(no subject)
I'm a little over-due when it comes to posting a heart-felt entry; most of my recent ones have been half-assed links or mediocre stabs at humor. The only quality thing that I've put up lately is that tetris + ska one (which I still listen to on repeat constantly.)
Something's been bugging me lately, though. For a while there, I went through the entire phase of watching older friends hook up and getting a little jealous. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to get into the dating scene. I wanted to know what first kisses/holding hands/being spoiled felt like.
Things have slowly shifted, and recently, I've just really, really wanted a relationship... for relationship's sake. I don't want to be in it so that I can finally say that I have a boyfriend or so that I can get that first kiss out of the way. I just want to develop that heart-felt, intense relationship with someone, because, in all honesty, I haven't been able to be open with anyone since Mandie. I open up to Smee a little bit, and I was just beginning to emotionally open up to Bethany and Katherine before they left for college. It's a little frustrating that people tend to get seperated from me as soon as I get close to them...
Anyways, I guess it's a bit of a maturing thing. I've gone from wanting the tiny things that high school girls swoon over to wanting the most important part, which is the relationship. At the same time, I'd really like to move backwards. Wanting to have a relationship and not having one leaves you feeling a dandy bit of lonely, and if there's one thing I can't stand feeling, it's lonely.
It's not something I'll sort out by posting about it, though, so despite having more to say, I'm done. I don't feel like talking about it anymore.
Something's been bugging me lately, though. For a while there, I went through the entire phase of watching older friends hook up and getting a little jealous. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to get into the dating scene. I wanted to know what first kisses/holding hands/being spoiled felt like.
Things have slowly shifted, and recently, I've just really, really wanted a relationship... for relationship's sake. I don't want to be in it so that I can finally say that I have a boyfriend or so that I can get that first kiss out of the way. I just want to develop that heart-felt, intense relationship with someone, because, in all honesty, I haven't been able to be open with anyone since Mandie. I open up to Smee a little bit, and I was just beginning to emotionally open up to Bethany and Katherine before they left for college. It's a little frustrating that people tend to get seperated from me as soon as I get close to them...
Anyways, I guess it's a bit of a maturing thing. I've gone from wanting the tiny things that high school girls swoon over to wanting the most important part, which is the relationship. At the same time, I'd really like to move backwards. Wanting to have a relationship and not having one leaves you feeling a dandy bit of lonely, and if there's one thing I can't stand feeling, it's lonely.
It's not something I'll sort out by posting about it, though, so despite having more to say, I'm done. I don't feel like talking about it anymore.