin, he almost winced hearing himself sound like David. Almost. Maybe he was wrong, and maybe Luke just needed a hand up from wherever he'd fallen... But he would think of that later.
Maddox sat, with his hand over hers, not looking away from her eyes. He fought to keep his voice calm while the impulse to drag her closer grew. By now, the rest of the hallway had receded into the distance until it might as well have not existed. It was just him, her, and the gap between them he couldn't seem to bridge. "I am not in despair." With the words, he wanted to convince himself as much as he wanted to convince her. Her eyes looked glassy--or perhaps he was imagining it--and he hesitated before continuing.
"You didn't lose me, Sam. And you didn't need to run from me, either." He wanted her. He wanted the softness he knew could be in her eyes. He wanted her back.
But he knew there would be questions. Sam was a person who questioned everything, who wanted to know everything. And Maddox... Maddox wasn't ready to answer those questions.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 8 2006, 08:41:40 UTC
Maybe it was in her imagination, but Sam could have sworn she saw the questioning look in his eyes. After six years, she's learned to read his face, even if most people found no emotion. Sam's voice soften, maybe to calm Maddox, or maybe to reassure herself that this wouldn't escalate any further, "Luke needs a reason to come out of his reclusion; I've been thinking of Dari, but she's too prideful. I don't know what's wrong with him anymore than you do."
The tingle of his hand upon hers made Sam shiver. She tried to mask it by acting like she was cold... which, surprisingly worked, considering the weather. She knew that Maddox would be able to see right through her, but she didn't care now. Sam's lonely hand beside her had a mind of it's own, and before she knew what she was doing, she covered Maddox's hand with her other. All the while, she kept her eyes on his. If she stopped now, there may be no going back to the way things once were, but she wasn't sure if thing could ever be normal again.
She let the words sink in, I am not in despair. Was she in despair? Sort of, right? Ignoring everyone wasn't exactly the right manuever. She was hoping he'd say that he was despair because of her, because, like her, he couldn't function without thinking about what used to be...and what could be. Sam quickly wiped away the cascading tears and looked up at the ceiling. Merlin, this was ridiculous. First, she fought in public, now she was crying, too? Bloody hell.
Sam's eyes widened at his words. "What was I supposed to do Maddox? Write a gut wrenching letter demanding to know why you ended it? If I didn't lose you, we wouldn't be in this position." Her eyes became reacquainted with every freckle on his face, to the sea of blue in his eyes, to the soft peak of his nose, to the light pink of his lips. “If didn't lose you, i wouldn't have had to cry myself to sleep every night, I wouldn't feel awkward hugging you, or even being in your presence. I wouldn't have to pretend everything is fine and dandy when I talk to you." Sam paused, for effect mostly, "If I didn't lose you, then maybe I wouldn't feel guilty about doing this."
Sam leaned over, cupped his face in her hands, and before she could stop herself, their lips met. This felt right. She didn't care if people were watching. And right now, no questions needed to be answered. If he felt comfortable with telling her, she'd have no need to ask. As long as she had Maddox back, she'd be quiet...for now.
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonmaddox_dixonAugust 8 2006, 19:01:31 UTC
Maddox opened his mouth to respond to this startling confession, but had no time to say anything other than a strangled version of her name before her lips covered his. There was a moment of surprise before his lips warmed to hers. Control had nothing to do with it. There was no control, no thought, no room for any of it.
There was only the taste of her lips against his, familiar and strange all at once. The frustration he felt whenever she was close but untouchable suddenly took him over, and with a suddenness that probably took them both by surprise, he put a free hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Any innocence or intent melted out of the contact immediately. His mouth consumed hers, and the mindless need for more consumed him.
But as soon as it did, he realized what he as doing. And with an effort that made it feel like something deep in his chest was tearing, he pulled himself back from her. He made his fingers release their grip and pulled them gently from her hair. He tried to force his breath steady. What was he doing? Was he going to put her--him--through all of this again? Just to satisfy a teenager's stupid unfufilled... lust?
