To Serve and Protect - Chapter 7
Title: To Serve and Protect
Pairing: Batman/Gordon
Rating: (eventual) NC-17
Summary: The beginning of the partnership that would change the face of Gotham.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately. Can’t imagine what I’d do with these two sexy men if they were left in my delicate care…
Chapter links are under the cut.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Title: To Serve and Protect
Chapter Seven
Summary: Gordon is reminded that all good things must come to an end.
Barbara wasn’t pleased.
Gordon could tell - he’d been married to the woman for a decade and it wasn’t hard to see when she was unhappy. As he had trooped in from the front stoop he’d tried to decide what to say, if he should explain. He thought grouchily to himself that Batman could have stuck around a few minutes longer to help.
He needn’t have bothered though, as the minute he began to ascend the steps Barbara turned and vanished further into the house. Gordon stopped at the entranceway, reluctant and ashamed. Nothing had happened, or would happen, but if the thought was the deed, he was definitely guilty.
But, he told himself, it wasn’t, and that was all that mattered. Resolute, he pushed open the front door.
Two whirlwinds of energy hit him, one after the other - pow, pow - and he dropped to his knees painfully, wrapping his children in his arms like the precious gifts they were.
"Dad!" They exclaimed, and he was warmed by their excitement. They looked like Christmas had come early.
"Jimmy, Barb, I missed you both so much," he said honestly, hugging them as hard as he could manage. They reciprocated and he suppressed a grimace, feeling his injuries flare up. It was worth the pain. They were worth any pain.
"Dad, is it true you were with Batman?" Jimmy asked excitedly, tugging at his father’s shirtsleeve. Gordon blinked. "We heard mom talking to him on the phone, and she said you were together and not to worry. But we couldn’t help it; we were so worried! Are you okay? Is he okay? Is he coming back?" His daughter kept piping in with her own two cents, garbling their speech until it began to give Gordon a headache. He shook his head.
"You’re not okay?" Jimmy gasped, looking horrified and Gordon quickly corrected him.
"I’m fine. He’s fine. Jimmy, you know you’re not supposed to talk about him, in case anyone overhears, right?"
Jimmy looked a combination of shamefaced and defiant. "Right, yeah, I know, but you were gone a whole week, and with him, and I just thought-"
"I know son," he said, ruffling his hair affectionately. It occurred to him that whatever else happened, Batman would always have a fan in his son. It made Gordon feel a little less awkward about his own sense of hero-worship and friendship with the vigilante.
"Something happened that Batman and I had to fix, and we’re still fixing it. I’m sorry I was away so long; I wanted to call, but I was so busy." Truthfully, after that single attempt, he’d been a little afraid his phone might be tapped. He looked around. "What time is it?"
Both children looked guilty.
"Um. Eleven I think, dad." Barb had already slipped from his arms, anticipating what was coming. Gordon had no doubt that neither of them would actually sleep for some time yet, but it was well past their actual bedtimes. He looked at them sternly, gathering them up once more and then setting them on their feet. Curiously he felt the obsessive need to hold them, lock them away from life and its dangers, had - not vanished, but diminished. He felt, he realized, more at peace than he could remember being for a long time; as though the enormous burden he shouldered had been lessened, or shared. It was an interesting observation for a man under a death threat.
But no time to think on it at the moment. "To bed with you both," he said sternly, kissing Barb on the cheek and sending her off. He patted Jimmy’s shoulder one last time.
"Night, dad!" They piped, looking happy and excited and exhausted all at once, and vanished down the hall.
Gordon smiled after them, content, then took a slow breath and let it out, gearing up for the battle still ahead. He turned to head to the kitchen but Barbara was already standing in the doorway, looking wary and hard and unapproachable.
"So," she said.
"So," he echoed. Silence followed. "Barbara, I’m sorry-"
"Don’t," she said, and it wasn’t angry, or even sad, just tired. Gordon ached to think he’d put that tone in her voice. "Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for Jim. At least do me that courtesy."
