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Jul 20, 2005 02:32

Continued from HERESlippin' my hand outta her hair, I let it slide down and wrap tightly around her throat. I licked my lips, wishin' I could just snap her pretty little neck. But I couldn't ( Read more... )

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wishingwillow July 25 2005, 01:26:06 UTC
"B! Fuckin' help me!"

Faith screams had escalated to that final, puncuated demand. But I didn't need the sharp retort of her voice or her grand entrance to know that Faith had arrived. I had been standing by the window after all, busy trying not to look too coldly at Xander, not that my efforts seemed to register. And then there was the pull of a spell just performed, especially one as powerful as this one. It was like a silver, silken thread growing tighter and tighter with each passing second. Nothing had snapped yet, but as we all followed Buffy's lad down to the lobby, I couldn't be so sure that it wasn't the inevitable conclusion.

"It worked."

Yes, it did.

And I wondered for a moment why we had even ever doubted it. It's only the simple things we seem to fail at, when we want it to be just a moment, just magic, or just love. We've always gotten along with complicated pretty well.

I stood just to the right of Buffy, tense and taunt from Xander's unusual entrance and the very feel of the gun Wesley had introduced into the room. Again, I focused my energy on not looking at either, and found myself caught up in the sight of Buffy and Faith.

"You need help? Tell me how. Tell me what you need."

I just kept looking, at the image of Faith, battered and lost and a distaster just waiting to make its mark. On us. On the earth. On whatever gets in the way. And I couldn't help but think -- this is what Buffy had wanted to willingly become? She was ready to be standing where Faith was now. True there was a bit of bravery there, but that wasn't what stayed with me.

Things had happened to me, and I had allowed myself to become just as dark as the shadows in Faith's gaze. There had been choices made I still couldn't comppletely face. And I was more than willing to live in that place until there was no living left, only -- only that wasn't an acceptable answer to my friends. Buffy and Xander, they had fought for me. And now I can see why, if this is what I had looked like to them.

They hadn't allowed that way to be an option, and litteraly the road had been lifted away from underneath my feet. But Buffy had wanted to become Faith? Or at least been willing to try, and try in the sense that there was nothing else after?

Then there was Xander.

Xander?

I was afraid that I had all too good an idea what he had done. It was too much for me, but not for them? I wasn't even sure what it all meant, other than the picture it pained.

I stood my ground, watching Faith carefully.

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fivebyfiverogue July 25 2005, 04:45:08 UTC
I stood there, tryin' to push the voices outta my head. Wishin' somebody would turn the fuckin' volume down or somethin'. I closed my eyes tight, tryin' to keep myself cool.

I was seriously losin' it here. Yeah, it was only a matter of fuckin' minutes before somebody had me in a straight jacket.

Lookin' around, I wondered why the fuck I had come here. I must really be fuckin' crazy to come here. They wasn't gonna help me. No, I was ‘bout to be dust. Lettin' B finish off the job she'd started when she stuck that knife in my fuckin' gut. Man, that seemed so long ago now. Lifetimes even.

See, you were even a killer then Faith. Once a murderer, always a murderer.

I shook my head furiously, tryin' to shake these fuckin' ghosts outta my brain. Openin' my eyes, I seen her. Runnin' down the stairs. Here goes nothin'. Or everything. Take your pick.

Watchin' her carefully, I kept my guard up. Just in case. Can't be too sure. Especially when it comes to her.

I circled around Blondie, who was still layin' on the ground where I shoved her down. I was stickin' close to her, in case I needed to grab her and make with the hostage takin' to save my own ass.

I knew by the way B was lookin' at me, she was diggin' this. Probably gettin' off on it. Poor little crazy Faith. I bet they would get a fuckin' big laugh outta this.

"You need help? Tell me how. Tell me what you need."

Openin' my mouth to answer, I stopped, seein' Xander jump over the railin' and land like some kinda fuckin' cat or somethin'. Starin' at me like some big watchdog.

Keep it together Faith. Don't fuckin' fall apart now. Don't let ‘em see you like this. Fuck, I shoulda known better. No way in hell was they lettin' me just talk to B. God damnit.

Great, now Wes decides to join the party. Gun fuckin' pointed right at me.

"What Wes, you gonna shoot me now?" I rolled my eyes. "Fuckin' do it then! DO IT!" I screamed. "But you better make sure you got wooden bullets in there. Ain't nothin' else gonna do the trick."

I grasped both sides of my head, shakin' the voices out. I could hear ‘em in there, all of ‘em. Tryin' to talk at once.

"Shut up!" I pounded my fist against the side of my head. "I can't even fuckin' think here!"

I turned back towards them, seein' that now Red was with ‘em. I walked closer towards them.

