Self-Reflective Post. Blah.
Something has been exciting me, bothering me, and making me almost anxious, lately. I have decided that basically, I don't want my life to be this:
"In the mass movement into suburban areas, a new kind of community was produced...:a multitude of uniform, unidentifiable houses, lined up inflexibly, at uniform distances, on uniform roads, in a treeless communal waste, inhabited by people of the same class, the same income, the same age group, witnessing the same television performances, eating the same tasteless pre-fabricated foods, from the same freezers, conforming in every outward and inward respect to a common mold, manufactured in the central metropolis." -Lewis Mumford
I don't want that, and I like to think that a life such as that is actually avoidable...
I guess the reason behind my nervous energy lately, is the fact that I realize I am growing up now, and my times of the idealistic academic life, while not necessarily coming to an end, are beginning to draw closer to the conclusion. I must find what I like and find some way to harness that which thrills me, into a way to form a fulfilling life that will not look anything like the one above. And, it is my belief, that lacking talent or excellence in anything specific (unless you consider procrastination an art form), I will definitely need some accreditation, i.e. some grad school degree in something I like, in order to legitmize my pursuing a career in whatever it is that I decide to do. I also feel (though this is not the case for everyone), that my biggest chance of not having to live that terrible and predictable life is found in a career that will give me access to resources (whether it be people or money or knowledge) that will keep me at least, somewhat distant from it.
Don't get me wrong: I like finding patterns in everything, and I think routine facilitates efficiency, and predictability can be comforting and add stability, but there are some patterns and routines I just don't want in my life, ever.
I guess more and more I am realizing that I am in charge of my future and that in the end, I am the only one who will be able to give myself what I want out of life and that now more than ever, I have to start taking charge of it. All my life, things have been taken care of for me (whether at my request or not and usually it was NOT requested- I didn't even get to pick what colleges I applied to) and basically, my focus has been on learning survival skills (this is a treaacherous world, I think).
It is time now, for me to actually actively engage in shaping my life in more substantial ways than I have ever had to before. And I guess, that's scary and exciting...but mostly, scary. I don't want to fail...
It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. ~Herman Melville
If ever I feel overwhelmed or discouraged, I will try to think of that quote...
"In the mass movement into suburban areas, a new kind of community was produced...:a multitude of uniform, unidentifiable houses, lined up inflexibly, at uniform distances, on uniform roads, in a treeless communal waste, inhabited by people of the same class, the same income, the same age group, witnessing the same television performances, eating the same tasteless pre-fabricated foods, from the same freezers, conforming in every outward and inward respect to a common mold, manufactured in the central metropolis." -Lewis Mumford
I don't want that, and I like to think that a life such as that is actually avoidable...
I guess the reason behind my nervous energy lately, is the fact that I realize I am growing up now, and my times of the idealistic academic life, while not necessarily coming to an end, are beginning to draw closer to the conclusion. I must find what I like and find some way to harness that which thrills me, into a way to form a fulfilling life that will not look anything like the one above. And, it is my belief, that lacking talent or excellence in anything specific (unless you consider procrastination an art form), I will definitely need some accreditation, i.e. some grad school degree in something I like, in order to legitmize my pursuing a career in whatever it is that I decide to do. I also feel (though this is not the case for everyone), that my biggest chance of not having to live that terrible and predictable life is found in a career that will give me access to resources (whether it be people or money or knowledge) that will keep me at least, somewhat distant from it.
Don't get me wrong: I like finding patterns in everything, and I think routine facilitates efficiency, and predictability can be comforting and add stability, but there are some patterns and routines I just don't want in my life, ever.
I guess more and more I am realizing that I am in charge of my future and that in the end, I am the only one who will be able to give myself what I want out of life and that now more than ever, I have to start taking charge of it. All my life, things have been taken care of for me (whether at my request or not and usually it was NOT requested- I didn't even get to pick what colleges I applied to) and basically, my focus has been on learning survival skills (this is a treaacherous world, I think).
It is time now, for me to actually actively engage in shaping my life in more substantial ways than I have ever had to before. And I guess, that's scary and exciting...but mostly, scary. I don't want to fail...
It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. ~Herman Melville
If ever I feel overwhelmed or discouraged, I will try to think of that quote...