"I--shouldn't have done that." He took a breath, looked away from her. "I'm sorry, Sam."
Re: Monday January 16th, Late Afternoonbewitched_sam_August 8 2006, 20:35:58 UTC
Sam was fairly surprised to find him responding back to her just as feverishly. This only meant that he wanted this a much as she did, that she wasn't the only one always wondering "what if?", that everything from five years past up until now were all mistakes, right? But she stopped thinking and started on him, her, and the small space between them she wanted to fill. Sam let out a slight gasp at the feel of his hands on her neck and then, his body. All the years of longing and, yes, even the questions had melted away. No thoughts, no questions, no need for answers.
Sam could only respond to his wanting by kissing him harder. She let go of his face and wrapped one arm around his neck and the other through his hair. Everything felt familiar yet, oddly new at the same time.
But suddenly, all those feelings dissolved with a simple pull away. She gasped for air as the separated. The tingle and warmth of his hands had not left...but began to slowly fade. Sam's eyes fluttered opened and she lifted two fingers to her (very) swollen lips. Damn. She let her hand drop in confusion.
"You're sorry?" Sam asked rhetorically. There was hurt in her voice. "That's all you can say?" After I just argued, " she counted the items on her fingers, "cried, poured my heart out, and snogged you in public," She put much emphasis on the last two words, "all you can muster is 'I shouldn't have done that, Sam; I'm sorry?!'" Sam did all but shriek at this point. She was suddenly feeling like she was experiencing an extremely obnoxious hang-over; she used on hand to balance herself and the other to cover her forehead.
Sam looked at Maddox is disbelief for a moment before the hurt (and tears) flooded back to her eyes, but she wasn't going to break down. Samantha Katherine Jones does not lose it over a boy, she reminded herself. "I...I have to go."
"It was actually getting to talk with you," Sam said stiffly before she turned abruptly from him and walked out.
Sam took in a deep whiff of his clean scent. She had missed it. And had missed him. thought ran through her head at such a speed it was hard to process. If it were over...would he be holding me for this long?...What if it isn't over?...Why did it end in the first place?!... His abrupt push away from her snapped her from her thoughts. For a small moment she found herself wanting all over again. A look of frustration and sadness flashed on her face but she quickly replaced it with a smile hoping he hadn't noticed.
Had he moved away because he couldn't stand her anymore? Was she that despieable? Certainly not. Things weren’t that bad, were they?
"I wouldn't say fresh as a daisy..." Sam joked. "Have you been showering with Dari’s soap again?" She felt his eyes on her under scrutiny and suddenly felt the impulse to straighten her skirt but resisted. She simply motioned to the table for two next to them and sat down. "Oh, class. It was..." It was what? Boring...unlively...nothing ever was lively without him. "Fantastic." Sam finally managed to say. "But it wasn’t the best.”
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Ignoring the tantalizing tingle of delight that seeing her again created, Maddox eased his false grin into a normal smile. He rolled a shoulder up in a shrug. "Soap is soap." Following her toward the table, he caught a painting's eye. He could have used a shot of something extra in the coffee, but for now he'd just take it black. Maddox flipped the chair across from Sam around and straddled it, settling crossed forearms over the back.
"Yeah? Dunno how you could stand it there... but then you're good at..." he waved a hand in a gesture that seemed to mean, 'whatever it is you were doing over there.' "Besides, my Charms work is awful. The only bits I know is the stuff I memorized to impress Natalie, back in the day." The blue eyes raised a little reminiscently, still smiling.
Sam conjured up their coffee, and Maddox reached for the sugar. "So now that you're settled, what are your plans? Besides criticizing my soap choices."
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"Oh, please." Sam's brown eyes flickered with annoyance. She really couldn't stand Natalie. Maybe because Maddox liked her so much...or because she was irritating. "Don't mention her. It's bad enough knowing her. Do you have to bring Natalie up?"
