I had the dry run yesterday (literally)
Yesterday afternoon, shortly before rush hour, I got a call from the transplant hospital. "Be on alert' they said. A little later I got the 'come down' call. They wanted to know how long it would take, and I said 4 hours - time to throw a few things in a bag and fight rush hour traffic across town. As we were throwing stuff in a bag, they called back and said 4 hours was too long, and we needed to make it two since the surgeon was worried about how long the pancreas would last. So we scrambled and did only the most necessary things (called faesdeynia to feed the cats, put gas in the car sine there wasn't enought to get to SA) and crawled across town at the height of rush hour.
It still took us almost 4 hours to get there. Traffic is bad in Austin.
Anyhow, as soon as I got there, they took a HUGE amount of blood, then walked me over to get a chest x-ray, the escorted me to a room on the transplant ward, where I got an EKG. Meanwhile, I was begging for a few minutes to do an exchange.
They finally had me on the phone with a nephrologist (one I'd never talked to before), who told me to just drain and then do 'dry' for the rest of the night. They finally decided I could eat a little something, and told me that unless something bad happened, I would have surgery at 7:30 this morning - right after the stress test.
Meanwhile, they came in periodically to check my vital signs. They decided my bp was too high, so gave me something for it. Immediately my arm started burning below the IV, and gradually my throat felt like it was closing. The Rapid Response Team was called in, and I got a big does of benadryl, which helped with the burning, but did nothing to make my throst feel open. I had horrible muscle cramps, and tremors, and still felt like I coulfn't breathe. So they gave me a breathing treatment, and some Ativan, but by then I was in full blown panic attack.
(I really hate how they tell you to slow your breathing down when you're telling them you can't.)
The surgeon came in and started pressuring me to make a decision - pass or got through the surgery. I was still panicking, so didn't feel like I could make a rational decision, but it needed to be made to save the pancreas, so eventually I broke and said I couldn't do it. Someone else got 'my' transplant, but I just couldn't do it then. I hope they have wonderful success with it.
So the transplant team wants me to talk to their psychiatrist before I get another shot at it. I'm gonna ask him to make Ativan a standing order if I go down again.
So they did let me come home this morning, but they made me miss *3* exchanged yesterday, and they wouldn't let me take my long acting insulin last night. (Because they didn't want it to cause problems after I got the new pancreas). But since I didn't get the tranplsnt, I fell like ass. My blood sugars have been over 300 all day no matter how much shot acting insulin I throw at it, and I feel like I've been beat up by experts - everything aches. Oh, and I slept horribly last night due to hospital beds, scratchy sheets, and nerves.
And yes, I'm kicking myself for not going through with it. I have never had a panic attack before, and I have a bit of self loathing right ow because of it. It's going to take some time to get over it.
It still took us almost 4 hours to get there. Traffic is bad in Austin.
Anyhow, as soon as I got there, they took a HUGE amount of blood, then walked me over to get a chest x-ray, the escorted me to a room on the transplant ward, where I got an EKG. Meanwhile, I was begging for a few minutes to do an exchange.
They finally had me on the phone with a nephrologist (one I'd never talked to before), who told me to just drain and then do 'dry' for the rest of the night. They finally decided I could eat a little something, and told me that unless something bad happened, I would have surgery at 7:30 this morning - right after the stress test.
Meanwhile, they came in periodically to check my vital signs. They decided my bp was too high, so gave me something for it. Immediately my arm started burning below the IV, and gradually my throat felt like it was closing. The Rapid Response Team was called in, and I got a big does of benadryl, which helped with the burning, but did nothing to make my throst feel open. I had horrible muscle cramps, and tremors, and still felt like I coulfn't breathe. So they gave me a breathing treatment, and some Ativan, but by then I was in full blown panic attack.
(I really hate how they tell you to slow your breathing down when you're telling them you can't.)
The surgeon came in and started pressuring me to make a decision - pass or got through the surgery. I was still panicking, so didn't feel like I could make a rational decision, but it needed to be made to save the pancreas, so eventually I broke and said I couldn't do it. Someone else got 'my' transplant, but I just couldn't do it then. I hope they have wonderful success with it.
So the transplant team wants me to talk to their psychiatrist before I get another shot at it. I'm gonna ask him to make Ativan a standing order if I go down again.
So they did let me come home this morning, but they made me miss *3* exchanged yesterday, and they wouldn't let me take my long acting insulin last night. (Because they didn't want it to cause problems after I got the new pancreas). But since I didn't get the tranplsnt, I fell like ass. My blood sugars have been over 300 all day no matter how much shot acting insulin I throw at it, and I feel like I've been beat up by experts - everything aches. Oh, and I slept horribly last night due to hospital beds, scratchy sheets, and nerves.
And yes, I'm kicking myself for not going through with it. I have never had a panic attack before, and I have a bit of self loathing right ow because of it. It's going to take some time to get over it.