He winced. "Alright. I’m not sorry for the last couple days, but I’m sorry if they were hard on you."
"If?" She mimicked, laughing hollowly. "If. Jim, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to exhaust myself into sleeping without nightmares and right when I need you most, you disappear, with him-" She stopped, hugging herself, a sadness falling over her like a shroud. Gordon took a step toward her, wanting to pull her to him, but she held up a restraining hand.
"I know," she interrupted him before he could speak. "I know that whatever happened, it was necessary, and safe, and the best you could do, but Jim, it’s not enough."
"Barbara-"
"No, let me finish. I’ve had all week to think about this Jim. I feel like I don’t know you anymore, like anytime you let me in on the important parts of your life, I’m just visiting. You’re my husband and you cut me out Jim."
"I-"
"No." She held up a warning hand and he subsided, unsure what he’d been going to say anyway. He knew she wasn’t just talking about this last week. Barbara loved him - if she’d thought his safety depended on his absence she wouldn’t hold it against him. That wasn’t the issue here.
"I married a cop. I knew what I was getting into. But I didn’t marry into this; you’re obsessed Jim. You’re obsessed with this city and you’re obsessed with him."
"I’m not," he protested, feeling as though he were under fire. "It’s not an obsession, it’s a responsibility. Someone has to stand against injustice. Dent’s dead, Batman’s been exiled, I can’t trust any of the cops at the precinct; there’s no one left Barbara!" He could feel his own frustrations starting to overwhelm him; neither of them was in the right spot to be having this conversation but there were having it nonetheless.
"But why does it have to be you?" She pleaded, looking like a woman who’d asked herself the same question a thousand times. "Why?"
"There’s no one else!"
"Then let the city burn!"
In the shocked silence that descended he couldn’t hear a sound from upstairs, which probably meant the kids had heard the whole thing. Great, he thought numbly, just one more thing.
"I can’t do that," he said at last, defeated. How could he ask her to see it from his point of view when she had the right of it? She wanted the family she’d been promised, the peace she had a right to, and he couldn’t give it to her.
"I can’t do this, Jim," she whispered, slumping against the seat. She looked like the words were eating her alive. They were eating Gordon alive. "I can’t watch you tear yourself up over a city that will bury you. Someone is trying to kill you Jim, my God. Can’t you see that even if you can make this go away, even if you stop them, there will always be someone else trying to do what they failed to?"
"They won’t," he promised, knowing it was rash, but he was desperate. "We’ll stop them-"
"You can’t stop them all."
"I can. We can."
"We." She snarled bitterly, almost laughing. He stopped. "Did you plan to stop the Joker with him too, Jim? Did he know what you couldn’t even tell your wife? How can it feel like you share more of yourself with this one man than with me? You don’t even know him!"
"I didn’t tell him," he gasped, for the first time wondering what his supposed death must have done to the Batman. When he’d heard the news, how had he reacted? Had he been devastated, angry, indifferent? Gordon knew he was the man’s one connection to the city, his partner, for lack of a better word; he had no doubt that if Batman died, if he were alone in this fight again, he’d feel crippled, completely without hope. When he’d been hiding in police headquarters he’d spent endless hours thinking about his family, hoping they were safe, praying they’d understand. He hadn’t given a thought to the dark knight, and now he was glad he hadn’t. Barbara’s reaction had been enough to think about.
"Barbara, it’s not what you’re thinking." Whatever that was. "We work together. He saved my life."
"I know that. Don’t think I don’t know that. He saved Jimmy and I’ll always be grateful for that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how dangerous he is. Every officer in your department would shoot him on sight Jim; if you’re even seen with him you’ll be arrested. Don’t ask me to look the other way while you put yourself, our family, in danger."
"You of all people know better; he doesn’t deserve that, he’s done nothing-"
"I know he doesn’t. And you don’t deserve to go down with him."
"Barbara, don’t, you don’t understand. That’s not going to happen; we won’t let it happen. This city needs him, I need him-"
"More than you need me," she interrupted.
