I am stupid.
Translation of a HeartBeat
Ba-thump. Ba-thump. womb count it out conception 1 2 9 ready go
Ba-thump. choke on tears milk soiled no something else now youll never get to sleep
Ba-thump. woken once again crawling walking falling running stumbling growing
Ba-thump ba-thump ba-thump firsts lasts inbetween pictures memory boxes with teddy bears sneakers
Ba-thump Ba-thump kisses drugs sex boys girls friends lovers fights hate lonely happy never same thing twice
Ba-thump. Love marriage start again bathump bathump womb 1 2 9 go go go work sleep dinner dishes love
Ba-thump. Ba-thump. God or Not. Ba-thump. Heaven Hell Dust Dirt Stars Not.
Ba-thump. End
Yeah, I know. I'm really retarded. I'm also really bored, but too lazy to do anything about that. I still have a few people i need to see before I leave, but it's become apparent to me that this task is going to become excrutiating with my sudden streak of a returning depression, headaches, and an electrical heated mattress. On top of that, I'm hungry.
I weigh 135.5 lbs. I think that's the first time I've ever had the balls to publicize my weight. I'm 5'0 and weigh 135.5 lbs. I have fluff to lose, but I've also lost over 15 pounds since the end of 1st semester last year. So I'm proud of myself. My mom and I watched the Next Top Model marathon yesterday, for lack of anything better to do. A lot of those models are 5'8 plus and weigh between 110 and 120 lbs. The girl who weighed 138 lbs at 5'9" was the first to get kicked off because she was, quote, " a side of beef." .... Television really knows how to make a girl feel bad about herself. Bitches. 135.5 and counting. Put me down about my weight and I'll eat you.
/rant
I really miss having Brandon around. He and I could bitch about anything every single day and never get tired of it. I wish he wasn't all the way in Boston, the distance is depressing. Oh well.
Twilight Zone New Year's marathon on Sci-Fi. Old school shit, I love it. Is it really sad that I have no plans for tonight? Yes, probably. Oh well. I'm lazy. And Hungry. And I have a headache.
Sorry I haven't been online recently. I suck at life. Love me anyway.
FYI: Jesse and I are going on 9 months, come January 6th. Hurray for him for putting up with me for so long. Hurray for me that he has. I love him so much. You don't even know. Well, maybe you do.
Things I've discovered about myself in the past year:
+/- I'm more tempted to eat just because when I'm angry, sad, bored, or lonely. While it's a bad habit, it's a good thing to realize about yourself. Now every time I pick up something to eat, I ask myself, "Am I really hungry?" It's helped a whole lot.
+ I really enjoy riding my bicycle with Jess and Lindsay. I get to keep my bike in Jess's room since he has no roommate, and we'll get to ride a lot next semester.
+/- I work way harder in the Ketner COmputer Lab than i ever do in my room. Yay for finding somewhere I can sit down and work - Nay for it being so far from my dorm. Not like anywhere on campus is really THAT far from my dorm, but I'm still going to bitch.
- I'm obsessive about jesse and my friends. I'm obsessive about my cat. Okay, cats.
- I like to spend money. This is why I usually don't have any.
+ I've got a real talent for making jewelry. This earns me money (refer to previous statement)
+ I have a savings account in NY which I can't touch unless mom gives me access (refer to previous two statements)
- I get really pissy about selling back my books to the bookstore because I never make nearly as much money as Jesse. Stupid boy.
+ I found 20 dollars on the ground after bitching about only making 45 dollars from sellback at the end of this semester. (refer to previous statement). God loves me?
+/- I'm way more sentimental about family than I ever thought i was. Hurray for emotion. Nay for overreaction.
+/- I love Jesse Frank. Hurray for us. Nay for everybody else. Apparently people resent us and our relationship. Oh well. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
+ Lindsay and I are a lot a like and we've gotten much closer over this past summer and semester. I'm glad she's my roommate and I love her to pieces. I wish I could make her happy. Mattie too.
+/- My future is not as cement as I wanted it to be. That's life, I'll get over it, and it could be worth the adventure.
Okay ---- that's enough. Time to fly.
