(no subject)
I'll tell you everything.
I have an entire seven hours till any of my friends come home from school.
So I'll write it all down.
I will.
Okay,
The saturday before last, I was at work,
and all of sudden my tonsils swelled up.
&ever since i've been sick as a dog.
I'm always coughing.
I woke up last night worried.
I'll tell you why I was worried in a wee bit.
&I started choking coughing.
&I guess I fell asleep again,
&I woke up,
I could not talk,
The entire roof of my mouth was paralyed.
My tonsils are acheing like crazy.
So mom asked me if I wanted to stay home,
And I said, "Yes." Obviously.
I think she's taking me to the doctor tonight.
Isn't that swell,
Missing school on the last week of school.
Ughughugh.
If my grades aren't already bad enough.
Romeo&Juliet killed my grade.
I hate Romeo&Juliet.
Sure, a good story line.
But hell if I understand what I'm reading.
fucking, "thy art thou buttshaft art thy mother."
I don't even know what I just said.
Anyways,
Next topic.
My worries.
I know this is uber uber uber pathetic.
I do get attached too easily.
I do.
It's pathetic.
But okay,
You saw how I wrote about this Jordan kid, okay.
I talked to him on the phone saturday night for like an hour and 45 minutes.
I was on webcam,
But I wasn't planning on showing my face,
Because nobody wants to see me after dark, ha.
He told me smile big with braces, I agreed.
I did it.
And the webcam showed his wonderful picture of a pimple on my cheek.
The picture keeps ringing in my head.
&After that, he went silent till I started talking again.
Ugh So embarrassing.
And he hasn't talked to me since.
He's ignoring me.
He was so nice to me.
I sent him at least 5 text messages and he didn't answer to any of them.
I got online, and he very slowly responded.
If I can remember correctly,
DANIEL DID THE SAME THING.
The first couple of days, we'd talk with no pause,
Then they would answer slowly in IM.
Ugh.
Meaning all guys are the same somewhat.
I think Zach did it too.
Maybe it's because after awhile they don't like my personality.
Maybe my personality sucks.
Maybe thats why nobody seems to like me.
Or like it.
You know,
Guys never have crushes on me.
I feel so ugly.
I really do.
No matter how much anyways says I'm not.
I beg differ.
Maybe I'm hideious.
I don't really know.
Because I can only see myself in the mirror.
And I think mirrors lie.
Esp. my mirrors.
At home, I look all great before school.
Then I look in the school mirror and I look like shit.
It may be the flourecent lighting at school.
Whatever it is,
I am hidious.
I'm getting proactive.
I want completely clear skin like Nichole.
She has like perfect skin.
I heard it works good too.
I know I only have like 3 pimples total.
But still.
Without makeup I have red dots everywhere.
wtf.
You know what,
I bet the Lake made me sicker.
+ my eyes were blood shot again today.
hmph.
I should take this day to myself and like do everything possible to look better.
I don't know exactly what to do though.
I've offically decided,
My side profile sucks.
Just to let chya know.
My room didn't stay clean very long after Memere left.
It's a mess again.
God damnit.
I'm a failure.
You know what,
I should tan all day.
It's like 90 something.
Everyone else is at school.
I can be the only one tanning. :)
But I'm sick.
Egh.
nvm.
I have chores I haven't done as well.
I haven't cleaned the bathroom due to work.
I left Jordan a message last night,
Telling to call me and take away my worries of him hateing or ignoring me.
It sounded really despartate.
Egh.
It's hopeless.
He didn't call.
Meaning that he does?
hmph.
This = gaygaygaygaygaygay.
I wish i knew what I did.
If it's the webcam thing.
Then this will suck.
godgodgod.
I hate John Mayer.
He can sing.
But his lyrics suck.
"I wanna run through the halls of my high school, and scream at the TOP OF MY LUNGS."
"Your body is a wonderland."
He's dumbdumbdumb.
Last night I actually had a conversation with Zach.
That didn't end till my bedtime.
omg.
last night.
why.
why.
I dreampt of AJ.
i = the dumbest girl alive.
on friday,
daniel came up to me for a high 5 and all that jazz.
&totally ignored him and somewhat elbowed him.
I felt really bad.
But he was the main one who led me on.
And I just wanted pain at the moment.
He used to always tell me i'm so beautiful.
And how he wanted to get to know me better.
Why does he fail the conversation then?
ugh.
victoria = boy crazy.
if a boy from my crazy fad would kiss me.
victoria = happy.
victoria = not want anything more.
victoria = sad.
victoria = the end.
I bet my eyelashes are going to fall off if I keep leaving my mascara on at night..
Yesterday morning my eyes were glued shut.
And this morning too.