"No-"
"Yes, Jim. You let him in when you cut me out; he’ll stand by you when this city tears you apart. He’s a good man too." She gasped in a wet, shaky breath, struggling as though it broke something inside her to say that. "But it’s not the same, Jim. I want you to come off the ledge, I want you to be safe; he doesn’t want you to stop, he’s stepping out there with you. And I don’t even know if that’s a terrible thing, but it’s terrible to me. For our kids. It’s not fair, and you know it."
It felt like there was a ten-ton weight on his chest. He couldn’t breath. "I’m sorry," he said helplessly.
"I know you are," she whispered, and reached for him for the first time. "Come away with us," she pleaded, hand beckoning him in entreaty. He couldn’t move, feeling his heart pounding through his body like a jackhammer. It all felt unreal. Then her words sank in.
"Us?" He rasped, holding himself up against the wall by sheer force of will. He could see it in her eyes now; she meant to take them away from him. Not because she wanted to, or even because she wanted to hurt him as she’d been hurt. Only because she loved them, and even because she loved him, and it was breaking her heart to stay.
She didn’t say anything else. What else was there to say? There was no middle ground; this wasn’t about gray areas. None of them would ever be truly safe in Gotham. He couldn’t leave the city to destroy itself and she couldn’t stay here while it did.
They wouldn’t leave now. They couldn’t; there were still months left in the school season. That would mean dozens of times when they’d try again, hope to work things out. A hundred evenings where they’d stay up late talking in circles, disappointing each other. A thousand more moments when they’d wonder where it went wrong, how to fix it, and an endless number of times they’d avoid meeting each others eyes for the pain until they just stopped looking at each other altogether.
It hadn’t happened yet; it wouldn’t happen soon. But it was going to happen. And a part of Jim Gordon was going to wither and die when it did.
*Note: I know that in most (all?) of the original Batman storylines Gordon and Barbara divorce, so I don't feel quite so bad about using it as an early plot-device.
Pairing: Batman/Gordon
Rating: (eventual) NC-17
Summary: The beginning of the partnership that would change the face of Gotham.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately. Can’t imagine what I’d do with these two sexy men if they were left in my delicate care…
Chapter links are under the cut.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Title: To Serve and Protect
Chapter Seven
Summary: Gordon is reminded that all good things must come to an end.
Barbara wasn’t pleased.
Gordon could tell - he’d been married to the woman for a decade and it wasn’t hard to see when she was unhappy. As he had trooped in from the front stoop he’d tried to decide what to say, if he should explain. He thought grouchily to himself that Batman could have stuck around a few minutes longer to help.
He needn’t have bothered though, as the minute he began to ascend the steps Barbara turned and vanished further into the house. Gordon stopped at the entranceway, reluctant and ashamed. Nothing had happened, or would happen, but if the thought was the deed, he was definitely guilty.
But, he told himself, it wasn’t, and that was all that mattered. Resolute, he pushed open the front door.
Two whirlwinds of energy hit him, one after the other - pow, pow - and he dropped to his knees painfully, wrapping his children in his arms like the precious gifts they were.
"Dad!" They exclaimed, and he was warmed by their excitement. They looked like Christmas had come early.
"Jimmy, Barb, I missed you both so much," he said honestly, hugging them as hard as he could manage. They reciprocated and he suppressed a grimace, feeling his injuries flare up. It was worth the pain. They were worth any pain.
"Dad, is it true you were with Batman?" Jimmy asked excitedly, tugging at his father’s shirtsleeve. Gordon blinked. "We heard mom talking to him on the phone, and she said you were together and not to worry. But we couldn’t help it; we were so worried! Are you okay? Is he okay? Is he coming back?" His daughter kept piping in with her own two cents, garbling their speech until it began to give Gordon a headache. He shook his head.
"You’re not okay?" Jimmy gasped, looking horrified and Gordon quickly corrected him.
