This is the soundtrack to my suicide...
I have a post about myspace annoyances I'm still working on (It's an ongoing battle I'm in with some retard on there)..and I was hoping that my next post would be about that..
..but then..i found this site....and I felt that it was worth talking about...
What do you get when you take 9 underage girls with bad pre-fabricated names and have them record an album full of shitty covers of already shitty songs with the professionalism of a bad karaoke bar?
GIRL AUTHORITY ! aka "GA"
http://www.girlauthority.com/
Thats right kids...you too can hear they're renditions of everything from "Dancing queen:" to "Hollaback girl".
I lost track of how many horrid renditions they butchered on their main page, but this site is like a virtual train wreck...so so horrible..but I just can't look away! I stay logged on to it just to hear what travesty of a song plays next!!
So lets here it for the 9 minors who are inevitably doomed and individually known as::
Alex Fashion (the obvious "sure thing" of the group)
Tarr Rock n' Roll (The future shoplifter)
Jaquiline Allstar (I COULD be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure this one is a dude)
Gina Urban (Wow. Who would have thought. The only non pure-white as snow one in the bunch has the name "urban")
Zoe Preppy (Yeah, of course preppy gets front and center. Oh, and look at that, shes not only the most republican of the bunch, but the youngest)
Crystal Country (She's going to be a lesbian)
Kate Party (Her image alone screams "Future Alcoholic")
Jess BoHo (Will off herself in her mid 20's after years of personal torment of being the least popular one of the bunch, and for having the lamest name)
Carly Glamour (Just waiting on that phone call from Vivid!)
Correct me if I'm mistaken. Didn't the whole "girl power" spice girls thing die years ago? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a musical troupe of all girls emerging from the folds of the music underworld and showing the world that they too can kick ass, but this is nothing more than a corporate pre-fabricated attempt of brainwashing young impressionable girls into a lifetime of insecurity and false identities. Which brings me to my next observation...they are all WHITE! I'd be far less offended if they had at least one black and one asian, maybe even a hindu in the mix. Nope! I guess thats not an important target for them, after all...it seems apparent that this group will be used in some fashion to sway future voters into a lifestyle of republican standards, and thus...a mostly white audience. They were aiming for diversity by mixing different styles, but failed miserably. Girls like that would never get along in real life (and I'm pretty positive they don't get along in the real group either), and I could only imagine how well they're parents are coping with one another as well (doing the math, assuming they each have 2 parents, thats 18 adults gathered in a room with only one thing in common..the selling of their daughter).
This is truly a recipe for disaster. Didn't we learn anything from the new mickey mouse club? When you put kids into the spotlight, you increase their chances of turning to a life of drug abuse, alcoholism, and violent crimes (Thats right, I'm looking at you Lindsey Lohan!). I really hope this "band" doesn't ever get popular enough to make some real money, these kids need REAL jobs, and in turn..real lives. The sad part is, this gimic always works out for the record labels in the end. They'll wagon in TONS of cash, and throw about 10% back to the 9 kids to split among themselves, and I'm sure their contracts are pretty nicely swayed in favor against the performers, so there can be no disputing the unfair sway of funds.
I could predict the future for these girls. One of them will get all Diva on the rest and decide to go solo (My money is on Tarr Rock N' Roll), and thus destroying the foundation of what made them "complete". That will be the end of them, but it won't happen until they reach about 15 years of age (and they one by one give up their virginity to skeezy industry people). They will have a 6 year shelf life, and then never be heard from again.
Wait a minute, I have an idea!! I should gather a group of 9 underage boys (ok..wow..that sounds wrong on SO many levels), and form my own "super group", and call them "Boy School!" (since I think it's a bit pre-mature to call them "The Date Rapists"), and then we can send them on tour with "GA" and call it the "Junior Prom tour!". It'll be cute, they can all date each other's identical stereotype.
I weep for the future. Until next time boys and girls (probably after tour)...