I really missed this radio station, 9.25 WINC FM.
101.9 got really heavy duty rap shit and it got annoying.
After a couple of months listening to that non stop.
I finally went back to the wonderful 9.25.
Howie Day &Gavin DeGraw in concert.
In Vienna, VA.
Victoria = going.
I'm going to marry Howie Day.
Then he can sing to me every night.
I love it when people sing to me.
I'm weird.
I already know.
My flowers are dying.
It's upsetting.
Why are there so many hott guys on buddypic?
man alive.
there's also some hidious ones too.
yeah.
Thought i'd share that with you.
I'm running out of things on my mind to share.
The radio is using the Wizard of Oz munchkin song for some termite commercial.
I feel like watching Wizard of Oz now.
Ugh.
The songs in my head.
Down the yellow brick road...
I miss soccer.
I miss exercise.
Maybe I'll exercise today.
I may get fat from no exercise.
I miss it.
Wednesday is the awards banquet.
Zach&Bobby both said they're prob not going.
I threatened to flush their heads down a toilet.
oooooh. I'm daring.
wah pow.
we voted on who got most improved & MVP.
Salo & Shafer always tell me how I'm most improved.
If I get most improved.
I may cry.
In strings the only award I got was...
drum roll pulllllessse.
MOST IMPROVED.
wtf.
That's pathetic.
Is that my only lives achievement?
Improving?
meh.
shitshitshit.
I hafta do my ABC book for geography.
That = gay.
I hafta draw 26 pictures.
Since it's due tommorow.
I've got into reading again.
Call me a nerd.
But it's enjoyable.
I stopped.
Due to internet.
I'm reading Slaughter House 5.
I finished the Joke Book.
gahahhaa.
What do you call a bull that sleeps a lot?
A BULL DOZER.
That's so lame,
But I still giggle like mad from that.
I should take a bath too.
I have so many things I could do today.
You know what.
I hope I have tonsilitis.
I really hope hope hope.
It's pathetic.
But I want my tonsils out.
And I can't get them out unless I get tonsilitis.
megh.
I'm thinking about how lonely Brooke will be in about 20 minutes in Math.
She's so lonely in Math without me.
Wait,
She's probably in Hollywood now with Jesse McCartney because she went to his concert at Kings Domionion on Saturday.
I wonder if anyone will notice i'm gone.
I bet Salo will.
Since I bother her every locker break,
& since she gets lunch duty,
I stand and talk with her 10 minutes during lunch.
Since she's probably bored.
If I don't get Salo next year,
I'm changing classes so I do.
Alright.
"
She used to always be a laugh,
Smile wherever she went,
She was always a happy child,
Till the day she met love.
She was your average girl,
She looked plain and simple,
She had an average life,
But she had nothing quite...unique.
Day to Day.
Week to Week.
She'd mope around,
Crying a Creek.
After so much break',
She only loved a myth,
That led to insanity,
Love's Wit.
She would hold her breath,
Count to three,
&Suddenly realize,
This girl was me.
She's that girl I see,
In my relection,
She's that monster I see,
That's me,
I see.
"
I can't write worth crap.
hush it.
You brought me close,
You took thy heart,
Why shall the' be hurt,
From thy painful words,
Let me be, you fool
You fool of shame.
Walk all over me,
Stomp on my soul,
Do whatever pleases you,
My faith still stands.
Stronger than your will,
You drop me like a book.
But I'll still stand tall.
Within this wall,
Of painful sorrow.
--Someone from Buddypic.
Too long have I waited since my last kiss,
Too long have I gave you my wishful bliss,
A backup stop of life I am,
You sending me daggers of doubt too soon,
This is why I gave my heart to you:
Just in a moment,
Just in a breath,
I'll tell you,
All that's left.
My muse you are,
Like morning rises',
Your soft eyes,
Like pearls,
Dance in the sun,
Your shadow,
Still beautiful,
As your face,
Lights up,
Under the moonlight.
Quick and still,
You go.
Let go.
Like dreams.
Go.
Still makes no sense.
And once upon a perfect night,
I felt like I was close and tight,
But then I realize nothings true,
Only my mind was focused on you.
Love isn't a match to be with,
O yes, some say loves' a myth,
But yet they also say theres more fish in the sea,
And I thought how this one was golden to me.
I realized this was just a test,
Because I am truely a pest,
But did I stop myself from being hurt?
No, I let myself be buried in the dirt.
Dreaming leads to nowhere strong,
It lead me down and I was wrong.
You'd think I'd get the moral of my life,
Which lead me to nowhere but strife.
Now I sit here and breathe,
As I let this dream sheathe within me.
That one is okay I suppose.
Yeha
Okay.
I'm going to do whatever I can.