"I’m fine. He’s fine. Jimmy, you know you’re not supposed to talk about him, in case anyone overhears, right?"
Jimmy looked a combination of shamefaced and defiant. "Right, yeah, I know, but you were gone a whole week, and with him, and I just thought-"
"I know son," he said, ruffling his hair affectionately. It occurred to him that whatever else happened, Batman would always have a fan in his son. It made Gordon feel a little less awkward about his own sense of hero-worship and friendship with the vigilante.
"Something happened that Batman and I had to fix, and we’re still fixing it. I’m sorry I was away so long; I wanted to call, but I was so busy." Truthfully, after that single attempt, he’d been a little afraid his phone might be tapped. He looked around. "What time is it?"
Both children looked guilty.
"Um. Eleven I think, dad." Barb had already slipped from his arms, anticipating what was coming. Gordon had no doubt that neither of them would actually sleep for some time yet, but it was well past their actual bedtimes. He looked at them sternly, gathering them up once more and then setting them on their feet. Curiously he felt the obsessive need to hold them, lock them away from life and its dangers, had - not vanished, but diminished. He felt, he realized, more at peace than he could remember being for a long time; as though the enormous burden he shouldered had been lessened, or shared. It was an interesting observation for a man under a death threat.
But no time to think on it at the moment. "To bed with you both," he said sternly, kissing Barb on the cheek and sending her off. He patted Jimmy’s shoulder one last time.
"Night, dad!" They piped, looking happy and excited and exhausted all at once, and vanished down the hall.
Gordon smiled after them, content, then took a slow breath and let it out, gearing up for the battle still ahead. He turned to head to the kitchen but Barbara was already standing in the doorway, looking wary and hard and unapproachable.
"So," she said.
"So," he echoed. Silence followed. "Barbara, I’m sorry-"
"Don’t," she said, and it wasn’t angry, or even sad, just tired. Gordon ached to think he’d put that tone in her voice. "Don’t apologize for something you’re not sorry for Jim. At least do me that courtesy."
He winced. "Alright. I’m not sorry for the last couple days, but I’m sorry if they were hard on you."
"If?" She mimicked, laughing hollowly. "If. Jim, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to exhaust myself into sleeping without nightmares and right when I need you most, you disappear, with him-" She stopped, hugging herself, a sadness falling over her like a shroud. Gordon took a step toward her, wanting to pull her to him, but she held up a restraining hand.
"I know," she interrupted him before he could speak. "I know that whatever happened, it was necessary, and safe, and the best you could do, but Jim, it’s not enough."
"Barbara-"
"No, let me finish. I’ve had all week to think about this Jim. I feel like I don’t know you anymore, like anytime you let me in on the important parts of your life, I’m just visiting. You’re my husband and you cut me out Jim."
"I-"
"No." She held up a warning hand and he subsided, unsure what he’d been going to say anyway. He knew she wasn’t just talking about this last week. Barbara loved him - if she’d thought his safety depended on his absence she wouldn’t hold it against him. That wasn’t the issue here.
"I married a cop. I knew what I was getting into. But I didn’t marry into this; you’re obsessed Jim. You’re obsessed with this city and you’re obsessed with him."
"I’m not," he protested, feeling as though he were under fire. "It’s not an obsession, it’s a responsibility. Someone has to stand against injustice. Dent’s dead, Batman’s been exiled, I can’t trust any of the cops at the precinct; there’s no one left Barbara!" He could feel his own frustrations starting to overwhelm him; neither of them was in the right spot to be having this conversation but there were having it nonetheless.
"But why does it have to be you?" She pleaded, looking like a woman who’d asked herself the same question a thousand times. "Why?"
"There’s no one else!"
"Then let the city burn!"
In the shocked silence that descended he couldn’t hear a sound from upstairs, which probably meant the kids had heard the whole thing. Great, he thought numbly, just one more thing.
"I can’t do that," he said at last, defeated. How could he ask her to see it from his point of view when she had the right of it? She wanted the family she’d been promised, the peace she had a right to, and he couldn’t give it to her.
