(no subject)
Well its pretty much a week before my 16th birthday. Strange. The last 4 years habe gone by incredibly fast. I never have time for my friends, let alone myself anymore. Its schoolschoolschool these days. Sucks so bad.
My mom and I are going to new york for my birthday. It should be nice. Central park is going to be gorgeous this time of year. I'm excited. But I do worry about money. I wish I had all the money in the world sometimes so I wouldn't have to see my mom worry about how she's going to give me and jim what we want and still manage to pay the bills.
I keep thinking of where my mother was one week before HER 16th birthday and I just can't imagine that at mt ahe. I don't know how I would live with myself. I'm glad she made the decision she did because I wouldn't be alive if she hadn't and who knows where should would be.
A bit more than a month befor kjc comes home. I guess bootcamp is about half way pver for him. I wrote him a leter a few weeks ago woth no reply. I have no idea how he's doing or what its like for him. I want to know what its going to be like when he gets home. Is he going to want us to be like we were before he left, right before he left? Or is he going to persue both of us? Or just her? We never talked about what happened prior to his departure, so it makes me even more questionable. Everyone knows now. I even told my mom, and I don't tellmy mom stuff like that. My mom told me he told her he loves me he just doesn't want to hurt me. But she wad drunk when she told me that, and he was probably drunk when he told her that. And we were drunk when we did that. So I guess it all comes down to what a bunch of inebriated people have said and done. Who knows what the future holds. I want to hold him again and cuddle with him again. Even if for only one more time, just to know its the last. I miss him, but its getting easier.
My mom and I are going to new york for my birthday. It should be nice. Central park is going to be gorgeous this time of year. I'm excited. But I do worry about money. I wish I had all the money in the world sometimes so I wouldn't have to see my mom worry about how she's going to give me and jim what we want and still manage to pay the bills.
I keep thinking of where my mother was one week before HER 16th birthday and I just can't imagine that at mt ahe. I don't know how I would live with myself. I'm glad she made the decision she did because I wouldn't be alive if she hadn't and who knows where should would be.
A bit more than a month befor kjc comes home. I guess bootcamp is about half way pver for him. I wrote him a leter a few weeks ago woth no reply. I have no idea how he's doing or what its like for him. I want to know what its going to be like when he gets home. Is he going to want us to be like we were before he left, right before he left? Or is he going to persue both of us? Or just her? We never talked about what happened prior to his departure, so it makes me even more questionable. Everyone knows now. I even told my mom, and I don't tellmy mom stuff like that. My mom told me he told her he loves me he just doesn't want to hurt me. But she wad drunk when she told me that, and he was probably drunk when he told her that. And we were drunk when we did that. So I guess it all comes down to what a bunch of inebriated people have said and done. Who knows what the future holds. I want to hold him again and cuddle with him again. Even if for only one more time, just to know its the last. I miss him, but its getting easier.