"Looks like we got ourselves a little party here." I rubbed my hands together, laughin'. "Oh goodie..." I shrugged, givin' one of my sarcastic looks to Wes, who was still pointin' that gun at me. "Who made the punch?"

Did you even know my name Faith? Or know that I was a mother? Did you even care that you left my child alone in this world?"

"Stop! Just fuckin' stop! I can't deal with this shit right now! Can't you see I'm tryin' to fuckin' talk here?"

I was screamin' into the air, but nobody was there. No, ‘cause they was all in my fuckin' head. Loud. And they wasn't shuttin' up.

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fakingitsomehow July 25 2005, 05:13:13 UTC
I sorta ignored everyone else around me. Guess I was good at that, though... I'd had too much practice ignoring my friends...

But it was Faith. Faith. And she'd come to the hotel for help because of me and my dumb idea -- no, no, she wouldn't have come here at all if Wes and Willow had actually let me go through with my original idea. Instead, they'd made it sound like Faith was the lesser of two evils, so to speak.

When had that happened? We had started off fine, back in Sunnydale. I'd tried to help her when things had gone all wrong... and then it had taken Angel, not me, to finally get through to her.

Somehow, I'd never quite forgiven him for that... or myself. Why hadn't I been the one to help her? Yet, here she was now, asking for help in her own Faith-like way.

Xander, Willow, Wes... I figured they were there, but I didn't exactly see them. They weren't important at the moment. Tentatively, I took one step closer to her, watching her eyes as they went wild and just wondering to myself quietly...

What exactly had we done?

"Faith, I know things must seem--"

"What Wes, you gonna shoot me now? Fuckin' do it then! DO IT! But you better make sure you got wooden bullets in there. Ain't nothin' else gonna do the trick."

Without turning around, I whispered, "Wes, it's ok." He'd shoot her if he needed to, but I was hoping it wouldn't come to that. Hey, if Xander could use crayons to talk down Willow from destroying the world, then I could stop a crazed Slayer-vamp. Right?

"Shut up! I can't even fuckin' think here!"

"Are... are you hearing things, Faith? Voices, maybe...?" I stood my own ground as she stepped closer, remembering Spike in the basement. Angel after he'd returned from that hell dimension. All the people who had cared about me and got screwed over in the process.

"Looks like we got ourselves a little party here. Oh goodie... Who made the punch?"

That was when I finally looked around and saw the rest of them. Wes still had his gun aimed, Willow was staring at Faith, and Xander... Omigod, I didn't even want to think about what was going on in his head right now. Turning back to Faith, I drew in a deep breath.

"Faith, listen... I know this is hard to believe, but..." But we figured your life wasn't screwed up enough as it was so we decided to do more to you? Why was I feeling so bad all of a sudden? I was going soft. I couldn't. I couldn't let her do that to me.

But, she had.

"... we put your soul back." Yes, we. We had made the decision, no matter what anyone else said later. Wes had come up with the idea of Faith, Willow had done it, and I'd been the one who'd suggested taking the prophecy into our own hands.

We.

"Stop! Just fuckin' stop! I can't deal with this shit right now! Can't you see I'm tryin' to fuckin' talk here?"

"Faith..." I closed the gap between us and grasped both her hands in mine. Pretty dumb and dangerous to do, of course, but hey. Seemed to be the thing to do lately.

"We'll help you... I'll help you."

How I could promise that, I wasn't exactly sure...

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xander_lavelle July 26 2005, 06:33:55 UTC
I watched Faith. I watched her and felt something was off… not right. At first I chalked it up to her being a Slayer-turned-vampire, but there was something else there. Something inside, mixed with the demon… I reached out with my senses.

There!

And now it all made sense!

”Faith… We'll help you...I'll help you."

I strode toward them.

“Help her? You think she can be helped?” I looked at the dark-haired Slayer-vampire. “They restored your soul, Faith. Do you feel remorse for all the people you killed? Is that what’s happening? Or are you here because it’s just a little less easy to be a monster when you have a conscience second guessing your every action?

“Truth is, I’d just as soon tie you to the gate outside and wait for sunrise, because I just don’t think we can trust you. But it’s not my call. Buffy’s in charge here, so it’s her decision.”

I let the hyena come to the fore and show itself through my good eye, my voice taking on a deep grumble.

“But you step one foot out of line, you even think about doing anything to harm anyone in this hotel, and nothing - not Buffy or your fancy new powers - will stop me from ending you.”

I took complete control again, pushing the beast back.

“And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you want to change. Perhaps seeing what it’s like to truly be a killer has opened your eyes. Stranger things have happened. Especially with this group.

“*Fortasse erit, fortasse non erit.”

Having said my peace, I walked away and went to look for a good stiff drink. Too many damn changes going on around here. I needed to make plans.

