A Big Decision

[fakingitsomehow]

I gave Tara one last hug before walking over to where Wes and Fred were at. Fred didn't seem to mind me being there - in fact she had some goofy grin - and yeah, I knew I'd have to talk with her later. But as she got up and left me alone with my boyfriend, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it once to let him know I was ok. Actually, better than ok.

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[prodigalwatcher]

"I knew you'd think that."

"How could I think otherwise?" I all but hissed, the entire conversation suddenly low and intensely private, despite our being alone in the room.

"Wes, I'll be fine. Really. I get vamped, Willow poofs the soul back in me, everything will be fine. Think about this - logically. We haven't been able to defeat The First, Angelus keeps killing our people, Connor is missing, and Faith... Faith is a Slayer-Vamp who we already know is stronger than any vamp we've faced. We need one just as strong - if not stronger - than her to win. That would leave me."

I shook my head vehemently, my eyes narrowing. I would not, could not allow this to happen. There wasn't, as far as I was concerned, even the slightest reason to even entertain the idea.

"And yet you'd put such a massive gap in our defenses by removing yourself from our ranks? You cannot possibly be certain that a vampire version of you would not switch sides in a moment."

"I trust Willow... She can do it, Wes. You can be there to help her... I'll be fine... I'm in good hands. You don't have to be there to watch it happen... And, hey - it's not like I haven't died before. Twice."

I felt the worst of chills pass down my spine and from where I sat, stunned and aghast and bordering on furious, I gave the coldest look I had at her.

"Don't you dare make light of this, Buffy. Not this."

"I love you, Wes. I do... but you know just as well as I do that we're losing and this is the only way... I'm the only one. I am going to talk to Willow about this, whether you want me to or not. I just... would really like you to be there for me... y'know. Just in case."

Buffy's hands crept up onto my face, holding it still so she could stare intently at me. There wasn't the slightest hesitation or doubt in her mind. But it didn't matter. This couldn't happen.

"There is always a way. There has to be something else, somehow..."

My mind began to whirl, straining to find the wildest, most desperate idea I would ever have.

"I'll still be Buffy. I'll still be the girl from Sunnydale who loves you. Only... well, without a pulse."

I frowned at the further attempt at levity, and Buffy understood. She kissed me, and I felt almost as if she were saying goodbye.

"Hey, if you've got a better idea, I'm all ears, but I've thought about this. We need a Champion with the... loss of Connor. And I need you and Willow standing by this decision for the good of everyone here... and for me."

My head dropped to my chest. There had to be one last gambit, one final desperate chance to take. I could feel it in my mind, taking shape, but just out of reach of my conscious mind. I just needed to reach. I almost had it.

Then I looked up at Buffy, madness just starting to color my eyes dark.

((end of scene))