-Me
Ba-thump. Ba-thump. womb count it out conception 1 2 9 ready go
Ba-thump. choke on tears milk soiled no something else now youll never get to sleep
Ba-thump. woken once again crawling walking falling running stumbling growing
Ba-thump ba-thump ba-thump firsts lasts inbetween pictures memory boxes with teddy bears sneakers
Ba-thump Ba-thump kisses drugs sex boys girls friends lovers fights hate lonely happy never same thing twice
Ba-thump. Love marriage start again bathump bathump womb 1 2 9 go go go work sleep dinner dishes love
Ba-thump. Ba-thump. God or Not. Ba-thump. Heaven Hell Dust Dirt Stars Not.
Ba-thump. End
Yeah, I know. I'm really retarded. I'm also really bored, but too lazy to do anything about that. I still have a few people i need to see before I leave, but it's become apparent to me that this task is going to become excrutiating with my sudden streak of a returning depression, headaches, and an electrical heated mattress. On top of that, I'm hungry.
I weigh 135.5 lbs. I think that's the first time I've ever had the balls to publicize my weight. I'm 5'0 and weigh 135.5 lbs. I have fluff to lose, but I've also lost over 15 pounds since the end of 1st semester last year. So I'm proud of myself. My mom and I watched the Next Top Model marathon yesterday, for lack of anything better to do. A lot of those models are 5'8 plus and weigh between 110 and 120 lbs. The girl who weighed 138 lbs at 5'9" was the first to get kicked off because she was, quote, " a side of beef." .... Television really knows how to make a girl feel bad about herself. Bitches. 135.5 and counting. Put me down about my weight and I'll eat you.
/rant
I really miss having Brandon around. He and I could bitch about anything every single day and never get tired of it. I wish he wasn't all the way in Boston, the distance is depressing. Oh well.
Twilight Zone New Year's marathon on Sci-Fi. Old school shit, I love it. Is it really sad that I have no plans for tonight? Yes, probably. Oh well. I'm lazy. And Hungry. And I have a headache.
Sorry I haven't been online recently. I suck at life. Love me anyway.
FYI: Jesse and I are going on 9 months, come January 6th. Hurray for him for putting up with me for so long. Hurray for me that he has. I love him so much. You don't even know. Well, maybe you do.
Things I've discovered about myself in the past year:
+/- I'm more tempted to eat just because when I'm angry, sad, bored, or lonely. While it's a bad habit, it's a good thing to realize about yourself. Now every time I pick up something to eat, I ask myself, "Am I really hungry?" It's helped a whole lot.
+ I really enjoy riding my bicycle with Jess and Lindsay. I get to keep my bike in Jess's room since he has no roommate, and we'll get to ride a lot next semester.
+/- I work way harder in the Ketner COmputer Lab than i ever do in my room. Yay for finding somewhere I can sit down and work - Nay for it being so far from my dorm. Not like anywhere on campus is really THAT far from my dorm, but I'm still going to bitch.
- I'm obsessive about jesse and my friends. I'm obsessive about my cat. Okay, cats.
- I like to spend money. This is why I usually don't have any.
+ I've got a real talent for making jewelry. This earns me money (refer to previous statement)
+ I have a savings account in NY which I can't touch unless mom gives me access (refer to previous two statements)
- I get really pissy about selling back my books to the bookstore because I never make nearly as much money as Jesse. Stupid boy.
+ I found 20 dollars on the ground after bitching about only making 45 dollars from sellback at the end of this semester. (refer to previous statement). God loves me?
+/- I'm way more sentimental about family than I ever thought i was. Hurray for emotion. Nay for overreaction.
+/- I love Jesse Frank. Hurray for us. Nay for everybody else. Apparently people resent us and our relationship. Oh well. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
+ Lindsay and I are a lot a like and we've gotten much closer over this past summer and semester. I'm glad she's my roommate and I love her to pieces. I wish I could make her happy. Mattie too.
+/- My future is not as cement as I wanted it to be. That's life, I'll get over it, and it could be worth the adventure.
Okay ---- that's enough. Time to fly.
-Me