Sam picked at the pastry in front of her. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought avoiding everyone could solve all my issues. But I was just running away from them..." Sam sipped her coffee and continued, "I guess spending more time with my friends is a first step. I know I've distance myself away from everyone and buried myself into my work..."
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Maddox grinned as she looked back at him, blue eyes glinting mischeviously. "Of course I do, because it gets under your skin." He finished stirring his coffee, taking a sip and reaching a hand out to steal the scone Sam had just conjured in front of herself.
"You're not the only one," he replied grimly. "Heard from Lucas lately?" The clouded expression on his face probably meant that he had not.
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"Ha. Ha." Sam wasn't sure if she was irritated at Maddox for making it obvious of his enjoyment of her annoyance or gleeful that he cared to pay attention. Sam smacked away his hand and grabbed her scone. She tore it in half and handed the bigger half to him. "Next time," Sam began, "Ask..." She really didn't mind that he wanted any. He can eat the whole thing for all she cared. She just wanted to iritate him as much as he irritated her. what is this called? Oh, yes. Love-hate.
"What problem could you possibly be going through?" Sam wanted to know. Was it her? "I owled him the other day..." Hey, no harm in still being friendly, right?
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He knew the smack was coming, but gave her a grateful look when he got half the scone anyway. "Sure," he replied, grinning. They both knew this meant he wouldn't ask next time, and they'd just go through the same thing again.
Maddox bit into the scone, but stopped mid-chew at her question, which, to him, seemed mildly mocking in tone. He put the scone down; well, dropped it with the irritation he felt, more accurately. He looked away from her and brushed his hands off, concentrating on not being angry with her. "Glad to hear Lucas is peachy-keen, wherever the hell he buggered off to," he replied, in a stiff voice that meant he was angry about the whole thing. That and his ears were starting to go slightly pink... a bad sign.
"What problem could I be going through," he repeated, sardonically, hiding the hurt. "Gee, I don't know, Sam." He paused, significantly, then said, "Say, what day is it?" Without waiting for a reply he plunged on in a cold, restrained tone. "Subtract two years." The blue eyes gave her an intense look, and it wasn't one that was particularly flattering. He waited for the date to dawn on her, and waited for her to rewind to the day his muggle aunt and uncle were mysteriously killed. Well, not so mysteriously if you were a wizard. Maddox had a hell of a time explaining that one to his parents.
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The scone dropped with a "clunk." She stared down at it for a minute and slowly put hers down. It was all Sam could do from throwing the thing at him. She knew he was irritated but there was no need to take out whatever anger he had, out on her.
"You know, Maddox," Sam tried not to yell at him, but only managed to replace the noise level with an irritated tone that would have matched his, "I'm sure Lucas has his reasons for not contacting us. Im sure you haven't thought of that. You're too wrapped-up in Quidditch to worry about anyone lately. It wouldn't hurt to be the first to extend the hand of friendship." Everyone knew that Sam had trouble with controlling her emotions and being with Maddox didn't help either.
"You know, you can keep the sarcasm out of this." Under the table Sam clutched at her skirt to avoid from smacking him. She folded her arms against her chest. A sign that she wasn't backing down from this fight. "I know what day it is. I didn't want to mention it, knowing how touchy you can be. I'm not a git, you know." If Sam didn't look irritated, then her voice surely didn't hide it.
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"You're always defending him! Have you got any nice chatty letters lately, Sam? Because I sure as hell haven't. Not one sodding line. 'Hey, Maddox. I'm fine. Tell your mum not to worry. -Luke' That would sure take a lot of effort, wouldn't it? What reasons could he have for turning his back on everyone that went through hell with him? The hols are over, for Merlin's sake! Do you even know where he is?"
Her tolerant pose just served to anger him further. The red was flushing his cheeks now. He leaned back into his chair so hard it went back an inch or so with a screech. The entire hallway winced. "And I am not touchy!"
