Changing the world.
"Let's go change the world. Let's prove that we aren't going to let them win. I won't stan- I won't stand for it any- not any- I won't stan- Carly?"
I reached out to grab Andi as she fell, but her weight was too much. The two of us landed on the floor while I was attempting to get my balance. Kneeling down beside her, I called out Andi's name, I shook her... I did every conventional thing that you're supposed to do when you're trying to get a person to open their eyes and none of it worked.
Then I tried my using my gift.
I put my right hand against Andi's stomach and used my left to brush her hair away from her face. It took me only seconds to realize that it wasn't working. Everything that I had just described to her; the rush, the electricity...I tried as hard as I could to concentrate, but I couldn't feel any of it.
That was when I started to think that I wasn't going to get her up.
My fears were confirmed when I moved my hand down to her wrist. If she were still alive, I would have felt a pulse. And I didn't. I kept moving my fingertips over her wrist to try to find it, hoping that I'd just been looking in the wrong place. She wasn't dead.
She couldn't be.
People don't die from wanting to change the world. They just don't. Not when they're strong, and healthy. Andi was healthy. She was a slayer. She had a kind of strength that I would never tap into--that I never wanted to tap into. If any of us had it, it would mean that she didn't. That she was dead.
But Andi wasn't dead. She was fine, she was just talking to me a minute ago.
So why couldn't her heart just start beating already? Why couldn't I fix her?
"Andi, you can't do this!" I screamed, putting my hands over her stomach again. I was scared, and maybe that was starting to make me lose my focus. If I concentrated a little harder, ignored the tears that were spilling down my cheeks, and just focused on Andi, then maybe I could heal her. I was supposed to be able to do that.
And I couldn't.
When I first came here, I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. I stayed because Lorne claimed that they needed me, and because Alex had promised me that I wouldn't be alone. Even when she left, I still thought that everything would work out. I had a purpose; I could heal people. With me around, the good guys stood a better chance at outlasting the bad ones. I never thought one way or another about bringing anyone back from the dead.
Now that I need to, I know that I can't. My power has limits, I always assumed that it did. But if this is meant to be some kind of reminder that I shouldn't be playing God, then whatever higher authority exists up there is more cruel than I ever could have imagined.
Andi died right in front of me, nothing that I did or said would have any effect on her. For the most part, I knew that. Yet I still wanted to talk to her. It didn't make any sense at all, but after what she'd said, I wanted her to know that I would have done it. Andi wanted to change things, and I would have helped her. I would have said yes if I had been given the chance.
She would have been a good leader.
"We were going to change the world." I whispered, breathing heavily as I got the words out. The room was spinning around me, almost making me sick with my own failure. What good was my gift, my healing, if I couldn't use it on someone who needed to be healed?
If I can't save the people who are supposed to live, who want to make the world better, why give me the power to help anyone?
Getting to my feet, I made it as far as the doorway before I turned back. I couldn't leave her alone. I knew that Andi would have stayed with me, and if the last thing I could do for her was to stay, then that was what I was going to do.
"Someone! Please! Please help me!"
((Open to anyone))
I reached out to grab Andi as she fell, but her weight was too much. The two of us landed on the floor while I was attempting to get my balance. Kneeling down beside her, I called out Andi's name, I shook her... I did every conventional thing that you're supposed to do when you're trying to get a person to open their eyes and none of it worked.
Then I tried my using my gift.
I put my right hand against Andi's stomach and used my left to brush her hair away from her face. It took me only seconds to realize that it wasn't working. Everything that I had just described to her; the rush, the electricity...I tried as hard as I could to concentrate, but I couldn't feel any of it.
That was when I started to think that I wasn't going to get her up.
My fears were confirmed when I moved my hand down to her wrist. If she were still alive, I would have felt a pulse. And I didn't. I kept moving my fingertips over her wrist to try to find it, hoping that I'd just been looking in the wrong place. She wasn't dead.
She couldn't be.
People don't die from wanting to change the world. They just don't. Not when they're strong, and healthy. Andi was healthy. She was a slayer. She had a kind of strength that I would never tap into--that I never wanted to tap into. If any of us had it, it would mean that she didn't. That she was dead.
But Andi wasn't dead. She was fine, she was just talking to me a minute ago.
So why couldn't her heart just start beating already? Why couldn't I fix her?
"Andi, you can't do this!" I screamed, putting my hands over her stomach again. I was scared, and maybe that was starting to make me lose my focus. If I concentrated a little harder, ignored the tears that were spilling down my cheeks, and just focused on Andi, then maybe I could heal her. I was supposed to be able to do that.
And I couldn't.
When I first came here, I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. I stayed because Lorne claimed that they needed me, and because Alex had promised me that I wouldn't be alone. Even when she left, I still thought that everything would work out. I had a purpose; I could heal people. With me around, the good guys stood a better chance at outlasting the bad ones. I never thought one way or another about bringing anyone back from the dead.
Now that I need to, I know that I can't. My power has limits, I always assumed that it did. But if this is meant to be some kind of reminder that I shouldn't be playing God, then whatever higher authority exists up there is more cruel than I ever could have imagined.
Andi died right in front of me, nothing that I did or said would have any effect on her. For the most part, I knew that. Yet I still wanted to talk to her. It didn't make any sense at all, but after what she'd said, I wanted her to know that I would have done it. Andi wanted to change things, and I would have helped her. I would have said yes if I had been given the chance.
She would have been a good leader.
"We were going to change the world." I whispered, breathing heavily as I got the words out. The room was spinning around me, almost making me sick with my own failure. What good was my gift, my healing, if I couldn't use it on someone who needed to be healed?
If I can't save the people who are supposed to live, who want to make the world better, why give me the power to help anyone?
Getting to my feet, I made it as far as the doorway before I turned back. I couldn't leave her alone. I knew that Andi would have stayed with me, and if the last thing I could do for her was to stay, then that was what I was going to do.
"Someone! Please! Please help me!"
((Open to anyone))