*"Maybe it will be, maybe it will not."

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prodigalwatcher July 29 2005, 05:31:39 UTC
"What Wes, you gonna shoot me now? Fuckin' do it then! DO IT! But you better make sure you got wooden bullets in there. Ain't nothin' else gonna do the trick."

My aim only faltered for a moment. I hadn't prepared myself for any number of reactions to seeing Faith in this state, but I hadn't given it much thought. Not that we'd had a great deal of time to, of course. But I should have known that there was no way that the sight of my former charge in such a painful and disorienting predicament couldn't affect me, couldn't resonate just in the slightest with the Watcher I was. I'd resigned Faith to being unsaveable some time ago; she was evil, and entirely, and that was that.

"Shut up! I can't even fuckin' think here!"

And now the rules had changed.

"Wes, it's ok."

Not that Buffy could see, I nodded, following her lead. I lowered my pistol and holstered it, still making sure I could draw a weapon from under my jacket if it became necessary. That necessity grew a great deal closer, in my opinion, as Buffy advanced on Faith and took the vampire's hands in her own. I could feel the tension of the room grow dangerously taut.

"Faith, listen... I know this is hard to believe, but... we put your soul back. Faith... We'll help you... I'll help you."

"They restored your soul, Faith. Do you feel remorse for all the people you killed? Or are you here because it's just a little less easy to be a monster when you have a conscience second guessing your every action? Truth is, I'd just as soon tie you to the gate outside and wait for sunrise... But it's not my call. Buffy's in charge here... But you step one foot out of line... and nothing - not Buffy or your fancy new powers - will stop me from ending you. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you want to change... Stranger things have happened. Especially with this group. Fortasse erit, fortasse non erit."

When Xander began speaking, I started to wonder when he and I had exchanged points of view on the proper treatment of an enemy, seeking asylum or not. That query was buried quickly by his sudden change of temperament, and the highly unusual quotation. Xander left, but there would be questions, without doubt, and there would be answers.

I glanced around the room again. I trusted Faith only slightly more than Xander, at this point, but I did trust Buffy implicitly. And we needed to do something about not only Faith, but the poor girl she'd dragged in with her.

"Let's take this somewhere else," I said addressing both Buffy and Faith with the suggestion. "The basement's secure. We can continue this, and someone can see to the girl's health."

It wasn't a perfect solution, but at least the basement would contain Faith at least temporarily in the event this went badly. Which I prayed it wouldn't, but somehow thought it might.

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wishingwillow August 1 2005, 06:37:42 UTC
"What Wes, you gonna shoot me now? Fuckin' do it then! DO IT! But you better make sure you got wooden bullets in there. Ain't nothin' else gonna do the trick."

I froze, and for a moment I was sure everyone must see the panic I feel as it took up residence in my eyes. It's harder to breath, which made no sense. After all, it's Faith in the room now. There isn't any less air. My eyes dropped inches after inches to everyone's shirts, and it's there that I am silent and watching. Waiting for the change. Waiting for the red.

But I refused to look at the gun.

"Faith, I know things must seem--"

Then tell us Buffy. Please. Tell me. Tell me...anything.

Make me look up.

Only this isn't about me, and more than it should be. In this one place -- this space -- I might truely be alone.

"Wes, it's ok."

But it isn't.

"Faith, listen... I know this is hard to believe, but... we put your soul back."

At that I looked up again. The gun was gone, as much as I think it would ever be. In reality. In my mind. I could literally feel it slip beneath Wesley's coat. It's only then that I can study faith in full, my eyes admitting the part I played. This wasn't even the way Buffy wanted the story to go, and yet she's the one telling it.

What did that mean about the rest of us?

“But you step one foot out of line, you even think about doing anything to harm anyone in this hotel, and nothing - not Buffy or your fancy new powers - will stop me from ending you.”

It's the sound of Xander's voice that cuts more than the words. I turn to him, sure the hurt is openly visibly now. But again, he is already walking away.

"We'll help you Faith," I finally speak, firmly agreeing with Buffy. In that at least. "I'll help you."

I hope Xander heard each and every word.

"Let's take this somewhere else. The basement's secure. We can continue this, and someone can see to the girl's health."

I stepped behind Buffy and touched her shoulder. I was ready to carry whatever, whoever she needed. I was ready to help. I was ready to help her see, too. That if choices were not for me, then they couldn't be for her either. We had made a decision to be friends that long ago, against the idea of what a Slayer was. Against Giles' wishes.

But not against us. So whatever happens now, she won't be alone. And she won't be anything other than Buffy either. I won't let it happen. To her, or to Xander either. Now it's my turn to help them. To show them.

To pull them back, even against their will. And I'm ready for it.

I hope.

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