[][] Really? [][]
[][] It has been years since I last posted, and I wish I had the time/energy to actually tell a few stories but at this very moment the desire isn't there. I want to talk about my mother for a brief second, and leave it at that.
[][] I wish I had some positive energy to throw her way but she has truly run myself and everyone around her completely dry. I have no more words of wisdom, advice, or solace to offer her. At this point she has made her choices in life and she needs to accept the position that she is in and figure out how she is going to manage her life from here on out without freebies and handouts from her friends and family.
[][] Tragedy happens in life and I can see her sadness and anxiety boiling from within her, but I have suffered too. My life has been torn inside out and upside down so many times already, and I accept it- and do what I need to do to ensure I keep a roof over my head and food on my table. It's not fun, it's not supposed to be easy, it's life. I still manage to enjoy myself and look forward to the future. She says I don't understand because I'm so much younger than her. But to me, age is no longer an excuse. In fact I hold her age against her. She is old enough to grasp the concept of living alone, working to earn a fucking paycheck and making the best out of what you have whether it be a little or a lot. Tragedy will swallow you whole but it seems true that only the strong survive.
[][] She is in complete denial, and the part that I find most frustrating is the constant negativity she brings with her. She is critical of everyone around her, yet she is the one who has the least to offer in regards to both friendship and finance. She believes that the successful people in her life who had to work for a living are obligated to take care of her needs and desires. What she fails to realize is that people are much more willing to help those who help themselves. If I saw her putting in some effort into taking care of herself, I would give more of a shit. But at this juncture it is excuse after excuse meanwhile she criticizes my decisions and the decisions of others...
[][] I am sick and tired of hearing her sob story. I am sick and tired of being her therapist, wailing wall, and mediator between her and the rest of the world. I have worked so hard for everything I have and she insults my intelligence by playing miss victim of the universe when she is more than capable of leading an acceptable life for herself. And that's the worst part! I don't want her to do it for anyone but herself, and she simply won't budge.
[][] I don't want to hear from any more friends or family members digging for answers about my mom. No one asks about me anymore. My mother is all about herself, and so is my father. I have never felt so alone in the world as I do now. Neither of them call to see how I am doing, what I am doing, if I'm ok... They call to vent their problems and then hang up the phone after I have completed my job of talking them down. It's sickening. It's exhausting.
[][] My aunt gave my mother ten thousand dollars a couple years back to help her get on her feet. And what did she do with it all? I have no idea. She certainly didn't use it for an education or her own apartment or a small business. If I had been the recipient I could have fixed the ten thousand problems I have in my life. How undeserving some people are of the things they are given makes me bitter, I hate to admit it, but it is the truth. I can't finish my education at the school I got accepted to because of money. I can't do an internship overseas for my college education because of money. I can't get my own car. I can't afford to see a doctor. But I know I am doing the very best I can, and that gives me peace of mind. But man oh man, if I had been given that amount of money for nothing in return, it would have made a massive difference in my life, and in a positive way. She has been given so much money from everyone (including myself), and she throws it away. I never ask for help, I can't- because if I did I would get rejected. Wherever the animosity comes from, I don't know. Why my family doesn't take an interest in my life I don't know. I feel like it is because I am my mother's child I am automatically wearing a scarlet letter.
[][] Fuck it all I guess.
[][] I wish I had some positive energy to throw her way but she has truly run myself and everyone around her completely dry. I have no more words of wisdom, advice, or solace to offer her. At this point she has made her choices in life and she needs to accept the position that she is in and figure out how she is going to manage her life from here on out without freebies and handouts from her friends and family.
[][] Tragedy happens in life and I can see her sadness and anxiety boiling from within her, but I have suffered too. My life has been torn inside out and upside down so many times already, and I accept it- and do what I need to do to ensure I keep a roof over my head and food on my table. It's not fun, it's not supposed to be easy, it's life. I still manage to enjoy myself and look forward to the future. She says I don't understand because I'm so much younger than her. But to me, age is no longer an excuse. In fact I hold her age against her. She is old enough to grasp the concept of living alone, working to earn a fucking paycheck and making the best out of what you have whether it be a little or a lot. Tragedy will swallow you whole but it seems true that only the strong survive.
[][] She is in complete denial, and the part that I find most frustrating is the constant negativity she brings with her. She is critical of everyone around her, yet she is the one who has the least to offer in regards to both friendship and finance. She believes that the successful people in her life who had to work for a living are obligated to take care of her needs and desires. What she fails to realize is that people are much more willing to help those who help themselves. If I saw her putting in some effort into taking care of herself, I would give more of a shit. But at this juncture it is excuse after excuse meanwhile she criticizes my decisions and the decisions of others...
[][] I am sick and tired of hearing her sob story. I am sick and tired of being her therapist, wailing wall, and mediator between her and the rest of the world. I have worked so hard for everything I have and she insults my intelligence by playing miss victim of the universe when she is more than capable of leading an acceptable life for herself. And that's the worst part! I don't want her to do it for anyone but herself, and she simply won't budge.
[][] I don't want to hear from any more friends or family members digging for answers about my mom. No one asks about me anymore. My mother is all about herself, and so is my father. I have never felt so alone in the world as I do now. Neither of them call to see how I am doing, what I am doing, if I'm ok... They call to vent their problems and then hang up the phone after I have completed my job of talking them down. It's sickening. It's exhausting.
[][] My aunt gave my mother ten thousand dollars a couple years back to help her get on her feet. And what did she do with it all? I have no idea. She certainly didn't use it for an education or her own apartment or a small business. If I had been the recipient I could have fixed the ten thousand problems I have in my life. How undeserving some people are of the things they are given makes me bitter, I hate to admit it, but it is the truth. I can't finish my education at the school I got accepted to because of money. I can't do an internship overseas for my college education because of money. I can't get my own car. I can't afford to see a doctor. But I know I am doing the very best I can, and that gives me peace of mind. But man oh man, if I had been given that amount of money for nothing in return, it would have made a massive difference in my life, and in a positive way. She has been given so much money from everyone (including myself), and she throws it away. I never ask for help, I can't- because if I did I would get rejected. Wherever the animosity comes from, I don't know. Why my family doesn't take an interest in my life I don't know. I feel like it is because I am my mother's child I am automatically wearing a scarlet letter.
[][] Fuck it all I guess.