[][]The 180 and the Reason to Wake Up[][]
[][] Lately things have been looking up. I had to think in retrospect for a bit- about my past and the shit I have done and the people I used to associate with. I hated Las Vegas, and I still do- but I realize so much now that I am gone... I don't need anyone else, I don't need some stupid ass boyfriend who will never be what I really need, I don't need fucked up drug addict friends, I don't need to snort speed or coke or drink until I'm retarded every day out of boredom; some sick overcompensation for whatever it was I had been missing... I guess was missing myself. I knew who I was but I rejected it anyways. But I'm slowly shedding that front I once had with every day life and I can finally just relax and enjoy things for what they are. I have made some awesome friends, real fucking people who have learned from the shit they have been through, who give me REAL advice, and have had to do some growing up just like I have, and still are. I don't miss my ex anymore, and I don't care about all the bullshit I once did care about. It all seems so long ago, the nights at Tuna's old apartment... Doing the same bullshit every day, redundancy at it's worst. I can finally take things as they come, at a normal pace, where I'm not frantic or sick or worried about the next traumatic event which may come my way. I'm so happy I detatched myself from so many people I used to call "friends", when half of them barely notice I am gone. There is hardly a day that goes by where I am not grateful to have gotten out of that city. I am better than that... that rediculous nothingness which almost killed me, and giving pieces of myself to people who threw them away. I'm still young, but I'm wiser- and I'm better at reading inbetween the lines, when I see that the lines themselves are nothing but nonsense. [][]
[][] I met a really nice guy, and I have no problem with taking it slow. I don't need an insta-boyfriend, and I don't want to dive into something serious right now- I just want to test the waters and learn about this person before I go all fucking balls to the wall. I don't want to rush things like I did before, and I definately don't want to end up with someone as worthless as before. I just want to be careful and at the same time not push amazing people away. He is probably the nicest guy I have met so far. I'm not going to lie, I like him a lot- but there's a grip I still don't know about him... But hey, that's all good with me... Taking it slow is really half of the fun. [][]
[][] I have to stop slacking in school though. At least it is only the first quarter, it is just taking me a while to pick up the pace. But I'm getting back on track :0 Hah. I have no desire to ever go back to Vegas. For any reason. Except to see my parents, and a couple people I left behind. :( other than that, everything is in it's normal chaotic, beautiful state. And I am here, never even knowing what tomorrow is going to deliver. And I love it. [][]
[][]Savannah[][]