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"Oy!" Sam couldn't help but exclaim. His tempermental yells scared her half to death. "I'm not sure what I'm more irritated at, the fact that you're yelling at me because Luke's refused to talk to you or the fact that you're acting insanely jealous over your two best friends. It's not like he threw himself on me. I only contacted him because Darin asked me too. You're not the only one that's in despair over the war, Maddox."
All her words spilled out because she was sick and tired of his obscene temper. Sam lowered her voice and looked down at the floor. "Let me ask you something, if you lost love ones after a war, would you want to talk to anyone? You know Luke better than I do. Don't blame me for your problems."
Sam immediately took a napkin beside her and started to wipe down the table obsessively trying to take out her anger on it. "And you are touchy. If you're not, then you're completely mental."
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So with that, she strolled off with a very confused look on her face. She didn't really think Maddox was all that touchy.
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The sarcasm in the air was thick. Maddox just glared at Sam, as subtlety was a lost cause at this point. "I'm yelling at you because you won't stop acting like everything is fine, even when Luke is off with his head down a hole and pretending the world can't see him." He was overreacting, and he knew it, but his temper was in control now and he couldn't seem to stop himself. It was fortunate the table was between them, because even when he was at his angriest the look in her newly widened eyes made his gut clench. It frustrated him even more he couldn't just kiss her and get this idiotic discussion over with.
Maddox lowered his voice too--to an angry hiss. "'If? If?!'" It seemed like he couldn't grasp the meaning of her last sentence. "If I lost someone! Why--" For once, he was at a loss for words. After a second of sputtering anger that would have been funny if his vision hadn't gone red, he snapped, "I am not in despair! And neither is Luke." (At least, Maddox hoped not.) He almost crossed his arms like a stubborn five year old, but resisted. Narrowing his eyes at her frantic cleaning, he leaned a bit forward. "I am talking to people. I've got a life, and I'm not hiding from my friends or running off to wherever to get away from them. Your excellent memory will recall--yes, I did lose someone."
His hand shot out and covered hers, stopping it and the napkin from the scrubbing. The contact crackled through him. His gaze on hers, he said, "And not just Mary and Philip."
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Sam ran her hand through her hair and glared back at him. "If you're so worried about Luke, go to him. You are his best mate. I can't get through to him, but you can. Everyone knows that Luke keep everything insides of him." Sam paused and contemplated if she should say her next thought. Oh, what the hell? "...Like someone I know." Hey, hypocrisy again!
Damn, Sam thought, he has to over-analyze everything. "Oh, damn, Maddox! You're overreacting to a simply misuse of the word 'if'" Sam stood from her seat. She would do anything to get him to shut-up, but she wasn't backing down. "Oh, so the bags under your eyes, the pale look on your face, and your lack of happiness lately isn't despair? Surely it's not because of me..." Of course it wasn't. Par of his family had died, for Merlin's sake.
Sam sat back down wanting to calm herself. She was seventeen and having an arguement in the middle of public. Bloody brilliant, Sam, really. Sam looked down at their hands. Half of her wanted to jerk away and the other half wanted to hold it. She could feel the memories rushing back towards her. The hot tears wanted to roll out but she refused to lose her calm. She simply let her hand lie there.
"Don't drag anything else into this. As you may recall, I didn't shy away because I wanted to… I was I running from friends..." Sam looked back up at him. The brown orbs that were her eyes searching in his blue ones, she added, "...Just you."
His last words seered into her and she knew what he meant. "I lost someone, too. Not physically. Just emotionally." If he hadn't recalled, it was him who withdrew from her.
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Maddox sat, with his hand over hers, not looking away from her eyes. He fought to keep his voice calm while the impulse to drag her closer grew. By now, the rest of the hallway had receded into the distance until it might as well have not existed. It was just him, her, and the gap between them he couldn't seem to bridge. "I am not in despair." With the words, he wanted to convince himself as much as he wanted to convince her. Her eyes looked glassy--or perhaps he was imagining it--and he hesitated before continuing.