To be a better person.
kby.
I have an entire seven hours till any of my friends come home from school.
So I'll write it all down.
I will.
Okay,
The saturday before last, I was at work,
and all of sudden my tonsils swelled up.
&ever since i've been sick as a dog.
I'm always coughing.
I woke up last night worried.
I'll tell you why I was worried in a wee bit.
&I started choking coughing.
&I guess I fell asleep again,
&I woke up,
I could not talk,
The entire roof of my mouth was paralyed.
My tonsils are acheing like crazy.
So mom asked me if I wanted to stay home,
And I said, "Yes." Obviously.
I think she's taking me to the doctor tonight.
Isn't that swell,
Missing school on the last week of school.
Ughughugh.
If my grades aren't already bad enough.
Romeo&Juliet killed my grade.
I hate Romeo&Juliet.
Sure, a good story line.
But hell if I understand what I'm reading.
fucking, "thy art thou buttshaft art thy mother."
I don't even know what I just said.
Anyways,
Next topic.
My worries.
I know this is uber uber uber pathetic.
I do get attached too easily.
I do.
It's pathetic.
But okay,
You saw how I wrote about this Jordan kid, okay.
I talked to him on the phone saturday night for like an hour and 45 minutes.
I was on webcam,
But I wasn't planning on showing my face,
Because nobody wants to see me after dark, ha.
He told me smile big with braces, I agreed.
I did it.
And the webcam showed his wonderful picture of a pimple on my cheek.
The picture keeps ringing in my head.
&After that, he went silent till I started talking again.
Ugh So embarrassing.
And he hasn't talked to me since.
He's ignoring me.
He was so nice to me.
I sent him at least 5 text messages and he didn't answer to any of them.
I got online, and he very slowly responded.
If I can remember correctly,
DANIEL DID THE SAME THING.
The first couple of days, we'd talk with no pause,
Then they would answer slowly in IM.
Ugh.
Meaning all guys are the same somewhat.
I think Zach did it too.
Maybe it's because after awhile they don't like my personality.
Maybe my personality sucks.
Maybe thats why nobody seems to like me.
Or like it.
You know,
Guys never have crushes on me.
I feel so ugly.
I really do.
No matter how much anyways says I'm not.
I beg differ.
Maybe I'm hideious.
I don't really know.
Because I can only see myself in the mirror.
And I think mirrors lie.
Esp. my mirrors.
At home, I look all great before school.
Then I look in the school mirror and I look like shit.
It may be the flourecent lighting at school.
Whatever it is,
I am hidious.
I'm getting proactive.
I want completely clear skin like Nichole.
She has like perfect skin.
I heard it works good too.
I know I only have like 3 pimples total.
But still.
Without makeup I have red dots everywhere.
wtf.
You know what,
I bet the Lake made me sicker.
+ my eyes were blood shot again today.
hmph.
I should take this day to myself and like do everything possible to look better.
I don't know exactly what to do though.
I've offically decided,
My side profile sucks.
Just to let chya know.
My room didn't stay clean very long after Memere left.
It's a mess again.
God damnit.
I'm a failure.
You know what,
I should tan all day.
It's like 90 something.
Everyone else is at school.
I can be the only one tanning. :)
But I'm sick.
Egh.
nvm.
I have chores I haven't done as well.
I haven't cleaned the bathroom due to work.
I left Jordan a message last night,
Telling to call me and take away my worries of him hateing or ignoring me.
It sounded really despartate.
Egh.
It's hopeless.
He didn't call.
Meaning that he does?
hmph.
This = gaygaygaygaygaygay.
I wish i knew what I did.
If it's the webcam thing.
Then this will suck.
godgodgod.
I hate John Mayer.
He can sing.
But his lyrics suck.
"I wanna run through the halls of my high school, and scream at the TOP OF MY LUNGS."
"Your body is a wonderland."
He's dumbdumbdumb.
Last night I actually had a conversation with Zach.
That didn't end till my bedtime.
omg.
last night.
why.
why.
I dreampt of AJ.
i = the dumbest girl alive.
on friday,
daniel came up to me for a high 5 and all that jazz.
&totally ignored him and somewhat elbowed him.
I felt really bad.
But he was the main one who led me on.
And I just wanted pain at the moment.
He used to always tell me i'm so beautiful.
And how he wanted to get to know me better.
Why does he fail the conversation then?
ugh.
victoria = boy crazy.
if a boy from my crazy fad would kiss me.
victoria = happy.
victoria = not want anything more.
victoria = sad.
victoria = the end.
I bet my eyelashes are going to fall off if I keep leaving my mascara on at night..
Yesterday morning my eyes were glued shut.
And this morning too.
I really missed this radio station, 9.25 WINC FM.
