Things.
Some things amount to nothing. I know this for fact, since I have seen it play out so many times, people giving great amounts of sacrifice to recieve nothing in return. Then again, I have seen many also give nothing, and gain so much more than they ever would have hoped for.
There in lies the question, what do I need to give up? What is worth it, to sacrifice to gain something else? What parts of me are expendable? What facets of my mind and personality are worth dropping? I'd say none, since they all make me, and to lose one would change me. Others, many others, would say I need the change, so I can attain what I want, what they want me to be. But I am unsure to the fact that I need change. I have always resisted it, and few things have ever really changed for me. The way I think, the way I act, the way I talk, and the ways I work. They have always been like this, just some are always more magnified than others. I have never thought I needed to change, and I still don't.
In many ways though, I have. I'm better than I was. I may still distrust, still hate, still be too cold and reasoning for many's tastes; however, I am smiling again, I laugh, I can be happy, and I can finally feel emotions again. I know for a fact that I've changed somewhat, since I felt so horrible, all those nights ago in the hospital, for the strangest of reasons. If you saw me six months ago, then you know at that time the signifigance of that wouldn't have even made a dent in the walls in my heart. I knew it then, that I had come a long way from where I was. There is probably more minor changes in store, but those will take time. Rushing the process can only lead to more damage, damage that would destroy me again. It would put me back to what I was, which I will never go back to again.
If my change is wanted, and is so nescessary to other people, then if you truly care for me, then you can wait. You can watch, as I change, and be patient, because it won't be swift. It will take time, and it will be long, but the end product will be so much better.
There in lies the question, what do I need to give up? What is worth it, to sacrifice to gain something else? What parts of me are expendable? What facets of my mind and personality are worth dropping? I'd say none, since they all make me, and to lose one would change me. Others, many others, would say I need the change, so I can attain what I want, what they want me to be. But I am unsure to the fact that I need change. I have always resisted it, and few things have ever really changed for me. The way I think, the way I act, the way I talk, and the ways I work. They have always been like this, just some are always more magnified than others. I have never thought I needed to change, and I still don't.
In many ways though, I have. I'm better than I was. I may still distrust, still hate, still be too cold and reasoning for many's tastes; however, I am smiling again, I laugh, I can be happy, and I can finally feel emotions again. I know for a fact that I've changed somewhat, since I felt so horrible, all those nights ago in the hospital, for the strangest of reasons. If you saw me six months ago, then you know at that time the signifigance of that wouldn't have even made a dent in the walls in my heart. I knew it then, that I had come a long way from where I was. There is probably more minor changes in store, but those will take time. Rushing the process can only lead to more damage, damage that would destroy me again. It would put me back to what I was, which I will never go back to again.
If my change is wanted, and is so nescessary to other people, then if you truly care for me, then you can wait. You can watch, as I change, and be patient, because it won't be swift. It will take time, and it will be long, but the end product will be so much better.