(no subject)
not much to report today... didnt sleep well last night atall but i dont know why... oh well at least i dont have to go to work till midday... still annoying though cos even when i got to sleep i kept waking up. but i tend to have the best dreams then, i think its to do with how your body goes into REM state just after sleep and before you wake, and if u r continuoly coming awake then you are proberbly constantly at REM state... never getting into deep sleep.
hmm im blabbering
i reckon i suffer from depersonalisation/derealisation. but it gets worse as the day gets on. i told my parents once that i didnt feel i belonged here and they cried (they thought i meant in the family, what i meant was this 'reality') its like wierd. like im viewing the world through blurryness. especially the evening. yesterday in my evening course the tutor seemed to be shrinking away into the distance as i watched and listened, and everything around me felt like it wasnt there properly... i think ill bring it upto the doctor. it is very strange as it often feels like spiritual enlightenment. other people i read on the net experience panic from it like they are going mad. well i thought i was too for a while, but not so now... its like unreality is quite groovy as its very floaty and i experience the real world when i wake up. ill feel like im part of everything, but at the same time, nothing. the only thing existing is my soul. this maybe explains why i have conversations with myself in my head... its not someone else talking, its ME. i cant explain it. its proberbly not even worth trying.
hmm im blabbering
i reckon i suffer from depersonalisation/derealisation. but it gets worse as the day gets on. i told my parents once that i didnt feel i belonged here and they cried (they thought i meant in the family, what i meant was this 'reality') its like wierd. like im viewing the world through blurryness. especially the evening. yesterday in my evening course the tutor seemed to be shrinking away into the distance as i watched and listened, and everything around me felt like it wasnt there properly... i think ill bring it upto the doctor. it is very strange as it often feels like spiritual enlightenment. other people i read on the net experience panic from it like they are going mad. well i thought i was too for a while, but not so now... its like unreality is quite groovy as its very floaty and i experience the real world when i wake up. ill feel like im part of everything, but at the same time, nothing. the only thing existing is my soul. this maybe explains why i have conversations with myself in my head... its not someone else talking, its ME. i cant explain it. its proberbly not even worth trying.