"You didn't lose me, Sam. And you didn't need to run from me, either." He wanted her. He wanted the softness he knew could be in her eyes. He wanted her back.
But he knew there would be questions. Sam was a person who questioned everything, who wanted to know everything. And Maddox... Maddox wasn't ready to answer those questions.
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The tingle of his hand upon hers made Sam shiver. She tried to mask it by acting like she was cold... which, surprisingly worked, considering the weather. She knew that Maddox would be able to see right through her, but she didn't care now. Sam's lonely hand beside her had a mind of it's own, and before she knew what she was doing, she covered Maddox's hand with her other. All the while, she kept her eyes on his. If she stopped now, there may be no going back to the way things once were, but she wasn't sure if thing could ever be normal again.
She let the words sink in, I am not in despair. Was she in despair? Sort of, right? Ignoring everyone wasn't exactly the right manuever. She was hoping he'd say that he was despair because of her, because, like her, he couldn't function without thinking about what used to be...and what could be. Sam quickly wiped away the cascading tears and looked up at the ceiling. Merlin, this was ridiculous. First, she fought in public, now she was crying, too? Bloody hell.
Sam's eyes widened at his words. "What was I supposed to do Maddox? Write a gut wrenching letter demanding to know why you ended it? If I didn't lose you, we wouldn't be in this position." Her eyes became reacquainted with every freckle on his face, to the sea of blue in his eyes, to the soft peak of his nose, to the light pink of his lips. “If didn't lose you, i wouldn't have had to cry myself to sleep every night, I wouldn't feel awkward hugging you, or even being in your presence. I wouldn't have to pretend everything is fine and dandy when I talk to you." Sam paused, for effect mostly, "If I didn't lose you, then maybe I wouldn't feel guilty about doing this."
Sam leaned over, cupped his face in her hands, and before she could stop herself, their lips met. This felt right. She didn't care if people were watching. And right now, no questions needed to be answered. If he felt comfortable with telling her, she'd have no need to ask. As long as she had Maddox back, she'd be quiet...for now.
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There was only the taste of her lips against his, familiar and strange all at once. The frustration he felt whenever she was close but untouchable suddenly took him over, and with a suddenness that probably took them both by surprise, he put a free hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Any innocence or intent melted out of the contact immediately. His mouth consumed hers, and the mindless need for more consumed him.
But as soon as it did, he realized what he as doing. And with an effort that made it feel like something deep in his chest was tearing, he pulled himself back from her. He made his fingers release their grip and pulled them gently from her hair. He tried to force his breath steady. What was he doing? Was he going to put her--him--through all of this again? Just to satisfy a teenager's stupid unfufilled... lust?
"I--shouldn't have done that." He took a breath, looked away from her. "I'm sorry, Sam."
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Sam could only respond to his wanting by kissing him harder. She let go of his face and wrapped one arm around his neck and the other through his hair. Everything felt familiar yet, oddly new at the same time.
But suddenly, all those feelings dissolved with a simple pull away. She gasped for air as the separated. The tingle and warmth of his hands had not left...but began to slowly fade. Sam's eyes fluttered opened and she lifted two fingers to her (very) swollen lips. Damn. She let her hand drop in confusion.
"You're sorry?" Sam asked rhetorically. There was hurt in her voice. "That's all you can say?" After I just argued, " she counted the items on her fingers, "cried, poured my heart out, and snogged you in public," She put much emphasis on the last two words, "all you can muster is 'I shouldn't have done that, Sam; I'm sorry?!'" Sam did all but shriek at this point. She was suddenly feeling like she was experiencing an extremely obnoxious hang-over; she used on hand to balance herself and the other to cover her forehead.
Sam looked at Maddox is disbelief for a moment before the hurt (and tears) flooded back to her eyes, but she wasn't going to break down. Samantha Katherine Jones does not lose it over a boy, she reminded herself. "I...I have to go."
"It was actually getting to talk with you," Sam said stiffly before she turned abruptly from him and walked out.
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