"I can’t do this, Jim," she whispered, slumping against the seat. She looked like the words were eating her alive. They were eating Gordon alive. "I can’t watch you tear yourself up over a city that will bury you. Someone is trying to kill you Jim, my God. Can’t you see that even if you can make this go away, even if you stop them, there will always be someone else trying to do what they failed to?"
"They won’t," he promised, knowing it was rash, but he was desperate. "We’ll stop them-"
"You can’t stop them all."
"I can. We can."
"We." She snarled bitterly, almost laughing. He stopped. "Did you plan to stop the Joker with him too, Jim? Did he know what you couldn’t even tell your wife? How can it feel like you share more of yourself with this one man than with me? You don’t even know him!"
"I didn’t tell him," he gasped, for the first time wondering what his supposed death must have done to the Batman. When he’d heard the news, how had he reacted? Had he been devastated, angry, indifferent? Gordon knew he was the man’s one connection to the city, his partner, for lack of a better word; he had no doubt that if Batman died, if he were alone in this fight again, he’d feel crippled, completely without hope. When he’d been hiding in police headquarters he’d spent endless hours thinking about his family, hoping they were safe, praying they’d understand. He hadn’t given a thought to the dark knight, and now he was glad he hadn’t. Barbara’s reaction had been enough to think about.
"Barbara, it’s not what you’re thinking." Whatever that was. "We work together. He saved my life."
"I know that. Don’t think I don’t know that. He saved Jimmy and I’ll always be grateful for that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how dangerous he is. Every officer in your department would shoot him on sight Jim; if you’re even seen with him you’ll be arrested. Don’t ask me to look the other way while you put yourself, our family, in danger."
"You of all people know better; he doesn’t deserve that, he’s done nothing-"
"I know he doesn’t. And you don’t deserve to go down with him."
"Barbara, don’t, you don’t understand. That’s not going to happen; we won’t let it happen. This city needs him, I need him-"
"More than you need me," she interrupted.
"No-"
"Yes, Jim. You let him in when you cut me out; he’ll stand by you when this city tears you apart. He’s a good man too." She gasped in a wet, shaky breath, struggling as though it broke something inside her to say that. "But it’s not the same, Jim. I want you to come off the ledge, I want you to be safe; he doesn’t want you to stop, he’s stepping out there with you. And I don’t even know if that’s a terrible thing, but it’s terrible to me. For our kids. It’s not fair, and you know it."
It felt like there was a ten-ton weight on his chest. He couldn’t breath. "I’m sorry," he said helplessly.
"I know you are," she whispered, and reached for him for the first time. "Come away with us," she pleaded, hand beckoning him in entreaty. He couldn’t move, feeling his heart pounding through his body like a jackhammer. It all felt unreal. Then her words sank in.
"Us?" He rasped, holding himself up against the wall by sheer force of will. He could see it in her eyes now; she meant to take them away from him. Not because she wanted to, or even because she wanted to hurt him as she’d been hurt. Only because she loved them, and even because she loved him, and it was breaking her heart to stay.
She didn’t say anything else. What else was there to say? There was no middle ground; this wasn’t about gray areas. None of them would ever be truly safe in Gotham. He couldn’t leave the city to destroy itself and she couldn’t stay here while it did.
They wouldn’t leave now. They couldn’t; there were still months left in the school season. That would mean dozens of times when they’d try again, hope to work things out. A hundred evenings where they’d stay up late talking in circles, disappointing each other. A thousand more moments when they’d wonder where it went wrong, how to fix it, and an endless number of times they’d avoid meeting each others eyes for the pain until they just stopped looking at each other altogether.
It hadn’t happened yet; it wouldn’t happen soon. But it was going to happen. And a part of Jim Gordon was going to wither and die when it did.
*Note: I know that in most (all?) of the original Batman storylines Gordon and Barbara divorce, so I don't feel quite so bad about using it as an early plot-device.