101.9 got really heavy duty rap shit and it got annoying.
After a couple of months listening to that non stop.
I finally went back to the wonderful 9.25.
Howie Day &Gavin DeGraw in concert.
In Vienna, VA.
Victoria = going.
I'm going to marry Howie Day.
Then he can sing to me every night.
I love it when people sing to me.
I'm weird.
I already know.
My flowers are dying.
It's upsetting.
Why are there so many hott guys on buddypic?
man alive.
there's also some hidious ones too.
yeah.
Thought i'd share that with you.
I'm running out of things on my mind to share.
The radio is using the Wizard of Oz munchkin song for some termite commercial.
I feel like watching Wizard of Oz now.
Ugh.
The songs in my head.
Down the yellow brick road...
I miss soccer.
I miss exercise.
Maybe I'll exercise today.
I may get fat from no exercise.
I miss it.
Wednesday is the awards banquet.
Zach&Bobby both said they're prob not going.
I threatened to flush their heads down a toilet.
oooooh. I'm daring.
wah pow.
we voted on who got most improved & MVP.
Salo & Shafer always tell me how I'm most improved.
If I get most improved.
I may cry.
In strings the only award I got was...
drum roll pulllllessse.
MOST IMPROVED.
wtf.
That's pathetic.
Is that my only lives achievement?
Improving?
meh.
shitshitshit.
I hafta do my ABC book for geography.
That = gay.
I hafta draw 26 pictures.
Since it's due tommorow.
I've got into reading again.
Call me a nerd.
But it's enjoyable.
I stopped.
Due to internet.
I'm reading Slaughter House 5.
I finished the Joke Book.
gahahhaa.
What do you call a bull that sleeps a lot?
A BULL DOZER.
That's so lame,
But I still giggle like mad from that.
I should take a bath too.
I have so many things I could do today.
You know what.
I hope I have tonsilitis.
I really hope hope hope.
It's pathetic.
But I want my tonsils out.
And I can't get them out unless I get tonsilitis.
megh.
I'm thinking about how lonely Brooke will be in about 20 minutes in Math.
She's so lonely in Math without me.
Wait,
She's probably in Hollywood now with Jesse McCartney because she went to his concert at Kings Domionion on Saturday.
I wonder if anyone will notice i'm gone.
I bet Salo will.
Since I bother her every locker break,
& since she gets lunch duty,
I stand and talk with her 10 minutes during lunch.
Since she's probably bored.
If I don't get Salo next year,
I'm changing classes so I do.
Alright.
"
She used to always be a laugh,
Smile wherever she went,
She was always a happy child,
Till the day she met love.
She was your average girl,
She looked plain and simple,
She had an average life,
But she had nothing quite...unique.
Day to Day.
Week to Week.
She'd mope around,
Crying a Creek.
After so much break',
She only loved a myth,
That led to insanity,
Love's Wit.
She would hold her breath,
Count to three,
&Suddenly realize,
This girl was me.
She's that girl I see,
In my relection,
She's that monster I see,
That's me,
I see.
"
I can't write worth crap.
hush it.
You brought me close,
You took thy heart,
Why shall the' be hurt,
From thy painful words,
Let me be, you fool
You fool of shame.
Walk all over me,
Stomp on my soul,
Do whatever pleases you,
My faith still stands.
Stronger than your will,
You drop me like a book.
But I'll still stand tall.
Within this wall,
Of painful sorrow.
--Someone from Buddypic.
Too long have I waited since my last kiss,
Too long have I gave you my wishful bliss,
A backup stop of life I am,
You sending me daggers of doubt too soon,
This is why I gave my heart to you:
Just in a moment,
Just in a breath,
I'll tell you,
All that's left.
My muse you are,
Like morning rises',
Your soft eyes,
Like pearls,
Dance in the sun,
Your shadow,
Still beautiful,
As your face,
Lights up,
Under the moonlight.
Quick and still,
You go.
Let go.
Like dreams.
Go.
Still makes no sense.
And once upon a perfect night,
I felt like I was close and tight,
But then I realize nothings true,
Only my mind was focused on you.
Love isn't a match to be with,
O yes, some say loves' a myth,
But yet they also say theres more fish in the sea,
And I thought how this one was golden to me.
I realized this was just a test,
Because I am truely a pest,
But did I stop myself from being hurt?
No, I let myself be buried in the dirt.
Dreaming leads to nowhere strong,
It lead me down and I was wrong.
You'd think I'd get the moral of my life,
Which lead me to nowhere but strife.
Now I sit here and breathe,
As I let this dream sheathe within me.
That one is okay I suppose.
Yeha
Okay.
I'm going to do whatever I can.
To be a better person.
kby.